Shutting down the homeschool fight (before it even starts) ~
Written by Kara S. Anderson of Where the Beauty Is

We were invited to our new neighbors’ house for a backyard movie night – and I knew it was going to come up.

Because we’re homeschoolers.

And he’s a public school teacher.

There was going to be that question – that “why?” that strikes fear in our hearts, because if you’re like me, you’ve been down that road, and you’ve gotten smacked head-on by an 18-wheeler of judgment and misunderstanding.

My semi-truck moment came several years ago with a man my husband knows crashed my mom’s birthday celebration. (Truly.)

“So why do you homeschool?” he asked.

We were new to homeschooling, and so stupidly, I tried honesty.

(My son was an early reader, but had little patience for the letter-of-the-day worksheets so loved by his pre-school. Rather than send him to a place where he was just bound to get in trouble …)

“Well, my son was an early reader …” I started.

And before I could explain further, the man pounced: “So was David Koresh.”

Seriously? For clarification’s sake, I want to point out that he was wrong. (I think he had confused his cult leaders.)

I learned an important lesson that night, though – that sometimes, a heartfelt rainbows-and-cupcakes monologue isn’t the best approach when somebody wants to pick a homeschool fight.

Here are a couple of things that work better:

Shutting down the homeschool fight (before it even starts)

1. “Oh, I don’t like to debate my family’s choices.”

This one works on everything from cloth diapering to why your child can’t watch PG-13 movies with Grandma. I find it most effective when stated in a very relaxed way, because I’m not looking for a fight — I’m looking to be all done with that particular topic.

“Oh, I don’t like to debate my family’s choices,” I’ll say with a wave of my hand, as if I’m incapable of getting worked up.

Nope, I’m quietly strong and graceful. I am Princess Diana and the Dalai Lama.

And I am changing the subject to the weather now.

2. I focus my attention on educating my children, not strangers.

I like this one at the grocery store, but I rarely say it aloud. I do repeat it to myself, while smiling politely at whoever is standing in front of me questioning our life and everything that defines us.

Because sometimes it is worth it to make a point, or to defend your choices, and sometimes, you just really need milk and bananas.

3. “We enjoy it.”

I know. This seems too simple. You need to hit folks with more reasoning, right?

No. Because reasoning only works on the reasonable, and then only sometimes.

When I tell someone that we LIKE homeschooling, it immediately shuts down most potential negative responses.

Because expressing your own joy:

• isn’t judging their choices, which can make people feel defensive.
• isn’t an attempt to educate them, which only works if they are open to new ideas.
• isn’t indicating that you are up for a debate, or that you want to continue that particular line of questioning.

Why do we homeschool?

Because we love it. Thank you for asking.

Perhaps at this point you are wondering what happened during that backyard movie night. Ready?

Absolutely nothing.

Which brings me to my last thought:

4. Cool it, John Wayne.

Don’t go into every interaction looking for a fight. Most people who ask about homeschooling are just making conversation, and the entire time you are carefully constructing a well thought out answer, they are trying to remember their grocery list or their brain is otherwise consumed with their own business.

Some are genuinely curious, but most don’t want an argument. (And even if they do, disagreements are one thing, but fights often aren’t worth the time and energy, so choose wisely.)

My neighbor the teacher doesn’t seem to care whether we homeschool our kids, because really, it doesn’t affect him in any way. I could ask him why he chooses to teach public school, but the truth is, that doesn’t affect me.

He’s nice to my kids, and patient with my poor landscaping. He’s a good neighbor and we’re blessed to have him.

So instead of entering into a verbal sparring match about our differences, we found a lot of common ground that night, while watching a movie about creatures from different planets learning to get along.

Really.

Our families laughed as we indulged in sugary snacks, and I think it’s safe to say that we accepted each other, despite being on slightly different paths.

And while the kettle corn and ice cream were great, I think that the quiet acceptance we found that night might have been the sweetest treat of all.

* Find more of Kara’s inspirational writing on SH here!

Do you ever try shutting down the homeschool fight (before it even starts)? What works for you?

Prioritizing mental health in your homeschool this year ~
Written by Kara Anderson, author of More Than Enough

It feels more important than ever to prioritize mental health in our homeschools.

Little quirks we’ve noticed—a child who has trouble falling asleep or feels a bit anxious—can grow if left unchecked. And truthfully, we all have moments where our own stress or worries feel a little bigger than before.

As we step into this new homeschool year, it’s worth remembering that lessons and schedules matter, but so does the emotional well-being of every person in our home.

When we care for our children’s mental health—and our own—we create a learning environment where everyone can truly thrive.

Prioritizing Mental Health in Your Homeschool This Year

Self-care matters (and isn’t selfish!)

My main mental health struggle is anxiety. Looking back now, I can see that I’ve had it since I was a kid. Luckily, I have a counselor and a doctor who I work with to balance my medication and keep me on track with self-care.

In fact, at every appointment, both my doctor and my counselor ask me what I am doing for self-care.

Much more than a trendy term that translates to manicures and face masks, self-care can encompass many physical, emotional and spiritual components to help us stay at our best.

Things like:

• Exercise or movement
• Journaling
• Prayer or meditation
• Eating well
• Staying hydrated
• Making time for hobbies and interests

If you or your kiddos are highly sensitive, it’s helpful to take sensory needs into account, too – it might help to burn candles to eliminate stale smells or try to limit noise as much as possible.

A daily walk might help you reset when recovering from a melt-down (yours or theirs.)

Mostly, self-care is about figuring what you need, and knowing that it’s okay to need it.

And by prioritizing it, we’re teaching our kids that it’s okay to care for ourselves and good to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Plan for it

Something I’ve learned is that when things reach an emotional boiling point, it feels so much better to take an intentional mental health day (or even half-day), than it does to lose your cool and throw in the towel on a random Wednesday.

So when things start to get hard, it can be really helpful to just notice…

Signs to look for in our kids can include crying more often, “whining,” arguing with siblings – these things can feel frustrating and feed into our own anxiety, worry and insecurity. But if we can pull back and see the bigger picture, these behaviors are just the tip of the iceberg.

In my book, More Than Enough, I share about how what we see of an iceberg is just the top percent. The remaining 90 percent is invisible beneath the water:

“That’s how I think of behavior.

Throwing the pencil out of frustration is the part we see.

What we don’t see is fear:

• I don’t understand long division
• My brother gets long division and he’s two years younger than me
• What if I never get this?
• Am I stupid?
• Does Mom think I’m stupid? 

Imagine all those thoughts swirling in you. I would want to throw a pencil too.

I’m not condoning the throwing of sharp implements, of course, I’m just saying that when our kids are struggling, it’s so important not to pile on, and to address the underlying cause, not just the outward behavior.”

And the underlying cause might very well be stress and overwhelm.

Our kids may not be able to vocalize it, but many of them feel it.

And parents do too.

So what can you do when it all feels like too much?

First, you can remember that you are not alone in this.

Second, when your kids are having a hard time emotionally, take off your teacher hat, throw it across the room, and focus on your baby, even if that baby is 16 and taller than you are.

Emotional needs are REAL, which is why you must also focus on your own self-care as a parent.

You can’t help anyone if you are just barely holding on yourself.

So my advice this year is to focus on prioritizing mental health in your homeschool.

In ten years’ time, you’ll look back and know that you made the right decision – one that just might have made all the difference for you and your people.

* Click here to read more of Kara’s inspirational writing on SH.

(And if that means you need extra help, don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor or a counselor. Or, you can also contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 800-950-6264 Monday through Friday from 10 a.m, to 6 p.m., EST or in a crisis, text “NAMI” to 741741 for 24/7, confidential, free crisis counseling.)

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

I Quit Homeschooling Once ~ Written by Kara S. Anderson

I quit homeschooling once.

I remember the day actually – it was two houses ago now, and I was pacing in my living room. I had my sleeping 1-year-old held to my chest in a baby sling, and it was cold, because it was December and that drafty Victorian was always chilly.

We had started in September after a year of church preschool. Preschool had been rocky because my son didn’t like to sit on the line. It was a whole thing – the teacher kept talking to me after class, and I wasn’t sure what to do, but I was gradually realizing that the school wasn’t a good fit for my precocious boy.

Would you prefer to listen to this post?

So we decided to try homeschooling. I spent the summer reading books and getting our little home classroom ready.

We started off strong – perhaps too strong. I realize now that I had an even mixture of zeal and terror.

My son, age 4, had shown a casual interest in knights and castles, and so I read the kids Robin Hood. (I mean, I tried to read the kids Robin Hood – they were 1 and 4 and the book was an inch thick and didn’t have one picture – not even on the cover).

We made paper because paper was invented in Medieval Times.

And we planned out a huge Medieval feast. We ate with the lights off.

At the same time, I also tried to follow a book curriculum, and tried to practice Waldorf methodology like my life depended on it.

Is it any wonder that I burned out before Christmas?

I had jumped in a little too far. I was trying to do homeschool so fully, so completely, when that half-year could have been spent reading, playing and not trying to cram 1,000 years of history into 4 months.

I had such relief when the little Montessori-esque preschool accepted my son.

Trying again

We actually really liked the Montessori school. It had a tree growing in its library. My son loved “Math Mat Time” and music class.

But the school told us that the next year, they wanted to move our 4-year-old into the 6- to 9-year-old classroom because he was an early reader.

We still had another child to consider – and full-days in their grade school were considerably more expensive than the preschool had been.

And so, we decided to try homeschooling one more time. And that time, it stuck.

We just entered out 12th year, and although I’ve experienced plenty of worry and doubt, I’ve never considered quitting again.

So what changed?

I think I was very lucky that I burned out early. The stakes were still pretty low. Even when we started again, I could reason that it was “just” Kindergarten.

But more than that, I realized that if we were in this for the long haul, we had to start treating it like a marathon, and not a race.

I had to pace myself, and stop for (water) breaks, and I had to take a bit more control over how we homeschooled.

When we first started, I used a method that made me feel bad ALL THE TIME.

But when I decided to take the parts of that philosophy that worked for us, and leave the rest behind, I found a new freedom.

Seeing my people

I also decided that the most important part of our homeschool experience was the relationships. 

Nothing worked when I pushed. I’m a highly-sensitive introvert, and an Enneagram 9 – that means that pushing is entirely against my nature.

I needed to factor in every person who lived in our house, because home and homeschool are not separate. I had to make sure I never again put the dogma ahead of my people.

And I decided that if we were going to thrive, I had to quit seeing the Internet as a massive homeschool assignment.

There are so many wonderful ideas out there – but we need to keep them in their place. Ideas are great, but if we’re going to stay sane, we have to pick and choose. We have to be homeschool minimalists – wherein we do what works for us and leave the rest.

Learn from my mistakes

If you were to ask me how you can avoid burning out this year, this is what I would tell you:

• Breaks are so important. Take them when you need them. That means if you can NOT teach one more math lesson until the kitchen gets back to a point of at least being functional, it’s okay.
• Stop following social media accounts that make you feel bad. I don’t care if someone has 100,000 followers or all your friends sing someone’s praises.
• Speaking of which, listen to your gut. Mama Intuition is powerful. Don’t ignore how you feel.
• Develop a self-care routine. This doesn’t have to be fancy. Maybe your routine is reading a book in your room each afternoon during nap/quiet time. Maybe it’s a night with friends once a month.
• Learn about your personality and what you need to thrive. Introverts: read Jamie’s book! (afflink)
• Find a friend you can be honest with, who won’t tell you after a bad day that maybe you should quit homeschooling.
• Realize that you can make mistakes. It’s okay. We ALL make mistakes. We all try a math program that bombs – and online craft project tutorials? Forgetaboutit.

Mostly, I want you to give yourself so much grace. You are one person. We all are.

So do your best, and on the hard days, jump into bed as early as you can and promise yourself you’ll try again in the morning.

Remember Emerson …

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

Don’t you love that?

We can always begin again.

Have you ever considered quitting homeschooling? What helped you stay the course?

Originally published Sept 17, 2019.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Written by Kara S. Anderson

As I write this, I still haven’t made the cranberry bread.

It’s the Saturday after Thanksgiving, and for the first time in probably a decade, we didn’t make the cranberry bread.

Usually we make multiple loaves, and give it to family and friends. But this year, family and friends agreed that sharing food wasn’t a good idea, and so we skipped it. 

Would you rather listen to this post?

I was still planning on making a loaf just for us for Thanksgiving morning. Except the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, I was tired. Like, drag-me-off-the-couch-to-put-in-frozen-pizzas-tired.

I would be scared about this level of exhaustion, except my friends and I talk about it constantly. We talk about problems with word retrieval and temporarily forgetting which key goes into which lock.

One of those friends sent me this article, which helped me find enormous peace, especially with Christmas approaching.

Because the truth is, I’m worried about Christmas, because I’m tired and feeling a little Scroogy.

A Guide to a More Peaceful Christmas

This isn’t easy

I know Scrooge was cheap and angry, and I’m neither of those things, but since March when we went into Covid lockdown, I’ve had a hard time putting together traditional holiday celebrations. 

Easter was a muted affair.

For my birthday, I almost didn’t want to celebrate. (Although I did enjoy the Japanese carry-out my husband brought home and the cake my daughter made). 

And when my husband’s birthday rolled around 3 days later, I felt pretty good about tracking down some fun gifts … except I forgot to save even one good idea for Father’s Day, a month later.

I thought Halloween was going to be the hardest. I usually LOVE Halloween. 

But Thanksgiving? It felt way off. Normally we spend the evening playing games with friends, and this year, with just the four of us, we struggled to find our rhythm. We finally did, but it was an exhausting day – I slept until 10:30 the next morning and was the FIRST one up.

So is it any wonder, that on the eve of Advent, I’m sweating about whether we’ll have a peaceful Christmas? 

Embracing different

Perhaps you’re feeling this same stress.

I think this year would be especially hard with little kids. It seems so unfair to me that the time when you want to create Christmas magic the most for your kids is the time when they are youngest and you have the least energy.

So first, I think we need to be incredibly kind to ourselves this year when it comes to the winter holidays.

Things might look different, and that’s OK.

I have a friend who instead of a traditional Thanksgiving dinner this year, did a Superbowl style party with appetizers, dips and finger food.

Maybe we should just embrace that nothing is normal?

Simple traditions

On the other hand, a few old traditions can be grounding. For instance, our family celebrates Jolabokaflod. Everyone gets a new book and some chocolate on Christmas Eve.

I’ve always loved this tradition because it’s simple. So this is one I can handle this year.

I also loved Tsh’s idea of extending the holiday with the traditional 12 days of christmas, Christmas Day through January 6, Epiphany.

Actually, our favorite time of year has always been the week between Christmas and New Year’s. We stay up late, sleep in, eat leftover cinnamon rolls and drink gallons of hot chocolate. We always have a puzzle going, listen to audiobooks, play lots of games and watch movies.

More Joy, Less Pressure = A More Peaceful Christmas

This year, things are bound to be different. I hope that you’re able to let yourself off the hook a bit with the things that don’t bring joy anyway (around here that means Christmas cards – all the ordering and addressing makes me sweaty).

Instead, go all-in on your family’s favorite things, even if they are a bit non-traditional.

Focus on time together – the gift of family – and the hope that 2021 will be a bit brighter.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Written by Kara S. Anderson

It was June.

A hot June, and I had committed myself to a 40-day cleaning program.

And so I lugged the vacuum cleaner up and down the stairs, sweating profusely, swearing almost as profusely, wondering why I had decided to deep clean my house during one of the warmest months of the year.

Of course, I knew the answer. We had just finished a school year, and so I had “extra time.”

The cleaning plan had promised I would be able to reset my home in just 15 minutes a day, but I had already been vacuuming for 45.

I assumed that spoke to the condition of my house, and dutifully vacuumed on.

And the challenge worked. After 40 days, we had less clutter, and our cabinets were more organized.

Still, sometimes I would notice things, like how our kitchen garbage always seemed to be overflowing; or how our dining room table ALWAYS had “clutter,” i.e. incomplete homeschool and hobby projects.

Would I ever find a cleaning plan that actually worked for me, a busy, work-at-home, homeschooling mom?

Homeschool homes are a little different

The answer is no. Although I’ve tried. Believe me.

I’ve bought books, subscribed to YouTube channels, followed Pinterest accounts, created Pinterest boards, and downloaded approximately 87 million different cleaning routines.

I’ve tried them all, and it’s a little like when you’re trying to figure out how to homeschool – many methods, philosophies and plans have good parts.

But no cleaning plan has really ever worked for me.

It took me a while to figure out why, and then recently I was reading through yet another cleaning plan and I noticed something … the assumption was that you could reset your house late in the day, and then again in the morning, but that during the hours between 9 and 4, 5 or 6, no one was making messes.

And I know you know this already, but homeschooling can be pretty messy. On a daily basis we confront lots of paper, art supplies, craft projects, toy messes, perhaps even science experiments gone wrong …

Some days we add in even more – paper maché, tiny chefs cooking or baking, a toddler who found a Sharpie …. GLITTER.

“Cleaning house while kids are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.” – possibly Phyllis Diller, (the etymology is dubious)

And so as homeschoolers, who are with our kids all day, we simply have to have different expectations and a different strategy for keeping our homes clean…ish.

A new homeschool cleaning routine

So I decided to create a new plan, based on real life – a plan that makes time for handling daily messes, because those are just a reality of homeschooling.

As homeschoolers, we also need to prioritize dishes, because we eat at home a lot. Back in my office days, I would grab breakfast as I left for the day, and either eat a packed lunch or grab food on the go.

But now, it isn’t unusual for us to eat three meals a day (plus 81 snacks) at home. And cleaning up after that takes time.

But we also have an advantage – those of us with older kids have built in help, as long as we’re willing to invest a little time teaching our kids how to clean.

So I want to assure you – if you struggle a bit with housekeeping – it’s not just you.

And if all those cleaning plans out there haven’t worked – it isn’t you, it’s just that those plans aren’t meant for families like ours.

How to start over with a new cleaning routine

The good news is, you can start to build a new routine right now.

As you do so, just keep in mind:

1. Many of us are not naturally organized or natural cleaners.
2. As homeschoolers, our situation is different than a lot of families, so “regular” cleaning routines might not work for us.
3. This is a place where expectations can really drag us down. But if we can shift our mindset from Instagram and Pinterest images to wanting a cozy, warm environment for learning and more, it can alleviate a lot of pressure.

I’ve created a cleaning plan if you need help getting started – you can read all about it here. It includes a FREE printable that makes it quick and easy to jump right in. (Pssst … the free printable includes a coupon for a discount off the full ebook!)

I hope you’ll head over and grab it, and feel a little more peace starting now.

What’s your favorite homeschool-friendly cleaning tip? Please share!

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Written by Kara S. Anderson

When I was a little kid, I used to read in closets. Mostly Nancy Drew.

My mother worried, but of course no one talked about introverts much back then. It was years before Jamie’s book and community would be born.

So I read in closets, and my mother fretted, but she saw that the reading was helping me, so she kept me stocked in Nancy Drews. Thank goodness there were so many of them.

Good books = ‘Comfort food’

Lately, I’ve again been reading for comfort; I’ve been devouring World War II era fiction.

When the pandemic started, I was OK until the library closed, and then I started sweating. I knew we would need books. I put pretty much our entire homeschool budget, entertainment budget and let’s face it – any other dollars I could find – toward books.

And for myself, I ordered a lot of World War II fiction.

I have always felt tied to World War II since hearing my grandparents’ love story – dances at the army base, long distance love, he proposing within minutes of stepping off the train …

But I will admit that I knew little about what it was really like during World War II before I started reading historical fiction. (See? We all have gaps in our education!)

For example, until I read The Postmistress, (afflink) it hadn’t occurred to me that we didn’t know if German soldiers would storm our eastern coast in the U.S. I had simply never considered it.

I also became interested in rationing as our nation started to have shortages. (This is nothing, I could remind myself when I started a tizzy over the “right” shape of pasta.)

I ended up ordering a ration book off of Ebay so I could share it with my kids. And in Secrets of a Charmed Life, I learned toilet paper was hard to get during World War II too!

Books + Conversation

A big part of what we do here is talk.

That sounds simple – too simple. But books can open up such wonderful discussions. We often chat about what we’re reading, and my World War II era books were so fascinating to me that I couldn’t help but share them.

I can’t NOT talk about the charm of 84, Charing Cross Road – letters exchanged following World War II between an American writer and the staff of a London bookshop.

The writer, Helene Hanff, sends the staff eggs and meat and arranges a drop off of stockings for the female staff. I read it in a morning and now I want to read it again just writing about it.

Handling hard times

And so, good books have been getting me through.

In the times it all felt heaviest, and when it felt like our school year just crumbled, I could look to the heroines in my books and realize that in the past, nations have faced a lot and people have still handled hard times with kindness and care for others.

To see the growing list of World War II books that are continuing to bring me comfort, head here.

Which books have helped you through a challenging time? 

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Written by Kara S. Anderson

A few weeks ago, I made a commitment that we were going to finish the last six weeks of school STRONG.

We were going to buckle down on math, and finish the things that were lingering out there.

I was so serious, that I put it on Instagram. I wanted some accountability.

Pretty much as soon as I did this, my daughter ended up in the hospital for three days. This was after a trip to the emergency room, returning home, and then heading back.

She got home on my husband’s birthday, which we barely celebrated. We still owe him a cake.

Two minutes later it was Mother’s Day, and then came a dead car, a broken toilet, and finally, a window that just exploded.

So as I sit here typing this, my question is obviously, “If God really wanted me to buckle down on homeschooling, why does He keep giving me all this other stuff to do?”

This is not a new idea, of course. My favorite resource when I need to remember that God never intended us to shove 36 hours of homeschooling, parenting, housekeeping, work, etc., into a 24-hour day is Sarah Mackenzie’s Teaching From Rest. (afflink)

In it, she writes:

“Take a hard look at the 168 hours in your week. Now consider your non-negotiables: sleep, eat, shower, pray. Plug in meal preparation, rest and church on Sunday, and enough wind-down time at the end of each day to ensure a good night’s sleep. See what’s left? You don’t get any more than that, sister.”

Crap.

Although I know that’s true, I kind of hate it.

Because I always feel behind on something. And sometimes the things that fall off the to-do list are the BIG things.

Tuesday, my day started with pre-caffeine pajama toilet plunging. Guess what happened to Bible Study?

Wednesday my son’s window shattered before I had even gotten out of bed. So math was delayed by careful glass clean-up and multiple phone calls.

I can’t beat myself up about this. The window needs to get fixed; we need a car because not having one is keeping us from being able to fulfill commitments and get where we need to go, like … work.

So I don’t think my problem is priorities.

I don’t suspect yours is either, although I know a lot of you are in the same place as I am – always feeling behind – dealing with disappointment as another school year wraps up and you didn’t fit it all you wanted to.

It’s a terrible feeling – and the countdown clock has only gotten louder for me as my kids age and I’ve started to focus on the number of years before they leave home.

It’s all enough to paralyze me if I let it, and yet, I know I am trying. I know my heart is in the right place for these kids. I want to give them everything, it’s just that life keeps getting in the way.

Rhythm lost

Earlier this year we moved. It shifted everything.

I just realized this past week that I have yet to bake cookies in this house, and we’ve been here six months.

Is it any wonder, then, that school hasn’t yet found its rhythm?

And the harder I push, the harder I get push-back – not from my kids, necessarily, but from LIFE.

There is simply always something beeping, breaking, brewing or barfing (<— usually pets.)

We can’t ignore those things. What kind of parents are we if we teach our kids division, but neglect to buy groceries? Or if we drill them on capitals, but never take them to the dentist?

Any homeschool parent who has been at this for more than 15 minutes knows that home education is different. We’ve all heard that unlike school, homeschooling is a way of life.

But the standards and old rules are still deeply ingrained. Learning still looks like a kid with a pencil, even if that kid is perched in a tree.

Press pause

When I’m able to press pause, I remember that learning can look all kinds of ways, and can happen anywhere. I remember to look at my kids and see that they are healthy, happy, engaged, smart, funny …

But then I also remember I need to make a radiology appointment.

I feel a little frazzled most of the time lately, and I can point to the exact origin – GUILT. Guilt weighs on me so much that every few months I have to go to get my neck fixed. The diagnosis: “stress.”

It doesn’t help that in 2019, we have people bashing working homeschooling parents. What I see from the working homeschool parents I know is so much effort to get it right, to find a balance … to keep their kids first …

Slinging mud then is just a toxic smokescreen and P.S. I don’t often see dads criticized for working. Ahem.

Intention and effort

And so this is where I find myself, on a Wednesday, when I am writing a post instead of baking cookies; instead of teaching my kids Latin, instead of calling the radiologist:

I am doing the best I can.

I wish it was better and more, but I am working on that – not the better and more part, but the guilt part.

Because now I get to log off, and I get to be with my kids. And dragging residual guilt into our time together isn’t going to help anyone.

I bet you are doing your best too. Not THE BEST. (That’s fancy internet nonsense curated by people with more free time and less puking pets and exploding windows than you and me).

We are real parents, giving real effort, 24 hours a day.

I want to believe that intention and effort is enough here.

I’m sure that LOVE is. But as homeschooling parents, we need to show ourselves love too.

We know this is still a path less chosen. There will be plenty of people who will tell us that what we are endeavoring to do is too hard; that we aren’t capable; or that we aren’t doing it right.

When we add our own voice – the voice of guilt – on top of that, we’re dooming ourselves to failure, or at least to missing out on the beauty in the mess.

I wish I could tell us all that we are enough, and that when we look back, we’ll wish we spent all these hours worrying just enjoying our kids.

The very reason this is so hard in the moment is because we desperately want to get it right.

But then, doesn’t that prove that there is no one out there more perfect for the job?

How do you deal with homeschool guilt? Where are you finding beauty in the busyness of life?

Originally posted on May 29, 2019

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Written by Kara S. Anderson

I know I’m not alone when I say the past few weeks here have been challenging in terms of homeschool planning.

I struggle with executive functioning when my anxiety gets high, and as much as I want to present a real plan to my kiddos each morning, it’s hard when we’re balancing so much and dealing with a different kind of mental load.

One day last week I spent too much time trying to find and buy alcohol wipes for my husband who has Type 1 diabetes and requires multiple shots per day.

It just feels hard to hit it out of the park with fun, creative homeschool planning, too.

And so now more than ever, I want to encourage homeschooling parents to be kind to themselves and to not get weighed down by huge expectations.

This is unprecedented stuff, and we’re all doing the best we can – even those of us who have been at this for more than a decade.

Simple record keeping

If you feel like each day gets away from you a bit, or if you can see your kids learning, but it’s feeling a little hard to track, I want to share two resources.

The first is Seesaw. Seesaw helps you record learning throughout the course of your day. You can take photos, upload video, record voice clips or written notes and more.

If you’re more of a paper person, though, you can find a simple tracker in my homeschool printable pack.

It’s easy to get distracted

Have you felt overwhelmed by all the amazing free offerings lately?

It’s so wonderful that companies are opening up and sharing, but it can be hard to keep track of all the free classes, programs, and worksheets.

So I want to share another secret weapon with you for ALL THE IDEAS.

I use something I call my Big Picture Planning Page.

I make a new one each month, and whenever I come across an idea for a field trip, a craft, or a science project … I write it down.

There’s a BPPP sheet included here if you feel like it would be a help to you! 

Write down all the wonderful free things you see, and then move them to your weekly printable plan later.

But wait …

Now this is key – just because you write something down does not mean that something has to happen. 

It isn’t a pinkie promise – it’s just an idea.

If something isn’t time sensitive, you can move an idea to the next month.

But sometimes, after an idea sits on my BPPP for a while, I just decide that maybe that idea wasn’t for us.

The beauty of having a big picture planning page is that you have a place for ideas, and you can keep ideas in their place.

If things feel extra hard …

I started out this post saying that I’ve been struggling with executive functioning during the recent COVID-19 crisis. It’s hard for me to make plans right now.

If you’re really struggling, please know that it’s okay to scale way back. Mental health is important! I created a different set of FREE printables to help me get through those really hard days.

Remember: this current crisis won’t go on forever. Homeschool planning will become easier again. 

So for now, I want to encourage you to be kind to yourself, and to not beat yourself up if your homeschooling doesn’t look how you want it to long-term.

No one could have predicted this, and it isn’t like everyone else got the Pandemic Homeschool Manual.

Do what you can, but remember that time spent together playing games, reading good books and watching movies absolutely counts.

May you create warm memories during this challenging time…together. 

How are you handling planning right now?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

When homeschool doubt creeps in – you are enough ~
Written by Kara S. Anderson

A note from Jamie: In the midst of all the uncertainty surrounding us, friends, Kara’s post and her book, More Than Enough: Grow Your Confidence, Banish Burnout and Love Your Homeschool Life, are even more needed to encourage us when life gets tough–enjoy!

Something hard happened a few weeks ago.

We went to a new doctor, who got very hung up on homeschooling.

Prefer to listen instead?

Instead of focusing on health questions, he asked a lot of school questions:

“Can you type?” 

“Do you take classes online?” 

“What are your college plans?” 

And the zinger – “Are you at grade level in all of your subjects?”

We left feeling frustrated because it seemed like homeschooling had become a distraction to what brought us there in the first place.

Only later did some other feelings creep in for me.

Doubt. Fear. Worry.

And an old friend showed up. I call her the Worry Elephant. She sits on my chest at midnight and whispers. I hear that I can’t do this. That I’m messing up. That I’m not enough.

When homeschool doubt creeps in – you are enough

Traditional school is not a guarantee

So here’s the thing: We are still doing something fairly unproven. Although “homeschooling” was the way people learned long ago, once schools popped up everywhere, they became the standard, and then the “normal.”

I doubt that doc would have asked any of those questions if my child went to public school.

Because our culture sees public school as some kind of guarantee.

Of course schools will do a good job. Of course they’ll keep our kids at grade level. 

But public school can’t actually guarantee anything.

Kids still get Ds. They fall behind. They fail. They drop-out.

They may skate by without learning certain concepts because with one teacher to 25 or 30 kids, not everyone is getting enough attention to know if they truly understand lowest common multiples.

So that kid gets an F on the fractions test, but is moved along to the next concept anyway.

A lot to carry

Meanwhile, homeschoolers get the side-eye because we’re weird, right?

We’ve chosen this crazy alternative. And even though colleges like Harvard are opening their doors for homeschooled kids, homeschooling really only re-emerged a generation ago.

And in one generation it’s changed exponentially through technology.

So it shouldn’t be our job to prove anything to the world at large, but unfortunately, we’re sort of carrying that weight. You know, on top of the weight of responsibility of educating our children.

Shaking off the doubt

So of course doubt creeps in. Because we want to do this well. None of us is okay with failure when it comes to our kids’ futures.

So when the doctor started questioning my child, a lot of old fears resurfaced. 

I felt shaken and gut-punched.

I have a child approaching graduation, and there are a lot of big “tests” on the horizon – the SAT, college admission …

It’s already a scary time, and then that doctor preyed on some of our biggest fears.

So how am I moving past those worries and refocusing?

Well luckily, that’s something I have a lot of experience with:

• First, I look at my kids. Are they learning? Yes. Are they learning what their public school counterparts are learning? Sheesh – probably not. Right now they are doing deep dives into politics and creating music and engrossed in chemistry and forensics and otherwise being amazing.
  I mean yes – we’re building a transcript and covering requirements, but it’s not always neat and tidy.
• Next, I remember why we homeschool in the first place. Oh my goodness – it’s because my kids are unique and quirky and fascinating and I didn’t want them squished into a system.
• Then I focus on what homeschooling has given us – the kind of relationship I wanted with my kids. We are a team.
• Finally, I remember that we are doing something against the norm, and that takes a ton of courage. It’s hard to be brave all the time, so it’s okay to feel shaken. But courage is not the absence of fear – it’s being scared, but continuing on in spite of that fear.

A bit more about doubt

Finally, there will be so many times in homeschooling that we doubt ourselves.

We will question again and again if we are equipped to do this – if we are enough.

And I want to tell you that you are.

First, it doesn’t matter what the doubters say – they lack imagination.

Second, no one loves your child more or is more invested in his or her future than you.

Third, I’ve started to make friends with my Worry Elephant. Because I’ve realized that all those night when I thought she was just trying to freak me out, she was actually reminding me of something vital:

We worry because we love our kids so much. 

So we will not fail them.

That intense fear we feel can only be that intense because of our boundless love for our kids.

So will this journey be perfect? Probably not. Will it look like the traditional school journey? Absolutely not.

But that’s OK.

It doesn’t need to.

It never did.

If this post speaks to you, check out my brand new book More Than Enough: Grow Your Confidence, Banish Burnout and Love Your Homeschool Life, available here.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

How to create a transcript as relaxed homeschoolers ~
Written by Kara Anderson

A few years ago, I had a panic going on.

My son was starting middle school, and I felt like we had to get serious. After years of interest-led learning, and the gentleness of Waldorf, I convinced myself that we needed to switch gears and be able to clearly. quantify. all. learning.

In two years, he would be in high school, I reasoned. We needed to start thinking about The Transcript.

The Transcript haunted me.

I was really worried about how we were going to be able to show what he had learned when his learning felt a little “all over the place.” And I had nightmares of him not being able to get into college because of my failure to properly record the two weeks we spent watching the Ken Burns Vietnam documentary series.

Then one day I ran into my friend at Target. We caught up and I learned that her daughter had just started middle school! The only thing was … her daughter was in 6th grade.

And that’s how I learned that in our district, middle school starts in 6th grade. Not 7th grade like I had been thinking.

So the truth was, I was already a year behind in building The Transcript.

But honestly, running into the friend provided a wonderful wake-up call for me – it was a reminder that different school districts do things different ways, and that there really wasn’t any kind of rush.

We could certainly wait to start The Transcript until at least 9th grade, and it didn’t have to be this big overwhelming thing.

We didn’t have to change everything – we just had to find a way to document what we were already doing.

Deep breaths. So this year, we started The Transcript.

It certainly isn’t perfect, and we’re absolutely learning on the job here. Today, I wanted to share a bit about what that looks like:

How to create a transcript as relaxed homeschoolers

Plan backwards

As unschooly types, I don’t plan out much in advance. We like to follow the kids’ interests here, which means that long-term planning is sort of a fool’s errand.

I would rather spend my time finding resources for them in the midst of their own explorations, and occasionally setting up learning invitations.

So I plan backwards. That means that I write down what we do after we do it.

The benefit of this with transcript-building is that whatever I write down is already done, so it’s easy to document it without trying to remember if we actually did the thing I was hoping to do.

Refresh yourself on credits and units and all that jazz

This summer, I reached out to my pal Melissa, whose oldest daughter recently started college.  

Here is what she told me:

“A year-long class is one ‘unit,’ a semester-long class is ½ unit.

A unit = between 120-180 ‘Carnegie units’

A Carnegie unit = 1 hour of instruction or 2 of practice

We counted reading, YouTube videos, curriculum, any kind of lessons, and discussion as ‘instruction.’ We counted hands-on stuff that didn’t involve new learning or processing as ‘practice.'”

After reading this, I felt my shoulders lift. This was so do-able!

(P.S. She also said Khan Academy SAT Prep is amazing.)

Record everything

I started a simple Google Sheet where I track everything. I add things by general subject, and just for fun, I color-code according to subject. That just helps me to see, OK, we’ve been doing a lot of history lately, but maybe not so much writing…

Then I can chat with my teen about that. Because guess what – a teen who really wants to go to college is invested in this process. Crazy, right?

I also set an alarm in my calendar, and once a month, I make sure I update The Transcript. That means I comb his room for library books that need to be returned anyway, projects that he’s completed, and look back at my bullet journal for what we’ve done that month.

Easy-Peasy.

It’s time to step up, kiddo

The great thing about teaching a high school kid is that they are usually 13- or 14-years-old, so it’s naturally time for them to take a little more personal responsibility.

Therefore, if you have a kid committed to going to college, you can get them to help keep their own transcript. Share that Google Sheet! Have them set an alarm in their phone.

If, on the other hand, your kid is a little “meh” on their future, don’t freak out. Which brings me to…

What about kids who might not want to go to college?

If your child is not planning on going to college, or isn’t sure what she or he wants to do after graduation, it’s smart to start a transcript anyway.

They don’t HAVE to use it. It isn’t going to hurt anything if they decide to go another route after high school.

BUT, if they do decide to pursue college, you’re not trying to invent a transcript last-minute.

And if they decide at 40 to go back to school, they don’t have to try to remember what they did for science 24 years ago.

So take heart, fellow relaxed homeschoolers – we can do this.

We can figure it out. 

We’ve figured out everything else so far with parenting and homeschooling, right?

This is just another step we’re taking together.

Have you built a transcript with your child, or are you building one now? What tips would you share?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Originally published October 2018