Homeschooling with Trauma: My Story ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool

Five years ago my inner world began to collapse, and it felt like my outer world might too. It started so innocently. During COVID, when all of our worlds were toppling, my husband decided to start therapy.

When he told me this, it was as much of a surprise as if he had said, “I’ve decided to get plastic surgery.”

In other words, a wildly out-of-the-blue move for my British “Keep calm and carry on” husband. I had never done therapy either, but after six months of observing his process, I decided to try it too.

“Maybe therapy will help me navigate the stress of homeschooling and raising three teens?” I thought.

I had no idea it would first shatter, then painfully rebuild, my entire life and worldview.

Looking back, I can almost laugh at my naivety. Almost, but not quite.

Early on my therapist asked me to share one of my earliest memories. I shared what, to me, had always been a typical and slightly humorous story.

After listening she said, “This is curious and unusual. It’s not the way a typical preschooler would think or behave. It points to something deeper that you may want to explore with a trauma specialist.”

Homeschooling with Trauma: My Story

During the same season in my Introverted Moms book club community, I’d chosen The Powerful Purpose of Introverts by Holley Gerth for us to read and discuss. She had a section in one chapter about “high functioning depression,” a term I’d never heard before.

When I read the characteristics, it floored me to resonate with the majority.

But I couldn’t be depressed! I got out of bed every morning, I homeschooled three kids (two with special needs), I wrote books and blogs and led an online community of women! Sure, sometimes I experienced deep lows in which my entire body ached, I couldn’t sleep, I felt unworthy of existence and like death on the inside, but I held my sh** together!

God, in grace and kindness, brought a truth to the surface that refused to remain buried any longer.

The past five years have been a grief-filled arc of death and resurrection. Of course when you’re in the midst of death, you never know if resurrection awaits.

All the inner parts of myself that had protected me for so long deserved to have their voices and pain finally heard. I thought this phase would never end. It’s impossible to honor those years in a few sentences.

And through it all, I continued my final years of homeschooling, continued writing and leading a team of contributors here at Simple Homeschool and sharing heartfelt content with my online community of introverted moms. But it came at a cost.

At the end of one year I told a friend, “It feels like everything I’ve created this year has wounded me.”

One of my most painful steps of obedience included pausing a book idea. I sobbed through the Zoom call with my agent (ugly cry, ya’ll.) It felt like everything important to me, all I thought I knew, was falling to pieces. Because it was.

I’ve built my online platform around emotional authenticity, so a part of me deeply wanted to share in more detail. But I had no idea how to start.

“Hi I’m Jamie. I may be having a nervous breakdown?”

I had plenty of words; I never would have survived if it hadn’t been for my journals. Yet for the first time in a long time those words were just for me.

I had to rewrite my life story – the most important story I’ve ever written, even if only I ever read it.

When I thought I couldn’t take any more, I glimpsed the tiniest sliver of light underneath a closed and locked door. Very, very slowly, the door began to open.

As I finally processed and cleared away repressed negative emotions, I began to know myself anew. My transformation started on the inside and spread all the way out; I often hear how different I look from those who have known me a long time.

I shine and sparkle with an inner confidence that I thought only others could feel.

To be clear, my pain hasn’t completely vanished. But now I know what it is and why I carry it. I know it isn’t my fault, isn’t anyone’s fault. I know that I am finally safe.

I can feel sad without being swallowed by sadness – can teach my kids how to deal with big emotions because I’ve learned how myself. They aren’t a terrifying threat anymore.

Five years after resonating with Holley Gerth’s characteristics of high functioning depression, I returned to her checklist to discover that I now resonate with zero of them. Zero!

On the eve of my 50th birthday, I wanted to mark my transformation in a concrete way. So I did:

It’s still a challenge to put all this into words. But I had to start somewhere, and it couldn’t be with a post called “5 ways to survive homeschooling with trauma.” No bite-sized bullet points can sum up this process!

This is my story to tell, and I’ve waited to tell it. I want to honor it, and it’s finally time to share.

May it offer a glimmer of hope to those of you in the midst of dark inner or outer circumstances that also feel impossible for words.

Those in the grief and death phase, without any promise of life or resurrection yet.

You’re out there, showing up, attempting to make it through another day. Homeschooling with trauma in the midst of it all.

The only thing you feel sure of is that you’re constantly coming up short.

But when treading water is all you can do, it isn’t failure. It’s courage. It’s survival.

I see you, and I know how much strength it takes just to stay afloat. xo

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Instead of focusing on giving our children a complete education, or a perfect education (neither of which are necessary or possible), let us strive to awaken in them a love of learning. If we can help them to develop an attitude of lifelong learning, we will have done enough.” ~ Suzie Andres, Homeschooling with Gentleness

There’s a homeschooling mom who lives in my head, and she is simply THE best.

She does all the things and does them well. As a result, her kids progress in a straight, forward-moving line. She is organized, unfazed by emotion, doubt, outward circumstance, or moody children.

She is my hero, though I also despise her.

I am not that woman. Oh every once in a while, I come close. The stars align and the inspiration flows…for a few hours, maybe a day or two. But inevitably real life signals to me from the sidelines: “Remember me?!”, and here we go again…back into the realm of imperfections and inadequacies.

Yet incredibly, even then I’m still on track.

When real life comes along with tough times, it’s not THE best I give to my children, but it’s MY best all the same.

Are you crossing a field or climbing a wall?

Photo by Nicholas_T

My friend Lisa Grace Byrne once described this distinction in a way I could beautifully visualize. She explained that in certain seasons of life it’s like we’re walking through a flat, grassy field. We cover a lot of ground that way, making measurable progress one step at a time.

In other seasons, we reach the borders of the field to find a steep, rock wall towering before us. Turning back isn’t an option, and the only way to continue moving forward is to climb–one slow, shaky grip and foothold after another.

It’s still progress, of course, but it looks nothing like the grassy field.

The best we can offer our families in the meadows of life varies drastically to the best we bring when we’re scaling walls.

For the past couple of weeks I’ve been climbing, and I know I’m not the only one.

Your personal best

Photo by Adam Kubalica

God hasn’t called us to be successful, just faithful.” ~ Mother Teresa

Your personal best looks different every day, every hour.

It looks different if you’re facing a chronic health condition or recently had a newborn, if you just started homeschooling and you’re still finding your way, if you have a child with special needs or a teen with an attitude, or if you’re dealing with the loss of someone you love.

We’re not called to give up when things get hard, but we do have to play the cards we’ve been dealt – whatever that looks like in our unique circumstances.

You know inside that what you’re offering really is the best you have to give, however inadequate it may seem. If it is, what else can you do? Why not fall into the arms of grace and rest?

What’s your other choice?

What to remember

When you worry about tomorrow, you are, in effect, saying that today is not worth enjoying. That is not a message I want to send to my children.”
~ Sally Clarkson, Seasons of a Mother’s Heart

In rock wall-climbing seasons, I return to my favorite homeschooling books. I look through where I’ve underlined or written “Wow” in the margins. I feast on truth instead of self-doubt. I’ve scattered a few of those quotes throughout this post, to pay the inspiration forward.

It also helps me to remember, in times like these, that all conscientious parents feel a weight of insecurity and responsibility – no matter where their kids go to school.

One time I wrote out my deepest fears for each of my kid’s educations. Then I wrote out what my fears would likely be if my children were in traditional school. I found it incredibly freeing to realize that doubts and fears would still exist, though the specifics might differ.

Take a moment to remind yourself of all that your personal best, as limited as it is, has already offered to your kids. What are you giving them by homeschooling or by being their parent, that they wouldn’t have without you? 

Perhaps you began homeschooling because of bullying, and now your son is safe from daily torments. Perhaps the classroom was overstimulating for your sensitive daughter, now she’s slowly returning to the happy child you remember.

It doesn’t have to be that dramatic, though. Your personal best also includes your natural strengths, the things you’re so good at you no longer count because they seem “normal.”

But normal for you isn’t normal for everyone – don’t disregard those gifts. Instead build your homeschool around them when you can, letting your best stamp personality across your home:

To become peaceful and happy, you’ve got to figure out what’s true about you. What creates an environment in which you can thrive? How can you work with your own innate strengths and weaknesses so that your homeschool will be happy and humming, even if you never construct a sugar cube pyramid or help your kids put together a single diorama?”
~ Sarah Mackenzie, Teaching from Rest

THE best homeschooling writer (who also lives in my head – it’s so crowded in there at times!!) would offer you these words in a few well-organized bullet points, complete with a lovely, colorful printable that she designed herself.

But MY personal best, today, is to send out these scribbles with a prayer for each person who reads them.

When we really consider it, isn’t that what we need most? Not an expert who knows it all, but someone to walk alongside us, to say “it is hard sometimes, you’re right.”

Someone to encourage us to keep right on climbing.

Come to think of it, isn’t that the type of teacher our kids need, too?

And if that’s the case, miraculously our broken best might just be THE best after all.

Then it dawned on me. It wasn’t the meager five loaves and two fish that fed the crowds, but their offering combined with the blessing of Jesus. And Jesus was telling me to give him my five loaves and two fish, my insignificant efforts, and he would bless them, and the needs of my family would be met.”
~ Holly Pierlot, A Mother’s Rule of Life

Are homeschooled kids weird?
~ Written by Sarah Small

Admit it. Somewhere deep in your heart, you’ve wondered, especially if you’ve ever heard someone say, “I know a homeschooling family at my church. Those kids are weird!”

Prefer to listen instead? Look for Episode 86 of the podcast!

Haven’t we all asked ourselves: Are homeschooled kids weird? Will my kids be weird?

Weird. Normal. We all have our own definitions. You might say, “I don’t want my kids to be ‘normal’ by today’s standards!” And you might also say, “I don’t want my kid to be labeled as a weirdo!”

But here’s the thing:

All kids are weird.

That’s normal. I mean, when I was a kid—in the privacy of my own home—I stuck black olives on all my fingers and ate them off, one by one. That’s weird, right? Of course I didn’t eat black olives at public school, but if I had, I would not have eaten them off my fingers one by one.

I would have known that was weird because some kid would have announced to the entire cafeteria: “THAT GIRL IS EATING OLIVES OFF HER FINGERS LIKE A WEIRDO!” Even those kids that had a secret desire to emulate me would have shriveled and mocked me. I would have been forever known as Olive Girl.

Here’s what’s different about homeschoolers. At my homeschooling co-op, if one kid were eating black olives off his fingers, I can guarantee that the rest of them would be doing it within seconds. Because weird is good. Weird is normal.

I eat black olives like a “normal” person now, although my husband would argue that no “normal” person even eats olives. But you know what? Without any coaching from me, I swear, my youngest son does this.

Because 99.9% of kids (totally made-up statistic) are innately weird, creative, silly, funny, uninhibited, and terribly clever—if they are allowed to be.

I remember distinctly a day when my firstborn son was in kindergarten in public school. He wanted to wear his kilt and sheepskin vest to school. “Sweetie, you can’t wear a kilt to school,” I told him. I hated to tell him why, but I had to.

“You can only wear your kilt at home. Kids don’t wear kilts to school.”

I squashed his weirdness. I had to, for his sake.

Fast forward several years, when this same kid was 13 and had been homeschooled since we pulled him out of public school after first grade. One day we found, stuffed in the back of a closet, a llama-hair poncho that my husband once brought back from South America.

My son was ecstatic! For months he wore that poncho everywhere, including our homeschooling co-op. He also wore John Lennon-type sunglasses and t-shirts with ties.

And yep, I’m sure the kids thought he was weird. But they didn’t care because they were weird, too.

My son has graduated college now. I asked him recently what some of the best aspects about homeschooling were. One of the things he said was this:

“I had the chance to be a quirky, weird, and creative kid without intense ridicule. I was then able to develop that all into socially acceptable quirkiness as a college student.”

“Socially acceptable quirkiness” usually translates to “outside-the-box” thinking. What is one of the top qualities that employers in most fields look for in employees? Innovation and creativity—outside-the-box thinkers.

Childhood weirdos.

Homeschooling allows kids to be weird when it’s okay to be weird.

As your kids get older, chances are they will learn to corral their quirks and develop into creative young adults who refuse to accept mediocrity and challenge the status quo.

I think we need more weirdos in our world.

So ‘fess up. Have you ever wondered it, too: Are homeschooled kids weird? Do you harbor a secret fear that people will think your kids are weird?

* Read more of Sarah’s homeschooling tips and stories from over the years

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Prioritizing mental health in your homeschool this year ~
Written by Kara Anderson, author of More Than Enough

It feels more important than ever to prioritize mental health in our homeschools.

Little quirks we’ve noticed—a child who has trouble falling asleep or feels a bit anxious—can grow if left unchecked. And truthfully, we all have moments where our own stress or worries feel a little bigger than before.

As we step into this new homeschool year, it’s worth remembering that lessons and schedules matter, but so does the emotional well-being of every person in our home.

When we care for our children’s mental health—and our own—we create a learning environment where everyone can truly thrive.

Prioritizing Mental Health in Your Homeschool This Year

Self-care matters (and isn’t selfish!)

My main mental health struggle is anxiety. Looking back now, I can see that I’ve had it since I was a kid. Luckily, I have a counselor and a doctor who I work with to balance my medication and keep me on track with self-care.

In fact, at every appointment, both my doctor and my counselor ask me what I am doing for self-care.

Much more than a trendy term that translates to manicures and face masks, self-care can encompass many physical, emotional and spiritual components to help us stay at our best.

Things like:

• Exercise or movement
• Journaling
• Prayer or meditation
• Eating well
• Staying hydrated
• Making time for hobbies and interests

If you or your kiddos are highly sensitive, it’s helpful to take sensory needs into account, too – it might help to burn candles to eliminate stale smells or try to limit noise as much as possible.

A daily walk might help you reset when recovering from a melt-down (yours or theirs.)

Mostly, self-care is about figuring what you need, and knowing that it’s okay to need it.

And by prioritizing it, we’re teaching our kids that it’s okay to care for ourselves and good to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Plan for it

Something I’ve learned is that when things reach an emotional boiling point, it feels so much better to take an intentional mental health day (or even half-day), than it does to lose your cool and throw in the towel on a random Wednesday.

So when things start to get hard, it can be really helpful to just notice…

Signs to look for in our kids can include crying more often, “whining,” arguing with siblings – these things can feel frustrating and feed into our own anxiety, worry and insecurity. But if we can pull back and see the bigger picture, these behaviors are just the tip of the iceberg.

In my book, More Than Enough, I share about how what we see of an iceberg is just the top percent. The remaining 90 percent is invisible beneath the water:

“That’s how I think of behavior.

Throwing the pencil out of frustration is the part we see.

What we don’t see is fear:

• I don’t understand long division
• My brother gets long division and he’s two years younger than me
• What if I never get this?
• Am I stupid?
• Does Mom think I’m stupid? 

Imagine all those thoughts swirling in you. I would want to throw a pencil too.

I’m not condoning the throwing of sharp implements, of course, I’m just saying that when our kids are struggling, it’s so important not to pile on, and to address the underlying cause, not just the outward behavior.”

And the underlying cause might very well be stress and overwhelm.

Our kids may not be able to vocalize it, but many of them feel it.

And parents do too.

So what can you do when it all feels like too much?

First, you can remember that you are not alone in this.

Second, when your kids are having a hard time emotionally, take off your teacher hat, throw it across the room, and focus on your baby, even if that baby is 16 and taller than you are.

Emotional needs are REAL, which is why you must also focus on your own self-care as a parent.

You can’t help anyone if you are just barely holding on yourself.

So my advice this year is to focus on prioritizing mental health in your homeschool.

In ten years’ time, you’ll look back and know that you made the right decision – one that just might have made all the difference for you and your people.

* Click here to read more of Kara’s inspirational writing on SH.

(And if that means you need extra help, don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor or a counselor. Or, you can also contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 800-950-6264 Monday through Friday from 10 a.m, to 6 p.m., EST or in a crisis, text “NAMI” to 741741 for 24/7, confidential, free crisis counseling.)

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Homeschooling on an Empty Tank ~ 
Written by Amber O’Neal Johnston from Heritage Mom

Having a relaxed family schedule with plenty of time to rest and recharge is one of the many reasons my husband and I wanted to educate our children at home. We try to foster a healthy, balanced, and enriching environment, and for the most part, I think we do that well.

However, amid my efforts to protect the margin and downtime in my kids’ lives, there are seasons when I find myself ever-so-close to homeschooling on an empty tank.

Recently, I attended a talk by a naturalist who shared a fascinating fact: Cheetahs can accelerate from 0 to 60 mph in less than three seconds. However, they can only maintain that speed for short distances before needing to rest.

Her presentation was about animals, but it struck a deep chord with me because it mirrors the reality of homeschooling.

Like cheetahs, we can go full throttle, tackling lessons, extracurriculars, and household responsibilities. But without adequate rest, we, too, face burnout. I wish I didn’t have much experience with exhaustion, but the truth is that I’ve homeschooled on an empty tank more times than I care to admit.

For me, the issue is two-fold. Sometimes, I’m simply not getting enough daily sleep. At other times, I’m in a season of feeling rushed and overcommitted, so I never seem to have time to be still and rest.

Homeschooling on an Empty Tank

When parents begin homeschooling, they often ask me questions about how to teach math and which science curriculum to use. Those questions are important, but I haven’t found sourcing academic resources to be the most challenging issue to tackle in home education. Knowing what to do isn’t nearly as difficult as doing it consistently through the days, weeks, and years.

The key to being consistent has been prioritizing balance in my schedule. I’m perpetually striving to value sleep and rest for myself as I treasure those things for my kids.

Respecting the rhythms of daily sleep and seasonal rest is directly correlated to my emotional and physical health and, therefore, the atmosphere of my home. My husband is fantastic, but our homeschooling days reflect my mood and energy level as our kids take their cues from me. I’m the hub of our home, so it impacts everyone when things are off with me.

One of my most significant issues stems from relishing quiet time. When everyone has gone to bed and the house is dark and peaceful, I should wind down and sleep, but I usually long to do the opposite. I crave those late-night hours.

The uninterrupted time to catch up on things left undone during the day, work on projects, or dig into a good book is often too good to give up. The issue is that staying up late leaves me with a grumpy sleep deficit that’s difficult to overcome.

When I get adequate sleep, I naturally wake up early (before my kids) and start the day feeling fresh. I have plenty of time to prepare for our day, enjoy a cup of tea, and serve a yummy breakfast. My children wake to a pleasant and patient mama, and they effortlessly match my vibe.

This tension between relishing my quiet late nights and needing adequate sleep is ever-present, alongside the risks of overcommitting while wanting to help my community. There are busy seasons when I may be getting enough daily sleep, but the relentless demands of outside commitments I’ve made threaten to topple any balance I’ve worked for.

I haven’t cracked the code to avoiding an empty tank, but I’ve spent time analyzing how and why I end up in cycles of exhaustion. Paying attention to my habits and simply noticing has helped immensely. I’ve learned that good sleep and adequate rest will never fall into my lap.

Those are things that I’ll constantly strive to get and keep, and it’s not easy. For today, I’ve decided that I need quiet late nights as much as I need my sleep, so our school day starts later than ever before.

Ironically, this later schedule has been incredible for my older kids as their natural sleep rhythms align well with the later start times.

Regarding outside commitments, I’ve found it easier to use “not right now” instead of “no” when asked to take on even small efforts. This season, I’m sticking with what I’ve already agreed to do and not replacing those projects as they naturally end.

Is this a perfect plan? Definitely not. It’s messy and haphazard at times, but it’s working.

The move from striving for idealized perfection to embracing realistic work-in-progress strategies has felt like a warm hug, and perhaps it can be the same for you.

(This post contains affiliate links, which means Simple Homeschool receives a small commission from some of the links on this page.)

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your type needs most!

Finding Daily Awe as We Grow Through Difficult Homeschooling Seasons ~
Written by Debbie Douse of An Adventurous Education

I started the year listening to the clinking of glasses as the nurses and doctors welcomed in 2024, sat by the bedside of my stepdad in intensive care. Next to me was my mother, in the latter stages of dementia, understandably spiralling out of control at the prospect of losing her beloved husband.

Our relationship has never been an easy one.

I prayed beside her and clearly remember hearing the words, “Pace yourself my child. This is going to be a long and difficult journey, but I will be with you.”

This has proven to be true. The last few months have been emotionally painful, as I process grief alongside childhood/adulthood trauma and a new cancer diagnosis for my mum. But God has been there every step of the way, directing my steps. It has been a rough old ride, but these times of phenomenal change have also brought huge personal growth.

Elizabeth Gilbert quotes Jim MacLaren as saying, “Suffering without catharsis is wasted pain.” Unfortunately, though, it has taken a toll on my family. The reality of homeschooling is that no matter how hard you try to hide it, whatever you feel, your kids sense deeply.

Set against this backdrop, we’re in the midst of external exam season in our homeschool. Harry is busy perfecting the art of interesting Spanish conversation for his upcoming oral exam. Rosie, on the other hand, sifts through piles of statistics and social theorists’ perspectives to decide what’s required to write a top-mark essay in her sociology exam.

Maintaining their focus amongst all that’s going on is a learning opportunity, but overwhelming nonetheless.

A Different Focus

Although there is vast growth happening in all directions, we also carry this sense of heaviness in our hearts, pressure on our brains and weight on our shoulders. We need to usher in the light. And what better way to do this than finding daily awe.

Dacher Keltner defines awe as “the feeling of being in the presence of something vast that transcends your understanding of the world.” For me, it’s those humbling moments when you encounter a deep sense of appreciation for the enormity, beauty and magic of the universe.

They’re the wow experiences in life: standing atop a mountain looking down at the world beneath your feet; watching a bumblebee gathering nectar from a foxglove; singing Ave Maria alongside congregation members; an emotively written piece of poetry; walking a new route to the shops; a child’s infectious giggle; or simply witnessing the kindness of others.

Snippets of wonder that anchor you in the present moment. I often find that I experience awe when travelling, but it can be found just as easily from home.

Finding daily awe in our lives can bring enormous health benefits, such as calming down our nervous system, quietening negative self-talk, slowing our heart rate, deepening our breathing and releasing the ‘feel good’ hormone oxytocin.

Our Daily Awe

In this difficult homeschooling season, here are three simple ways we’ve incorporated finding daily awe into our lives:

1. A Sensory Writing Exercise

Not wanting to add too much to their already full schedules, we instead did a simple writing exercise, sat outside in our tree bed (an awe-inspiring place). We imagined what awe felt, looked, tasted, smelled or sounded like for each of us. Here’s my daughter Rosie’s:

2. A Book of Awe 

I bought a beautiful book with the sole purpose of sharing our moments of awe, either a written excerpt or a photo that captures a precious moment.

3. Lunchtime and Bedtime Awe Focus

Lunchtime and bedtime are the two points in the day we’re all together.

So they are the perfect time to ask each other the simple questions: What are you planning to do/have you done to find awe today?

There will always be heavy seasons. But focusing on simple flashes of daily awe brings us sharply into the present and takes us out of our own heads, as we appreciate how small a role we play in this vast universe.

Last week, alongside three friends, I walked a 22-mile pilgrimage from the sea to Canterbury Cathedral.

It was closed when we arrived, but as pilgrims we were allowed inside. Just entering that sacred place with its towering ceilings and long history felt awe-inspiring. Then we were given a blessing.

Holding hands with tears falling, the lady held each of our heads in turn as she prayed over us. That to me was pure awe. Life may be hard, but we never stand alone.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your type needs most!

Homeschooling & Chronic Illness ~
Written by Lusi Austin from That Homeschool Life

We didn’t homeschool because of chronic illness. The decision was made to homeschool to support our autistic son’s needs 15 years ago. However as medical diagnoses came our way, homeschooling has become even more valuable to us.

At the start of our homeschool journey, I was in remission from my first auto immune disease diagnosis: a rare bleeding disorder affecting 3 in every 100,000 Australians. I’d had a splenectomy in 2005 after other treatments had failed. Prior to that illness, I’d never been sick in my life.

But all of a sudden, life became complex. There were medications to take, appointments to keep and ongoing paperwork. Then there were complications encountered post-splenectomy as I came to terms with having a very compromised immune system.

I remember reading once you have one auto immune disease, you are more susceptible to another. However I could never have imagined what that would mean for me or our family. Today as it stands, there are 12 auto immune diseases diagnosed between myself and our children (hubs has none).

Mine are ITP (Immune Thrombocytopenia Purpura), Raynaud’s Syndrome, Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, Secondary Sjogren’s Syndrome, Hashimotos Thyroiditis and Fibromyalgia. Between my children the diagnoses are ITP (also in remission now), Raynaud’s Syndrome, Ulcerative Colitis (Pancolitis), Coeliac Disease and Crohn’s and insulin dependent Type 1 Diabetes. Another child shows signs of Raynaud’s and there is a tentative diagnosis recently of psoriasis for one child.

I’m not sharing this for pity or sympathy. We actually love our life and have learned to accept the challenges sent our way (even while still acknowledging that things are very hard!) So why am I sharing this?

I share so you know you’re not alone if you too are struggling with homeschooling and chronic illnesses. I want you to know that it is not only possible to homeschool with illnesses, but that there are amazing benefits to doing so.

The gift of self-pacing

Being able to set the pace of our days, weeks and months has been one beautiful benefit of homeschooling. At the start of each week, we write up a big list on the white board. This has ideas for things we would LIKE to cover during the week.

We know we won’t always get through everything (or sometimes anything!), but we at least have something to aim for.

Sometimes we’ll wake up after our diabetic child has had a hypo (or two!) through the night leaving us more tired than usual. A flare for our child with IBD (inflammatory bowel disease) might mean that we cancel plans out in the community and stay home for the day. We have learned to set our own pace and this has brought us a sense of freedom and agency that has been very liberating.

Some days, we couch-school reading book after book or watching documentaries curdled up with snacks and blankets. It all depends on how we are managing and how we manage our symptoms. But rather than seeing these harder days as failures, we see them for what they are: the chance to connect and regulate.

Homeschooling and Chronic Illness

Sometimes the learning that we can manage is situational. If we are in hospital for a stint, we ‘count’ and record the learning that we are doing as we are there. Let me give you an example.

One of our children had to travel to receive monoclonal chemotherapy treatments. She was incredibly ill and there was no way that we could have tackled bookwork at that stage. So her learning revolved around where we were, what we did and what we saw while we were there.

During 12+ hour infusions, she was using a DVD series to distract herself and pass the time. We often talked about plot, character development and what she was loving about the series.  I took photos of that and I noted down the learning (part of the requirements for me in our State).

We pushed her around in a wheelchair and took note of all the amazing artworks, sculptures and photographs that adorned the hospital. Our rural hospital is small so this was a visual feast for the eyes. Again, I made note of this.

If she read a book, I noted it down. When she couldn’t find a video of what to expect with that treatment, she decided to make one for others. She took small videos and then edited them in an app on my phone.

This fitted in perfectly with technology and her photography elective that she was taking at the time. And by the end of those four weeks, we had an amazing collection of learning experiences.

Care is King

For us, taking care of ourselves means taking a read aloud to a local café. At other times, it looks like each of us staying in bed a little longer in the mornings or going for a walk. Caring for ourselves is another important life lesson and one that we can demonstrate practically to our kids.

Sometimes, caring for ourselves has meant accepting offers of help or outsourcing help when we’ve needed to. On a practical level it can mean pairing things up so we are making the most of our trips. For instance, if we are needing to leave the house to get needle tips for our diabetic child, then we might pair that up with stopping by the library or local art gallery since we are already out.

For anyone else homeschooling with chronic illness, I hope my sharing helps you feel seen and known.  It is my great hope that we are all able to find connection, encouragement and strength for each of our days.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your type needs most!

Am I doing enough in our homeschool?
Written by Shawna Wingert of Different by Design Learning

After ten years of homeschooling, there is one thing I know to be true.

I am most likely to doubt, question and fear my own ability as a homeschool mom in the middle of the night.

Last night was no exception.

Having some trouble getting back to sleep, I began to go through the previous day in my head.

My son’s resistance to writing.

The video we watched on YouTube instead of doing the actual history assignment.

The to-do list left undone at the end of the day.

As I tossed and turned, one familiar question haunted me.

Would you rather listen to this post?

Am I doing enough for these children?

I know I am not alone in asking this, nor is this a new question. Over the past decade, I know I have asked it hundreds, if not thousands of times.

It’s a question that comes up at every homeschool get-together and in every homeschool mom Facebook group.

We carefully ask other moms what they think. We worry they don’t really understand our realities when they tell us we are doing well and it will be okay.

We wonder, when we hear about a new curriculum or book list.

We whisper it to ourselves on the days when things don’t go as planned.

Am I doing enough?

One of the most challenging aspects of being a homeschool mom, for me, is feeling like I never really know how well I am doing.

At all my other jobs, I had a boss. I had performance appraisals. I had a sense of what right looked like and how well I was doing.

Homeschooling gives us none of that.

And yet, the longer I educate my own children, the more I am finding ways to answer this question, when it rears its ugly head.

Am I doing enough in our homeschool?

If you struggle with this same sense of not knowing, I want to encourage you today that you are not alone.

In fact, I have never met a homeschool mom who didn’t wonder, at least sometimes, if her efforts would be enough to successfully educate her children.

When this question creeps up, this is what helps me most.

Stop Asking, “Does this count?”

It is so easy to feel like I am not doing enough in our homeschool when I am concerned about what “counts” as learning and what doesn’t.

For example, it’s easy to feel like my son taking a quiz or completing a worksheet “counts,” because it looks more like the public school model that so many of us grew up in.

But what about the Batman graphic novel he was obsessed with all day, or the Geography Now YouTube video we watched, with its tongue in cheek look at what defines the 50 states? Do these count?

While I am still prone to worry, I have learned that if I am asking if something counts, it usually does.

Learning is an element of almost everything we do, in life and in homeschool. It’s easy to see it when I take a step back and really think about the skills my children are practicing.

The graphic novel allowed him to practice reading and think about story. The video sparked an interesting conversation about northern states and political divides.

I could go on and on, but essentially, instead of asking if something counts as learning, I ask, “What did my children learn from this activity?”

Establish a daily minimum.

This has evolved considerably over the past few years, but it is genuinely making a difference in our homeschool.

At the beginning of the school year, I define what I think are the most important things we need to accomplish everyday (and not just academically). This list of no more than five things becomes my minimum expectation for our days.

Below is my “even if nothing else happens, I will consider this enough” daily list for this year for my youngest son.

1. Audiobook and read to mom
2. Sensory activity or rock climbing
3. CTC Math – one 5 minute lesson
4. Current events discussion
5. One item from weekly list

In addition to our daily plan, I create a weekly list of ideas and activities to add to the above. We only add an item from the weekly list if we are in a good place and able to take on more (which, if I’m honest, is about 50% of the days).

Here is a picture of my plans for last week.

The daily list of requirements helps me start the day with a sense of things being doable from the start, instead of behind before we even get started.

Most important, it feels like enough.

Accept that resistance will come.

It is really, really hard to not take my sons’ resistance to learning personally, especially when I have worked hard to prepare an activity or define our plans for the day. Their resistance often triggers guilt and leads to be me being up in the middle of the night asking if I am doing enough.

But the truth is that resistance and not wanting to do something that is required of us is a part of learning. It is a part of homeschooling.

Accepting this reality helps me feel like what we are accomplishing, even in the midst of some resistance, matters.

Know that it all adds up.

I have to remind myself of this over and over again, but I know it to be true.

After all these years, I can see that all the small decisions, the seemingly unfocused afternoons, the audiobooks listened to in the car, the visits to the zoo, the conversations over the dinner table, the rock climbing lessons and yes, the worksheets and math lessons done on the computer – it all adds up.

It all adds up to a well-rounded and effective education.

It adds up to more than enough.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

3 Reminders To Encourage You During Hardship While Homeschooling  ~
Written by Lusi Austin of That Homeschool Life

Things don’t always go as planned in life. Sometimes it’s easy for us homeschoolers to think that the reason for our hardships must be caused by homeschooling. And sometimes it’s not just us thinking that, but it’s other people saying it to us!

I have chronic illness due to auto immune diseases and someone once tried to tell me that it might have happened because I had homeschooled. Some of my kids struggled with dyslexia. I was told that it might have occurred because they were homeschooled.

Older kiddos with mental health challenges. Again…people said it was probably that way due to homeschooling.

NOPE! In fact, because of homeschooling, my kiddos got help with their dyslexia.

Because of homeschooling, they know how to advocate for their mental health needs. And when they struggle? They know where they can come when it’s all a bit too much.

As for autoimmune diseases? They are linked to a mixture of genetic and environmental factors. As far as the research indicates, they were NOT caused by homeschooling *insert eye roll*.

If things are hard right now, I want to remind you of a couple of things.

3 Reminders During Hardship While Homeschooling

1. You are not alone

Got a rogue teen? Or a child who has strayed from your particular faith persuasion? Someone who has struggled with the law and they were homeschooled?

You’re not alone. Homeschooling does not mean your child will have zero challenges!  It does not mean there is a guarantee at the end of the homeschooling rainbow waiting for you!

Hopefully as a fully grown adult, your homeschooled kiddo will be equipped to make decisions for themselves.  And when they do, they will make mistakes and that is okay! What’s NOT okay is that we look at those kids and blame homeschooling as the reason for their mistakes or struggles.

One of my homeschooling heroes, Sally Clarkson says this about allowing our children to fail:

“Just as a toddler falls when learning to walk, so our children will fall from time to time on the way toward adulthood.” – Different by Sally Clarkson and Nathan Clarkson 

2. Don’t buy into the guilt

At the heart of these comments and thoughts is usually someone trying to be helpful. But these kinds of comments are NOT helpful at all! They often send us on a pathway of guilt and shame.

We start thinking all of the “maybe if I hadn’t….” questions and scenarios. And then self-doubt creeps in. But friend, I want to remind you that ALL human beings struggle.

Adults, teens, children alike – we all go through our ups and downs. Kiddos who have been homeschooled are not an exception to this.

3. We don’t blame traditional schooling

When a teen or adult faces hardship, others don’t blame their ‘traditional’ schooling. Why should homeschooling be then blamed when a homeschooled kiddo is in a similar situation?

Healthy adults raise their children and young people to have agency over their lives. With that freedom comes the chance to make some pretty epic mistakes (some more costly than others). And then the consequences of course that also come with those choices.

What I think we need is to talk about how sometimes, our kiddos stretch towards adulthood and do some pretty dramatic things. Sometimes, we feel alone on this path (because not many people talk about this I guess) but the more people I meet, the more people share their own struggles with me.

When we all share our ups and downs, we dispel our sense of loneliness. Let that make our shame disappear too. If you’re going through hardship while homeschooling, you aren’t the only one.

We are in this together, friends.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your type needs most!

Written by Rachel Wolf of Clean and LuSa Organics

A note from Jamie: Can’t believe it’s been over 10 years ago that this post from Rachel first published…I felt like someone out there might just need to hear this today, too! xo

Lately I’ve been reflecting on how our relationships change when we become parents.

My relationship to my husband, myself, my community, and my friends transformed on account of parenthood.

And I didn’t see that coming.

I thought life with children would be much like life before, just messier.

It wasn’t.

I think I called my friends to apologize for the curveball but – with a screaming baby in my arms – said we might never finish a phone call again.

Then I promptly hung up.

We made it through, of course. (Mostly because my friends soon had children of their own and they started hanging up on me, too.)

The second curveball came when we chose to homeschool.

Somehow I didn’t see that one coming either. But homeschooling (like parenting in general) changes our relationships.

We committed to homeschooling on the day of kindergarten registration.

Living two blocks from a Waldorf school made the decision to keep our kids home more difficult.

With its softly painted walls, song-filled teachers, and baskets of seashells, the school looks like the world I want to live in. (But bigger, and with more kids.)

So we kept stalling on making our decision.

But as we prepared our son for kindergarten I realized that I didn’t want to send him to school. Not even that school.

As we set off to register I blurted, “Let’s stay home. I want to homeschool!”

And we did.

We saw our truth, closed our eyes, and leaped.

Diverging paths

Most of my friends never questioned their trip to kindergarten registration.

They were as thrilled to send their kids to school as I was to keep mine home.

I’m glad that we both found our right answer. There is beauty in our differences.

As their children head to school my friends now contemplate their next career move, preparing for when the youngest heads out the door as well.

They are excited for the next chapter.

And all the while I am here. Firmly rooted with my children, where I’ve spent the last decade.

I can’t imagine it any other way.

Redefining my friendships

Homeschooling – like motherhood – has shaped my life.

Our schedule, my ever-present children, even the book on my nightstand and how and when we socialize. All are touched by this decision.

And because of that I’ve changed the game on my friends once more.

I’m unlikely to accept a social invitation from a friend while her children are at school.

Because this is my time to be present with my kids.

While we gather frequently with other homeschooling families and connect with adults who serve as mentors, I’ve consciously drawn the line at socializing with my non-homeschooling friends during our homeschool week.

Because my kids deserve my focus. It’s the commitment that I’ve made to them. 

In fact, it’s my job.

Seeking understanding

How well do my non-homeschooling friends understand the changes in our friendship in recent years?

Sometimes I wonder if it just feels as though I’ve lost interest in their company.

It seems there are a few things I have not explained.

Perhaps it is time.

An open letter to my non-homeschooling friends

Dear friend,

Let me begin with this: I love you.

I treasure your friendship and look forward to all we will share in the days yet to come.

I want to acknowledge the changes that homeschooling has brought to our friendship.

Homeschooling has shifted my priorities, my interests, my schedule, and indeed my relationships.

When our kids were small I was as eager as you to visit. But lately I’ve rejected most of your invitations to socialize.

Heck, I often don’t even answer the phone. (But you know that already.)

The reason I don’t connect during the week like your other friends do is because I am working.

Working on homeschooling my children.

Even when it doesn’t look like we’re “doing school” we are engaged in learning.

• While we prepare lunch we’re working on fractions and sequencing.
• While we pull weeds we’re studying invertebrates, botany, and soil science.
• After lunch we’ll do some math, spelling, and play games that help us with problem-solving, reading, and cooperation.

Homeschooling is my full-time job. And it requires my focus.

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

But that means that I won’t likely invite you over for coffee while I prepare lunch. And I can’t take a walk with you in the morning while your kids are at school.

Because I’m walking a different path now.

I ask you for your patience and understanding as our friendship shifts once again.

Though our lives look different than each others now, I’m grateful to have you by my side. (However rarely I am able to make that happen in the truest sense.)

The journey I am on is long, challenging, and incredibly rewarding. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

And I’m glad you’re here, cheering me on, and forgiving me for saying no to that coffee date yet again.

How has homeschooling changed your relationships? How do you make time to connect with your friends?

Originally published on September 5, 2012.