{"id":65366,"date":"2024-06-25T06:00:46","date_gmt":"2024-06-25T10:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/simplehomeschool.net\/?p=65366"},"modified":"2026-02-18T10:28:34","modified_gmt":"2026-02-18T15:28:34","slug":"do-we-depend-too-much-on-our-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/simplehomeschool.net\/do-we-depend-too-much-on-our-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Do we depend too much on our kids?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Do<\/a><\/p>\n

Do we depend too much on our kids? ~ Written by Kari Patterson<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

The wording might sound weird, but the idea resonates with me deeply: Once your child’s a teen, you’re no longer the star of the show.<\/strong><\/p>\n

You might be thinking,\u00a0Star of the show? What show?<\/em><\/p>\n

My daughter Heidi (15) is in youth theater and we have a running joke that I keep waiting for the artistic team to call and ask me to play some lead role. Come on, I can totally be Elsa! Give me a chance<\/em>!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yeah not happening. I had my season on the stage. I now work backstage, and I love it! It’s my children’s time to shine.<\/p>\n

Most moms I know aren’t looking for a spotlight (and I’m not saying parents literally shouldn’t be on stages), I just mean that life really isn’t about me anymore.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course this starts from day one as parents. We mamas give up our bodies, time, sleep, energy, we set ourselves aside over and over as our little ones grow up.<\/p>\n

But sometimes, we might miss the memo that this not-about-me aspect of parenthood only\u00a0increases<\/em> as they grow older.<\/p>\n

And if we don’t wrap our minds around this and establish our own well-being, secure identity, and mental health, we can dangerously depend on our children or inadvertently make their journeys too much our own.<\/p>\n

Do we depend too much on our kids?<\/h2>\n

Let’s consider how this can play out in our lives and our children’s.<\/p>\n

Do we depend too much on our kids for SIGNIFICANCE?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

For those hungry for significance<\/em>, we can easily look to our children’s world to establish our own worth.<\/strong><\/p>\n

This begins early! If our toddler tantrums in public we’re wrecked emotionally, angry and embarrassed. A healthy pride over our child’s accomplishments can grow into increasing pressure placed on them to perform, because we see their success as ours.<\/p>\n

As they grow, we can make\u00a0their<\/em> endeavors about our own<\/em> pursuits.<\/p>\n

Do we lean on our kids for SECURITY?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

For those hungry for security,\u00a0<\/em>we can subtly use our children to give us emotional comfort and support.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Perhaps all introverts can identify with how helpful it is to have a child to “hide behind” in social settings. No shame in that, it can certainly make parties easier.<\/p>\n

But as they grow, we can become unhealthily dependent on them, especially if our adult relationships are problematic.<\/p>\n

Both of these place a pressure on children they were never meant to bear. <\/strong>Children were never intended to be\u00a0our<\/em> source of significance or security, and though they might never be able to articulate it, the result of having to shoulder that ill-fitting burden often ends in resentment.<\/p>\n

So how do we avoid this? Asking ourselves a few questions can help.<\/p>\n

\"Significance<\/p>\n

For the little years:<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n