Homeschooling with Trauma: My Story ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool

Five years ago my inner world began to collapse, and it felt like my outer world might too. It started so innocently. During COVID, when all of our worlds were toppling, my husband decided to start therapy.

When he told me this, it was as much of a surprise as if he had said, “I’ve decided to get plastic surgery.”

In other words, a wildly out-of-the-blue move for my British “Keep calm and carry on” husband. I had never done therapy either, but after six months of observing his process, I decided to try it too.

“Maybe therapy will help me navigate the stress of homeschooling and raising three teens?” I thought.

I had no idea it would first shatter, then painfully rebuild, my entire life and worldview.

Looking back, I can almost laugh at my naivety. Almost, but not quite.

Early on my therapist asked me to share one of my earliest memories. I shared what, to me, had always been a typical and slightly humorous story.

After listening she said, “This is curious and unusual. It’s not the way a typical preschooler would think or behave. It points to something deeper that you may want to explore with a trauma specialist.”

Homeschooling with Trauma: My Story

During the same season in my Introverted Moms book club community, I’d chosen The Powerful Purpose of Introverts by Holley Gerth for us to read and discuss. She had a section in one chapter about “high functioning depression,” a term I’d never heard before.

When I read the characteristics, it floored me to resonate with the majority.

But I couldn’t be depressed! I got out of bed every morning, I homeschooled three kids (two with special needs), I wrote books and blogs and led an online community of women! Sure, sometimes I experienced deep lows in which my entire body ached, I couldn’t sleep, I felt unworthy of existence and like death on the inside, but I held my sh** together!

God, in grace and kindness, brought a truth to the surface that refused to remain buried any longer.

The past five years have been a grief-filled arc of death and resurrection. Of course when you’re in the midst of death, you never know if resurrection awaits.

All the inner parts of myself that had protected me for so long deserved to have their voices and pain finally heard. I thought this phase would never end. It’s impossible to honor those years in a few sentences.

And through it all, I continued my final years of homeschooling, continued writing and leading a team of contributors here at Simple Homeschool and sharing heartfelt content with my online community of introverted moms. But it came at a cost.

At the end of one year I told a friend, “It feels like everything I’ve created this year has wounded me.”

One of my most painful steps of obedience included pausing a book idea. I sobbed through the Zoom call with my agent (ugly cry, ya’ll.) It felt like everything important to me, all I thought I knew, was falling to pieces. Because it was.

I’ve built my online platform around emotional authenticity, so a part of me deeply wanted to share in more detail. But I had no idea how to start.

“Hi I’m Jamie. I may be having a nervous breakdown?”

I had plenty of words; I never would have survived if it hadn’t been for my journals. Yet for the first time in a long time those words were just for me.

I had to rewrite my life story – the most important story I’ve ever written, even if only I ever read it.

When I thought I couldn’t take any more, I glimpsed the tiniest sliver of light underneath a closed and locked door. Very, very slowly, the door began to open.

As I finally processed and cleared away repressed negative emotions, I began to know myself anew. My transformation started on the inside and spread all the way out; I often hear how different I look from those who have known me a long time.

I shine and sparkle with an inner confidence that I thought only others could feel.

To be clear, my pain hasn’t completely vanished. But now I know what it is and why I carry it. I know it isn’t my fault, isn’t anyone’s fault. I know that I am finally safe.

I can feel sad without being swallowed by sadness – can teach my kids how to deal with big emotions because I’ve learned how myself. They aren’t a terrifying threat anymore.

Five years after resonating with Holley Gerth’s characteristics of high functioning depression, I returned to her checklist to discover that I now resonate with zero of them. Zero!

On the eve of my 50th birthday, I wanted to mark my transformation in a concrete way. So I did:

It’s still a challenge to put all this into words. But I had to start somewhere, and it couldn’t be with a post called “5 ways to survive homeschooling with trauma.” No bite-sized bullet points can sum up this process!

This is my story to tell, and I’ve waited to tell it. I want to honor it, and it’s finally time to share.

May it offer a glimmer of hope to those of you in the midst of dark inner or outer circumstances that also feel impossible for words.

Those in the grief and death phase, without any promise of life or resurrection yet.

You’re out there, showing up, attempting to make it through another day. Homeschooling with trauma in the midst of it all.

The only thing you feel sure of is that you’re constantly coming up short.

But when treading water is all you can do, it isn’t failure. It’s courage. It’s survival.

I see you, and I know how much strength it takes just to stay afloat. xo

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Prioritizing mental health in your homeschool this year ~
Written by Kara Anderson, author of More Than Enough

It feels more important than ever to prioritize mental health in our homeschools.

Little quirks we’ve noticed—a child who has trouble falling asleep or feels a bit anxious—can grow if left unchecked. And truthfully, we all have moments where our own stress or worries feel a little bigger than before.

As we step into this new homeschool year, it’s worth remembering that lessons and schedules matter, but so does the emotional well-being of every person in our home.

When we care for our children’s mental health—and our own—we create a learning environment where everyone can truly thrive.

Prioritizing Mental Health in Your Homeschool This Year

Self-care matters (and isn’t selfish!)

My main mental health struggle is anxiety. Looking back now, I can see that I’ve had it since I was a kid. Luckily, I have a counselor and a doctor who I work with to balance my medication and keep me on track with self-care.

In fact, at every appointment, both my doctor and my counselor ask me what I am doing for self-care.

Much more than a trendy term that translates to manicures and face masks, self-care can encompass many physical, emotional and spiritual components to help us stay at our best.

Things like:

• Exercise or movement
• Journaling
• Prayer or meditation
• Eating well
• Staying hydrated
• Making time for hobbies and interests

If you or your kiddos are highly sensitive, it’s helpful to take sensory needs into account, too – it might help to burn candles to eliminate stale smells or try to limit noise as much as possible.

A daily walk might help you reset when recovering from a melt-down (yours or theirs.)

Mostly, self-care is about figuring what you need, and knowing that it’s okay to need it.

And by prioritizing it, we’re teaching our kids that it’s okay to care for ourselves and good to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Plan for it

Something I’ve learned is that when things reach an emotional boiling point, it feels so much better to take an intentional mental health day (or even half-day), than it does to lose your cool and throw in the towel on a random Wednesday.

So when things start to get hard, it can be really helpful to just notice…

Signs to look for in our kids can include crying more often, “whining,” arguing with siblings – these things can feel frustrating and feed into our own anxiety, worry and insecurity. But if we can pull back and see the bigger picture, these behaviors are just the tip of the iceberg.

In my book, More Than Enough, I share about how what we see of an iceberg is just the top percent. The remaining 90 percent is invisible beneath the water:

“That’s how I think of behavior.

Throwing the pencil out of frustration is the part we see.

What we don’t see is fear:

• I don’t understand long division
• My brother gets long division and he’s two years younger than me
• What if I never get this?
• Am I stupid?
• Does Mom think I’m stupid? 

Imagine all those thoughts swirling in you. I would want to throw a pencil too.

I’m not condoning the throwing of sharp implements, of course, I’m just saying that when our kids are struggling, it’s so important not to pile on, and to address the underlying cause, not just the outward behavior.”

And the underlying cause might very well be stress and overwhelm.

Our kids may not be able to vocalize it, but many of them feel it.

And parents do too.

So what can you do when it all feels like too much?

First, you can remember that you are not alone in this.

Second, when your kids are having a hard time emotionally, take off your teacher hat, throw it across the room, and focus on your baby, even if that baby is 16 and taller than you are.

Emotional needs are REAL, which is why you must also focus on your own self-care as a parent.

You can’t help anyone if you are just barely holding on yourself.

So my advice this year is to focus on prioritizing mental health in your homeschool.

In ten years’ time, you’ll look back and know that you made the right decision – one that just might have made all the difference for you and your people.

* Click here to read more of Kara’s inspirational writing on SH.

(And if that means you need extra help, don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor or a counselor. Or, you can also contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 800-950-6264 Monday through Friday from 10 a.m, to 6 p.m., EST or in a crisis, text “NAMI” to 741741 for 24/7, confidential, free crisis counseling.)

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

3 Steps to Tame the Beast of Homeschool Anxiety ~
Written By Erin Vincent of Nourishing My Scholar

My homeschool anxiety has hit an all-time high recently. Suddenly I’m anxious and overthinking:

Am I teaching my kids everything they need to succeed? Will I fail them in the long run? Are they getting enough socialization? What about high school electives? Are we doing too much? Maybe we’re not doing enough!

Why is my brain acting like a runaway train with thoughts and ideas that feel overwhelming? Guess what? Sometimes homeschool parents get anxious.

I’m a chronic over-thinker. Sometimes it turns into a full-blown anxiety attack! We can’t always explain why our brains do the things they do.

Here are three proactive steps we can take to calm the fear and worry when they rear their ugly heads.

Taming the Beast of Homeschool Anxiety

1. Breathe.

Deep breath. It’s normal to get a little anxious from time to time. Deep breaths can help as can prayer/meditation.

Sometimes there is no “real” reason for my anxiety. Suddenly my brain just starts opening browser tabs of worry and doesn’t want to stop. When I’m in the midst of a full-blown anxiety attack, I focus on taking slow, deep breaths and the 5-4-3-2-1 method.

• 5 things I can see
• 4 things I can hear
• 3 things I can touch
• 2 things I can smell
• 1 thing I can taste

Once my anxiety passes I focus on the next steps.

2. Are there any “real” areas of concern? If so, take action!

Are there any “real” concerns? Many times, for me, there isn’t. My mind was just going off the rails of worry.

But I always take inventory of my thoughts and prayerfully ask if there is an area of concern I need to truly be worried about.

When I felt like I might be failing my son because I suspected a learning disability, I made sure to tailor his education to his unique needs.

When I felt that still wasn’t making enough of a difference and I wanted clearer answers my husband and I took him for a complete neuropsych evaluation. They discovered that he had ADHD as well as Dysgraphia.

The psychologist provided a more detailed way of tailoring his education even further to address his learning challenges. This eased my anxiety about if I was doing enough while providing me with a doable plan of action. Doable plans of action are helpful for mommas like me!

3. Remember to find the JOY!

Many things help bring us joy and I like to start by writing in my gratitude journal each day. It helps to solidify in my mind all of my many blessings. It’s a great deal harder to be anxious when you’re overflowing with joy and gratitude.

Getting outside as well as regular exercise helps a ton too! Both aid to increase serotonin which assists in lifting depression and anxiety symptoms.

Maybe that’s why those nature walks are so great for our mental well-being.

Homeschool Anxiety Doesn’t Have to Consume You

We all overthink at times and some of us deal with a very real anxiety monster. But we don’t have to let that beast steal our homeschool joy and contentment.

If anxiety is getting in the way of your day-to-day life, then talk to your doctor. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. We’re all just parents trying to do the best we can.

It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling, and it’s also okay when those worries and fears are too much.

Talk them out with someone you can trust so you can get back to enjoying the gift of homeschooling.

What helps you the most when your homeschool anxiety flares up?

What’s Your Child’s Learning Style? Take Jamie’s new quiz now and set yourself up for homeschooling success by understanding the way they learn best!

The simple solution to homeschool envy and internet overwhelm ~
Written by Kara Fleck

Once upon a time, in a season of self doubt and struggle, I was feeling overburdened with homeschool FOMO (fear of missing out). Comparison was hurting my pride.

I needed to remember that there is a simple solution to my Homeschool Envy and internet overwhelm: unplug.

That’s it.

Unplug.

Super simple, but a reminder I need from time to time. I unplugged and within a few days I could feel the knots untangling and my confidence returning.

Maybe you need to hear it, too? Are you feeling like your homeschool doesn’t measure up to the picture perfect images we are bombarded with? Are you doubting your abilities?

Or perhaps your doubt isn’t homeschool related. Is there is something else troubling you and giving you pause about your own worth and abilities?

The simple solution to Instagram homeschool envy and internet overwhelm

Before you quit (homeschool, baking, photography, writing, painting, whatever it is), try this:

UNPLUG.

No Instagram.

No Pinterest.

No YouTube.

No Facebook group.

No email newsletters.

None of it.

Those things can be lovely and inspirational and informative. Networking, learning from each other, being genuine fans and appreciating each other in this wonderful, wide internet can be a very positive thing.

I know this. I live this. I love this! (well, most of the time)

The last thing I personally want to be to any of my audience is a source of discouragement. In fact, that is the opposite of why I am putting myself and our homeschool out here.

I’m here because I want to inspire, to encourage, and to show that if messy, imperfect me and my messy, imperfect family can do this then you and your family can, too.

I sure do like a pretty picture. A well composed blog post is my pride. I’m selective about what I put on my social media. I love playing with filters and light and color.

Advances in technology let many of us amateurs play around with professional looking results. Looks can be deceiving.

Quiet the electronic hum

I’m a social media creator but I’m also a consumer.

And as a consumer I speak from experience when I say that the moment those pins and images and essays and memes and resource lists start becoming the impossible ruler you measure yourself up against – you vs. the entire internet – the moment you start comparing yourself to that booming collective voice … unplug.

Disconnect from the outside influence, judgement, and comments.

Quiet that electronic hum, mute those groups, unfollow folks that make you feel less than.

Close the curtain on the virtual window, stop taking in all the visuals of other people’s work and lives … and give yourself time alone with your craft, your skill, your family’s homeschool.

Take that time for just you and your writing. Your painting. Your THING. Let yourself and your kids simmer in those things. Take a true break.

Shut everything out and measure yourself against … yourself.

And then see how you feel afterward.

Right now you want to quit.

And maybe you should. There might be some legitimacy to that feeling you have.

But ask yourself, be honest, WHY do you want to quit? WHAT is telling you to stop?

Once upon a time you loved this.

Once upon a time it was a perfect fit.

Perhaps that has changed.

Or, perhaps what has changed is that you’re spending too much time watching and viewing and not enough time actually enjoying and doing.

Or you’re doing, but you feel like the entire world is looking over your shoulder, judging and trolling. Don’t forget you’ve got some control there. You can turn it off.

Apples and oranges

I think we also need to be careful not to compare our oranges to someone else’s apples: don’t compare someone else’s photography talent with your ability to homeschool in real life. These are two different things.  Yes, a person can be great at both, but it’s not fair or accurate to judge those separate skill sets against each other.

For example, my husband is a fantastic cook. I’ve been happily eating meals he makes for almost half of my life. However, a food photographer he is not. He just isn’t very skilled at capturing the beauty and deliciousness of the plates of food he makes. It wouldn’t be fair, or accurate, to call him a poor cook based on his photography skills.

Don’t measure your success this way, friends. It isn’t accurate.

Everyone else isn’t doing it all. I promise.

Unplug. Step back. Focus just on creating and learning. The internet will still be there when you’re ready to come back.

In the meantime:

Live!

Learn!

Do!

Be!

Because I have a hunch that maybe part of what is going on here is just good old self doubt. And self doubt is really hard to be rational about when you’re faced with dozens and dozens of images and words and messages of EVERYONE DOING EVERYTHING.

And you know everyone isn’t doing everything, right? 

It just looks that way because the internet is one big collective voice highlight reel. 

Maybe you’ll still need to quit, to let this particular chapter of life go. That’s okay. You know your life and your family better than anyone else. And in the internet free quiet you’ll be able to hear your inner voice better when and if you make changes.

You’ll be able to make the decision from a clear, comparison free place.

Maybe once you’ve cleared out some of that digital clutter, what you’ll find in those free spaces is exactly what you need to keep going.

What works for you when you’re overcome with homeschool envy? Let us know in the comments!

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Originally published on June 18, 2019

Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool and Introverted Moms,
yet again with the permission of my angry child

Five years ago, I wrote a post called Homeschooling an Angry Child as part of our blog series, The Hardest Part of My Homeschool Year.

{If you’ve never read it, it will give more context to this one.}

I had no idea what the response would be.

I knew I felt compelled to write about my experience. Sharing truthfully the highs and lows of the homeschooling journey has always been a priority to me in this space.

Would you rather listen to this post?

And yet, I also carried hidden shame and guilt over what we were going through, some dark corner inside me believing it must be at least partially my fault.

But I typed out my scary truths, attempting to do so in a way that both honored my child’s privacy and my own reality. And then I was blown away.

I genuinely had no idea that so many others struggled with a similar situation.

No idea that the post would become one of the top ten visited in the history of this site, generating the most reader comments of any post, both here and on social media.

I felt less alone afterwards, and what a gift to know that many of you did as well.

That post has also been the top one that readers have requested an update to in the years since I wrote it, asking, “How is your child doing now, and how have you navigated the situation since?”

My child who struggles with anger was a tween when I wrote the first post, and is well into life as a teenager now.

Here’s what the road we’ve traveled has been like, and what has helped us the most in the past five years.

Homeschooling an angry child: What has helped us most

1. Getting a brain map (qEEG) done

A couple of years ago we paid to have a qEEG done on my child’s brain. The results marked an incredible turning point.

We left with two big takeaways:

a – This was not my fault

b – This was not my child’s fault

At one point the professional analyzing the results even told me, “If you were not homeschooling this child, I have no doubt that what you’re struggling with now pales in comparison to the type of response you would be seeing. The fact that this child is doing as well as they are, given what I’m seeing in their brain, is a testament to the atmosphere you have created in your home.”

Friends, I can’t tell you the weight that fell from my shoulders that day.

Beyond that, my husband Steve and I walked out of the room having a lot more compassion for our child. This was not “a bad kid,” not a child who “just needs more discipline,” like we’d wondered or had even been told through the years.

This was a child doing the best they could, in spite of certain wiring patterns that existed due to past trauma.

Even though the Neurofeedback treatment that often follows a qEEG evaluation ended up not being the right solution for our child, I still consider the money for the brain map itself as some of the best we’ve ever spent.

2.  Creating a fictional at-home character

I feel silly even mentioning this, yet my child points to it as one of the things that has helped them most. Like many creative solutions, it was borne out of necessity and frustration!

One day a couple of years ago, while in the midst of a reading lesson with this child, I began pretending that they were the parent and I was their child.

It helped us get through that one lesson, and brought a smile to our faces as they practiced reading a story to me.

Soon we had named this fictional daughter that I had created, and she began making appearances at other times, too. Like in situations when this child was on the brink of misbehaving, “Oh! I thought you taught me that we shouldn’t act that way…”

This shot a tiny strand of humor into what could otherwise become a volatile situation, somehow helping my child regain their equilibrium.

It’s not uncommon these days for this child to put an arm around me and say, “My daughter…” It’s become an endearing aspect of our relationship, as crazy as it sounds.

3. Maturity

Time never allows anything to go unchanged forever, and although in certain seasons it has felt like progress has been slower than a snail’s pace…maturity has done a work in my child’s heart and mind.

As we continue to follow the suggestions I mentioned in my first post, including choosing our battles wisely, we have seen growth that over time has blessedly made a difference.

Maturity does its work, even in the most extreme cases, and my child has been no exception, in spite of the fact that we now have an influx of adolescent hormones to contend with.

If you’re homeschooling an angry child, too:

I asked my child what advice they would give to parents helping children through a similar situation, and this is what they shared:

Give your child lots of love, attention, and support. Pray for them and be firm and loving, like my mom did with me. That works after a while.

My child also offered this prayer for those of you going through this same struggle:

Lord Jesus, help this child get more control over their anger, so they can have good relationships. I pray that their mother will know what to do and that she will have patience, which will help the child become calmer. Amen.

Are you homeschooling an angry child, too? What has helped you hold on to hope over the years?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

I am going to guess that this year has not been exactly what you expected, that it might not be your definition of a “simple homeschool.”

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you have a crystal ball, knew just what to expect, and are patiently waiting for the rest of us to catch up. But I’m guessing not.

I’m guessing you’ve had a million things to process and tons of extra decisions to make, on top of all the usual everyday stuff like figuring out what’s for breakfast and vacuuming the cat hair and teaching your kids table manners and times tables. That’s what I’m guessing.

It’s a lot.

The world is on fire, and we’re trying to keep on top of all that while also helping our kids to understand what’s going on, do their chores, have healthy sibling relationships, and master Algebra II.

Where do we even start?

When it all starts to feel like too much, this is what I want you to know:

You can do this.

This year will not look like any other year you’ve had yet, whether this is your first year homeschooling or your millionth year homeschooling.

But just like every other year, you will do what you can right where you are, you will make the best choices you can, and your will give yourself (and everyone else) grace when things fall through the cracks.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, worn out, or uncertain, you’re not the only one.

Here’s what helps me when everything starts to feel like it’s just too much:

1. Slow down.

You can do hard things, whether the hard thing is staying informed and engaged, or making difficult choices, or explaining why the square of a hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the sides. (I don’t know why it is, it just is.)

But you don’t need to do them all at once, and you don’t need to do them all immediately.

When there’s a lot to process, your mind and body and spirit need time to take it all in. Let yourself (and your kids) move more slowly, even if that means getting through fewer things. You’re still moving forward, and it’s still okay.

2. Don’t stay stuck feeling overwhelmed.

Life can be overwhelming, it’s true. But if we let ourselves get stuck in the overwhelm, we won’t ever make the changes we need to make, in our lives and in the world.

When I find myself feeling overwhelmed and knowing something needs to change, I follow the same process every time.

That process is longer than a blog post, so I put the whole thing together for you in The Get Out of Overwhelm Survival Kit. It’s a combination of paying attention to the right things and asking the right questions. You can get yours free here.

3. Do one thing.

On days when everything feels like too much, choose one thing to do.

Choose one thing that you can point to, and say: I did this. This is what I’m proud of today. This is the good I brought into the world. I can’t address everything today, but I did do this.

What one thing could you do? Read a book aloud to your kids. Call a friend. Write a letter. Take a shower. Go for a run. Make a donation. Tell someone how you’re feeling.

You decide. What would you feel good about having done? Do that, and let it be enough for today.

4. Take care of your well-being.

What’s most important for your well-being? Make a plan for that to happen.

Plan it into your days, whether we’re talking about a green smoothie or a nap or a time of prayer or a news sabbatical or a break from social media or a long walk or therapy.

Make it a priority, make it a plan, and hold firm about this one.

I bet you already pay attention to what your kids need, and plan for their well-being. That’s great. Don’t skip that.

But you are also part of your family. You’re part of the whole. Which means your whole family isn’t at its best unless your well-being is being taken care of.

This year is a lot.

There’s a lot going on, in our world and in our homes and in ourselves. But you can do this. You ARE doing this.

You’re doing a great job. Keep going.

What helps you when everything feels like too much?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Written by our newest contributor – Colleen Kessler of Raising Lifelong Learners
(Welcome, Colleen!)

“But what if the sun explodes while we’re still living? It’s old, and stars eventually die a fiery death, taking everything in their path along with them. That means the Earth — and us — will die a painful, fiery death, too.” She was staring up at me, tears welling in her eyes, lips trembling.

This was not the time to sit her down and explain the unlikelihood of the sun exploding in her lifetime.

My girl is super-sweet, highly empathetic, imaginative, very precocious, and struggles with generalized anxiety disorder with a dash of existentialism thrown in for good measure. She has BIG worries, and minimalizing those fears in the moment would be akin to throwing a pail of water on a wildfire — it would help me feel like I’m doing something, but it wouldn’t do a darn thing to actually help in the long run.

Would you prefer to listen to this post?

Anxiety is a sneaky thing, friends.

Big worries hit at unexpected times. They kill off the happy in an otherwise beautiful day. They sabotage the fun of a field trip.

They hurt a mama’s heart.

My sweet girl isn’t the only one in the family who struggles with anxiety. She comes by it honestly — I’ve struggled off and on my whole life. Her big sister is plagued with debilitating perfectionism. And, big brother — an almost 17yo — still can’t fall asleep if he’s the last one awake in the house. There are just too many unknown noises.

What does one do to keep the calm in a house filled with anxious intensities?

We have to be smart. Everytime we leave the house we do some prepping before we head to the van. I think about all the things that could happen because, with anxiety, anything can (and will) happen when least prepared for it.

Here are some of the best strategies I’ve learned over the years:

– We talk a lot before we go anywhere. When it’s time to go — to co-op, a field trip, a playdate, a party, or even Grandpa’s house — we talk about what we’re doing, what could go wrong, and what we expect to be great about it. If necessary, we role play a bit. Where would you meet me if you got separated? What could we do if the crowds became overwhelming?

– We pack survival tools. Now, our survival tools might not look like tools at all to the untrained eye. They’re more like tricks to alleviate the weight of worry. Simple games that fit in my purse, books, tiny coloring books, fidgets, snacks, bottles of water, and small toys. We’ve been at museums or parties or other events where things start to go off the rails. Little things become big things in an overexcitable mind, and those sweet brown eyes lock onto mine, widening. And so we tap into the survival tools, find a quiet corner, and play a little while eating a healthy snack and sipping some water.

– We say no as often as we can. White space on the calendar is a beautiful thing. Having space in our weeks gives us — especially those easily overwhelmed — a chance to rest and regroup. Anxiety spikes when we are too busy to hear ourselves think.

– We know each other well. With kiddos who struggle with anxiety, it’s important to know them. Observe and note what triggers their anxiety. How does it manifest? One of my kids gets angry, while another retreats. Know how each shows their worries so that you can help them through it right away.

– We validate all feelings and emotions. Here’s the thing… whether something would make me anxious or not is totally irrelevant if my daughter is melting into a puddly mess at my feet. Her feelings are real. They’re valid. And, that must be acknowledged before we go any further.

When someone is in the midst of an existential crisis (really, though, the sun is not going to explode anytime soon) or an anxiety attack, they need to feel safe and loved.

These strategies help my kiddos — especially my daughter — feel safe.

Do you have an anxious kiddo or struggle with anxiety yourself? What are some of the best strategies you’ve found to help?

If you found this post helpful, sign up here to receive Jamie’s FREE ebook, Secrets of a Successful Homeschool Mom!

Homeschooling with Seasonal Affective Disorder ~
Written by Cait Curley of My Little Poppies

It happens every year, without fail, and I don’t know if it is my age or what, but each year it gets a little bit worse.

And, sometimes, it strikes all of a sudden, out of the blue… er- gray.

The homeschool year starts off okay. Great even! We crack open those new books, open a fresh sheet of notebook paper, and everywhere we look we see pencils with tips and erasers. The future is bright. Eyes are twinkling. We have big plans for the year. We feel collectively enthusiastic. We are all on one team and we are going to rock this year straight out of the park.

And then, after a few weeks, it happens.

Suddenly, the air has a chill. The sky is more gray than blue. Every morning seems a little darker; nightfall creeps closer each afternoon.

And, if you’re like me, motivation plummets.

If you are homeschooling with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), this time of year can be… tricky. 

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that is tied to the change in season. You can read more about the disorder here, but – in a nutshell- SAD is a type of depression that typically presents in the fall and resolves in the spring.

I have struggled with SAD for years, but it is definitely trickier to navigate SAD when you are homeschooling little ones. Every year, I feel that our homeschool is chugging along at a great pace. We are happy and enjoying the journey. And then BAM! everything comes to a screeching halt. We lose steam, we get cranky, we accomplish less… and this homeschool mama feels terrible about it all.

Today, I’d like to share some tips and tricks that have helped me navigate the winter blues over the years. I’ll be sharing strategies to help you feel better, in addition to tricks for helping your homeschool atmosphere feel better.

Photo by Tracey Hocking

But first, an important note…

If your seasonal affective disorder is significantly impairing your daily functioning, and especially if there is a history of depression and anxiety in your family, please seek professional help. Cognitive-behavioral therapy, in combination with other strategies, can work wonders. So, please, listen to your gut. You will be so thankful that you did and by helping yourself, you will be helping your children and family!

How to feel your best when dealing with SAD

Sleep

My first couple of tips will seem obvious, but I know how easy it is to overlook the obvious when you aren’t feeling like yourself. Sleep is so important!

Depression can impact sleep. Some people will struggle with insomnia, while others may sleep too much. As a lifelong insomniac, I sort of hate when people tell me I should get more sleep. I mean, I would if I could! I have found that it is best to go to bed at the same time each night after a calming bedtime routine. (For me, this includes reading before bed. More on that in a second!)

Eat well

I am a bit of a health nut, but I struggle with this one this time of year. It’s almost as if my body wants to hibernate. I crave carbs (helloooo there Cape Cod potato chips!) and I have zero desire to food prep.

The thing is, eating poorly or not eating enough just makes you feel worse. 

My solution? Keep it simple, and rely on your old tried-and-true strategies. For me, this means soup in the crockpot. For you, this might mean a rotisserie chicken and frozen veggies or a meal prep/delivery service. Do what works for you and do not feel guilty about it. You can get fancy in the spring!

I’ve struggled with low vitamin D for years so once the days start to shorten I use a liquid vitamin D every single day and I do notice a difference. I also love love love my liquid vitamins, especially the one for nighttime (afflink) as it helps me relax and fall asleep easier.

Get moving

This is another one of those easier-said-than-done suggestions, but it is one that can make an incredible difference! When I start to feel low, I flip our days. I prioritize our daily hike and make sure it happens in the morning.

Yes, before the books.

This can seem counterintuitive, but trust me- it works. Getting outside, breathing the fresh air, soaking in whatever rays the sun is offering, and connecting with your kiddos can make a world of difference when it comes to everyone’s moods and cooperation.

On the days that we prioritize our morning nature time, we usually accomplish more than those days I opt to sit at home and tackle homeschool must-dos.

Nature

This goes along with the preceding topic, but nature can have a positive impact on mood. There have been oodles of scientific studies on this one!

Meditation

I am really great about daily meditation… until I start to get stressed out or super-busy.

A few weeks ago, when my SAD first rolled into town, I was having a particularly down day. I had just teared up over the phone with my homeschool sister when all of a sudden a notification popped up on my phone. It said something like this:

“Hi, Cait! We haven’t seen you in a while and we miss you!”

It was from Headspace. My favorite meditation app.

The comedy of the moment made my tears turn to laughter. I resolved to complete at least three minutes per day.

Three minutes. It seems like a ridiculously small amount of time, but I promise you that it can make a huge difference.

Consider phototherapy

I get outside daily, but when it comes to SAD, it’s just not enough. I’ve dabbled in phototherapy over the years, but the light we had was super-clunky and in an inconvenient spot.

Last year, my husband bought a new, smaller and more portable phototherapy light.  

I sit in front of it every morning during our Coffee and Books routine. I have felt much better since using it daily!

Inspirational reading

When I am feeling “stuck” in a homeschool rut, I love to pull out a favorite book.

The following books always leave me feeling inspired:

• A Gracious Space by Julie Bogart (Julie has a new book coming out in February and I cannot wait to read it. The sample was amazing!)
• Mitten Strings for God by Katrina Kenison
• Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne
• Teaching From Rest by Sarah Mackenzie

If you’re homeschooling with Seasonal Affective Disorder, pay special attention to your homeschool environment

Whenever my SAD hits, my motivation plummets. We accomplish fewer of those homeschool to-dos and I am left feeling extraordinarily guilty about it all.

I try to remind myself that homeschool has its seasons. For our family, late fall and winter are a time to slow down and to savor the ordinary moments.

When I relax and focus on our connection and our hearts, things eventually come back to normal.

Read, read, read

I truly believe that if you read aloud often, you’re doing just fine. 

Don’t believe me? Well, you don’t have to take my word for it!

Check out these books to see what an impact reading aloud can make on a family:

• The Read-Aloud Family by Sarah Mackenzie
• The Read-Aloud Handbook by Jim Trelease
• Give Your Child the World by Jamie C. Martin

In difficult seasons, pull out a book or listen to an audiobook. Then, snuggle up together and enjoy the moment.

Play more

I am an avid gameschooler and gameschooling is my go-to winter survival strategy. 

So much learning happens when you kick back, relax, and have fun. Plus, you are building those all-important family connections that make for a peaceful homeschool atmosphere!

Don’t know where to begin? Don’t worry! I’ve compiled a list of our favorite gameschooling resources by academic subject!

Nature

I know I said it above, but it bears repeating. Nature also has a positive impact on your children!

If you are interested in reading more on this topic, this is one of my all-time favorite books.

Hygge

Hygge doesn’t have a direct translation into English, but the closest word is probably coziness. We all want our homeschools to feel cozy, don’t we?

Last year, Kara and I chatted about hyggeschooling and – as a result- our family had one of its best winters ever!

So how do you add more hygge to your homeschool day?

Here are some ideas:

• Warm beverages
• Tasty treats (these can be from a box, sweet mama!)
• Twinkle lights
• Good books
• Candles
• Music
• Cozy movie nights
• Aromatherapy

As much as I despise SAD, I am excited to hyggeschool again this winter. In fact, I’ve already added some battery operated candles and twinkle lights to our family room. I cannot tell you how peaceful it feels when those lights come on at night.

Sitting in front of the fire, reading a delicious book, gives me hope that we’ll find our rhythm again soon.

If you are struggling with SAD, I am toasting you with my tea and hoping you find your rhythm soon, too!

Now, it’s your turn. Tell us: Are you homeschooling with Seasonal Affective Disorder, too? Share here!

This post contains affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission from some of the links on this page.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Homeschooling for Mental Health ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool

I was 12-years-old when I first began to starve myself.

I don’t know why exactly. Just that it made me feel in control, and being thin brought positive attention my way. That subconscious choice launched a decades-long struggle with food, eventually morphing into bulimia, depression, anxiety.

Prefer to listen instead?

A deep love for my own kids finally helped me turn the corner in my relationship to food and begin to make peace with it. I spent the first half of my life hating my body, and there’s zero chance I’m going to do so in the second half. I choose to honor each laugh line and wrinkle, celebrate every silver hair I’ve earned.

But I think my struggles back then pale when compared to the load modern day tweens and teens are asked to carry.

I can’t imagine shouldering social media and cyberbullying on top of homework, active shooter drills on top of exams, peer pressure on top of a lack of ownership. Of course it’s not this way for every traditionally-schooled teen, thank God, but it is for many.

Something has been stolen from our kids, and it’s a tragedy.

Homeschooling for Mental Health

Kim John Payne, educator, counselor, and author of the book Simplicity Parenting, often talks about the fact that all kids have quirks. Quirks are normal. However, he goes on to suggest a formula he’s noticed, that “A Quirk + Ongoing, Cumulative Stress = A Disorder.”

The truth of this equation and its results are currently on societal display in record numbers.  

A healthy homeschool, on the other hand, frees adolescents from carrying these extra loads. It gives them back their childhood, gives them back their lives and educations. A loving homeschool is good for kids’ mental health.

It offers margin, time for cultivating passions, a safe space where differences are respected. Kim John Payne often shares another equation with parents and educators: “A Quirk – Ongoing, Cumulative Stress = A Child’s Genius.” Yes!

If you brushed aside every other potential benefit of homeschooling, this is reason enough. I look at my three teens and see plenty of typical issues, but not the deep fears I dealt with at their age.

I see adolescents with struggles to overcome, but not individuals about to crumble under the weight of meaningless societal pressures. I see young people given the chance to thrive by developing strengths instead of being forced to dwell on weaknesses.

And mamas and papas homeschooling kids with mental illness? You are my heroes. You give beyond what I can even begin to comprehend, all for the love of your babes. Some of your children were at one point in the system, and you witnessed firsthand the horrors it brought your family. 

Because how dare we suggest that dealing with bully torments and teenage cliques are necessary “socialization” required to raise whole human beings? That is like saying that being cooked in an oven is necessary in order to know how to heat up a lasagna.

Regular life is full of challenges, and yes, we need challenges. We need to learn how to handle difficult people in the real world. But fake challenges that arise when we put groups of precious kids in a fake environment, strip them of freedom and then ask them to shoulder the emotional fallout is not the real world.

I’m in awe of every reader out there who is, in many ways, taking an extra load onto yourself in order to keep your kids from bearing burdens that children were never meant to carry. And that leads me to the second part of this post.

Because we cannot talk about mental health without talking about our own. 

A healthy homeschool is good for our kids’ mental health and in many ways, it’s also good for ours. We don’t have the morning out-the-door rush or the evening homework rush, both of which lead to stress. We’re not being hounded to join the PTA or sell wrapping paper that nobody wants.

But in other ways, whew, this responsibility is intense. It is easy to feel inadequate, to give in to fears and worries, to wonder if we’re doing it right, to lose sleep over a child’s struggles.

We can never give to our kids what we ourselves lack. May I encourage you to do whatever it takes to model the hard work of protecting your mental health?

We don’t have to be idyllic examples of perfection, not at all. We simply need to be real about our issues and address them. That could mean counseling, medication, nutrition, or exercise. And yes, it could even mean putting your children back into a traditional school.

There is NO one size fits all here. There is simply discovering what’s right for you and yours in this season of life. 

I see you, moms and dads. Your tears and concerns. Your sacrifices. I see, also, your laughter and joy at the lifestyle you’ve chosen. We are beautiful messes, held together by grace, grace that restores.

Your work is valid, urgent, important. It matters—not just for your kids’ academics but for every part of them: body, spirit, and mind.

I’m in awe of you. Keep going. 

Are you also homeschooling for mental health? We’d love to hear your experience!

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

When I was in the sixth grade, I ran for student council president.

One of the requirements was getting up on stage, in front of the entire school, and giving a speech about why you should be elected.

I bombed. For reals.

I couldn’t remember the lines I had prepared. I stuttered and started sweating. I ran off the stage as fast as I could and burst into tears.

It was pretty awful.

But what I remember most about that day is what happened next. I went back to class.

I remember trying to take a math test and the page seemingly swimming before me. I remember not being able to focus on verbal directions and wondering what was wrong with me. I remember my anxiety increasing, not decreasing as the day went on.

I didn’t learn a thing that day at school.

My eleven-year-old son struggles with anxiety more intense than I ever experienced at his age.

While my difficult afternoon in sixth grade ended, and school returned to normal by the next day, my son feels that same anxiety all the time. Moreover, he is struggling to learn with that same level of anxiety every day.

One of the reasons we homeschool is to accommodate his learning needs. But the truth is, I often struggle with my own worries when I consider how best to approach his education.

He can’t just do nothing.

He’s already behind. If I don’t make him do the reading lesson, he will never learn.

I know he has anxiety, but at some point, we have to just do school – right?

Because of my own fears, I often find myself recreating that same afternoon I experienced at eleven years old, for my son.

I know you feel anxious, but we need to get this done.

Try to focus. 

This is just how school works.

I find the outcome is always the same.

He struggles, gets frustrated, makes little to no progress and feels defeated.

I struggle, get frustrated, see little to no progress and feel defeated.

And he retains nothing.

On Homeschooling an Anxious Child

I am finding that the best way to help my son consistently learn, is to acknowledge his anxiety and build education plans around it.

Here’s what has helped us, as my son’s anxiety has become more chronic and intense:

Change to a favorite topic

If I notice that my son is becoming anxious, I quickly wrap up whatever we are working on and then switch to a topic and/or subject I know he loves.

For example, last week, no matter how hands-on and fun I tried to make his reading lesson, he was clearly becoming more and more anxious. Instead of pushing him to finish, I put the word lists away and instead turned on the latest from Around The World Stories.

He visibly relaxed and began to engage again in learning. He even read the resources associated with the story without me asking.

Being willing to shift to a topic he perceives as interesting and “easier” allows him to continue to learn, without increasing his anxiety.

Incorporate mindfulness exercises

This is relatively new for us but is making a difference.

As part of our school day, I walk my son through simple mindfulness exercises. For example, if I notice he seems to be a bit tense, I grab a couple of chairs and place them on our grass outside. We sit and talk about how good the grass feels on our bare feet, we listen to the sounds of the birds chirping and feel the breeze on our faces.

It’s not complicated, but it is effective.

Incorporating mindfulness exercises into our day has made an impact on my son’s overall ability to cope with the stresses of learning, even when he is feeling anxious.

Go outside

More than anything else, just getting outside makes a difference in my son’s level of anxiety. The exact same reading lesson that is causing stress can be taken to a picnic blanket outside, and suddenly it feels doable.

Some days, we leave the lesson entirely and instead focus on nature study.  Other days, a quick trip to the park relaxes my son and then he is able to come back home and complete his assigned learning.

I have found that fresh air, connecting with nature, movement and play are wonderful anxiety medicines.

Tomorrow’s another day

There are times that no matter what we try, the anxiety just feels too overwhelming for my son to really continue with any sort of structured learning. Rather than pushing my own, worry-fueled, “what if he never learns to read” agenda, I am learning to instead focus on my boy’s heart.

On days when the anxiety is just too much, I try to remember that one of the reasons why we homeschool is so that we can accommodate his learning differences in ways that build him up, rather than leaving him defeated.

We can always try again tomorrow.

We have good days. We have tough days. We have days that are a mess of emotions and anxiety. We have days that are light and easy.

No matter what the day or the circumstances, I want my son to feel support and encouragement as he learns – not only in traditional academics but in managing his own chronic worries and fears.

Homeschooling allows us to do just that.

Click here for more of Shawna’s inspirational writing on Simple Homeschool.

Are you homeschooling an anxious child? How do you help your child learn?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!