Written by Kari Patterson

I still can barely believe it somedays. When I walk in Dutch’s room and see him crowded over a history assignment, all on his own initiative.  Or when he announces, “Mom! I got my whole week’s worth of science work done in one day, again!” or when I hear him tell his sister, “I’ll meet you down at the pond as soon as I finish my history test.”

Who is this?

I feel like I’m watching the metamorphosis of child to man, tinkerer to scholar.

I find myself chuckling, “This is exactly what they said would happen!”

Would you prefer to listen to this post?

At almost 13 (7th grade, by age) our son is officially in the transition-to-scholar phase, as described in the Phases of Learning. No matter what one’s educational philosophy (I feel like I’ve dabbled in them all!), I found the phases so helpful for understanding our children developmentally.

In May of 2017 I was at my wit’s end; I felt like I had become the mom I never wanted to be.

It’s bizarre looking back, it feels like a lifetime ago. We made drastic changes to recover our lost love of learning. We took an entire year to experiment with different books and learning methods. We cut out extra-curriculars and slowed way down.

Most of all, we committed to cultivating character above academics, devoting ourselves to personal discipline in our daily habits instead of educational achievements, and sought to value virtue (kindness, patience, grace) above all.

It was last year, when they started asking for more school, that I thought, “Hmm…maybe this is working!”

So this year, knowing he might be transitioning into scholar phase soon, we asked Dutch if he wanted to begin taking supplementary classes, in the subjects of his choice, in order to challenge himself more. He was all for it.

After much prayer, research, talking to trusted friends, and over-thinking (ha!), we settled on a once-a-week day of classes available for homeschool teens (7th-12th grades).

I honestly had no idea what to expect. Dutch had never been in a classroom setting. He’s quirky. (Did I mention he has Asperger’s?) And this is a drop-off program.

No mama there to make sure he minds his manners or swoop in and save him if no one sits with him at lunch.

Well, he LOVES it. Like, LOVES it. What’s most shocking to me is that I have never, not a single time, reminded him about his homework. He does it! All! On his own!

I’m not the one driving this thing anymore. And it reminds me of what they always said,

“Trust the process.”

Your values and the individual needs of your own children will likely determine your course. Ours goes something like this:

• Teach them from the youngest age to treat you, others, and the world around them with kindness and respect.
• Cultivate their wonder and love of learning.
• Read, read, read, and read some more.
• Require cheerful obedience.
• Teach them to contribute through chores, as part of the family team.
• Save screens for special occasions.
• Focus first and foremost on my own habits, discipline, and attitude.
• Surround them with educational excellence, literary classics, and peers whose parents will reinforce the values you are seeking to instill.

Of course this isn’t a prescription for you, just a description of the process we’re seeking to follow.

But it’s often so hard to trust the process!

It’s hard in those early years, when it feels like everyone else has Little Junior in 18 extra-curricular activities, or when every other four-year-old is going to the Ivy-League prep preschool while yours is making mud pies and picking his nose, or when your nine-year-old still isn’t reading well and you feel that panic rising inside.

I find the same is true in other areas of life. Right now I’m having to patiently trust another process that is incredibly painful. Everything in me wants a short-cut, some way to make this situation just go away. But as a believer in Jesus, I have to trust that He began a good work in me and He will carry it all the way to completion.

I’m a work in progress, to be sure, and it doesn’t always look pretty, but I have to trust the process.

I still have to remind Dutch about some stuff (Are you wearing deodorant?!), but I just wanted to share this little tidbit of encouragement, in case you too are along the journey and wondering, “Is this really going to work?”

Stay the course, dear one! Thoughtfully consider your path, then trust that it will take your children exactly where they need to go.

What “process” have you had to trust? Where have you seen it pay off? What have you learned? 

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Jonathan and I sat at our local Panera Bread, enjoying a mother-son afternoon date. We ordered hot chocolate and played a favorite game to get started. But then he wanted to get down to the real fun he’d been anticipating.

I opened my laptop and we began his online weather course: watching multimedia clips and taking the quizzes involved.

After 45 minutes, guess who was bored? (Me.)

“Jonathan, we’ll stop at 4 o’clock, but we can come back to it another day.”

“Why? Please, can I finish the whole thing?”

What homeschooling mama could say no? Not this one!

And the whole experience got me thinking: “How many 11-year-olds beg to study and take quizzes on their Saturday afternoons?”

What I want to stress is this: I haven’t done anything incredible to make this scenario happen. In fact, my son’s progress is more about what I haven’t done.

Steve and I have simply created an inspiring environment and then let it work toward the development of our top educational goal for our 8- to 12-year-olds:

To fall deeply in love with learning.

Soaking up the last warm days by taking our books outdoors!

Why we’ve chosen this path

If you’re familiar with Strengthsfinders, you’ll understand when I say one of my top five strengths is being a LEARNER.

Finding this out about myself a few years ago made so much sense out of my experience in public school. (If you haven’t taken the test you might want to consider it!)

I loved to read and write and desperately wanted to learn. I was one of those kids hiding novels under their desks, secretly questioning why I had to hide them.

My experience of having a deep love of learning and of having to work around the system to develop it, has made me passionate about offering my own children the chance to develop their love of learning in freedom.

No hiding novels under desks required.

Love of Learning Phase

If the phases of learning are new to you, here’s a basic overview: 

• Core Phase, ages 0-8
• Love of Learning, ages 8-12
• Transition to Scholar, ages 12-14
• Scholar Phase, ages 14-18
• Depth Phase, ages 18-22

The idea is that a child will naturally move to the next phase if and when they have fully mastered the goals of the previous ones, which is why all the ages listed are approximate guidelines only.

Previously I wrote about our family’s experience with Core Phase learning for ages 0-8. Reading that post first will help you understand this one, since all of us must have a secure core phase foundation for the other phases to follow.

One of our favorite learning games for understanding money

The Love of Learning Curriculum

“During this phase, the skills and tools of learning such as reading, writing, math skills, experimentation, library research, and oral persuasion, that will enable later scholarly habits, are practiced according to the student’s level of interest and desire and a fair level of competence gained.”
~ Leadership Education, Chapter 2

Here’s an overview of the Love of Learning curriculum, as it is described here:

• Example
• Environment
• Opportunities & Projects
• Work, Play, Study
• Field Trips
• The Library
• Inspiring Parent
• Mentors
• Guidance
• The Bookshelf
• Mornings, Afternoons, Evenings
• The Seasons
• Exploring
• Freedom, Fun, Family
• Questions & Discussions

If this curriculum sounds like real life to you, that’s because it is!

Jonathan engrossed in this fabulous edition of a forever classic

Our family’s experience

I remember studying this book years ago, wondering how on earth letting my little kids play most of the time would lead to a desire to learn. But it turns out, it does!

I’ve discovered that ten- and twelve-year-olds, in the right environment, don’t want to be doing the same thing they were doing at ages six and eight. They slowly mature and develop new goals, particularly if they know there’s a mission out there waiting for them.

I have a 12-year-old now in Transition to Scholar Phase, an 11-year-old solidly in Love of Learning, and a ten-year-old still working through Core Phase.

Yet it hasn’t been all flowers and buttercups to get us here.

What we’ve given up:

Following such a different path hasn’t come without sacrifices. The main sacrifice we’ve made is letting go of the typical conveyor belt method of schooling.

We haven’t tried to “keep up” with the system, because we wanted a new system. While this has been freeing in many ways, it’s also required faith and a commitment to homeschooling long-term.

When allowed to develop naturally, children develop unevenly. They may be far ahead compared to grade level peers in one area, far “behind” in another. We’ve needed to step way outside the grade-level box. That’s been downright scary at times.

What we’ve gained:

In our home, we have an environment where learning is celebrated! It’s FAR from perfect, mind you, but that’s the beauty–it doesn’t have to be perfect to work.

I have three children who passionately love learning, who think one of best ways to spend an afternoon is curled up with a book or writing a new story.

Even my youngest, who at age ten is not yet a fluent reader, tells people that his favorite things to do are “playing and reading.” This response tells me that his natural love of learning is still alive and kicking, in spite of the fact that he hasn’t yet mastered the written word. I’m so grateful for that!

What about hard work?

But don’t kids need to learn certain things, like it or not?

We definitely teach our children the importance of hard work, but we do so in areas outside of academics: cleaning and working for the family, baking and cooking, and focusing on character.

One day I came across a quote from a veteran homeschooling mama on a Thomas Jefferson Education forum that put it all together for me:

“Separate learn to work hard and learn to love learning. Let each of those be internalized on their own tracks. Then, in Scholar Phase, the two combine and the kid is ready to work hard at learning.”

For our family, a subscription to Little Passports has been a perfect addition to Love of Learning Phase

Is it really that risky?

The results of the traditional educational system are far from stellar, and they certainly come with plenty of risks involved, too.

Following a new philosophy took tremendous faith and courage in the younger years, but now our family has started to see it working. Having kids who love learning makes a homeschooling parent’s job much easier…because they begin to educate themselves.

This allows me to get on with my own education and mission, all the while modeling the importance of learning alongside them. We live, love, and learn side-by-side, each of us in the way that best matches our phase of life.

And in spite of the challenges, I couldn’t imagine anything else I’d rather be doing.

Learn more about Love of Learning Phase:

• Tjed.org – the official site of A Thomas Jefferson Education
• A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille (The WHY of the method)
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning by Oliver and Rachel DeMille (The HOW)

How does your family seek to instill a love of learning in your children?

This post contains affiliate links, which means I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links.

This post is part of an ongoing series about the educational philosophy Leadership Education (also known as A Thomas Jefferson Education.)

“Core Phase is the basis of a life. A good Core Phase naturally provides the foundation for a good life, a great Core Phase for a great life, and so on.”
~ Oliver and Rachel DeMille, Leadership Education, page 40

Would you rather listen instead?

I stared at the desktop screen late one night, engrossed in a popular homeschooling forum where members could ask for help and receive advice. Someone had asked a question–I don’t even remember what it was–and one of the responses said something like this:

“I recommend you check out A Thomas Jefferson Education.”

It included a link to an overview of the method, which I clicked. Then, as sometimes happens in the midst of epiphanies, I sat up straighter as I began to read. In a flash of insight, I absolutely knew that this was part of what I was looking for in our homeschool.

The method combined the freedom of unschooling with a balance of structure, responsibility, and academic focus–especially in the teen years–that resonated with me.

Though my kids were all young at the time, I ordered every book I could find about it and began to internalize its principles. And it turns out I had plenty of time to focus on my own education–because all my kids were in Core Phase.

What is Core Phase?

Leadership Education divides childhood learning into four phases (head here for a short overview) and Core Phase is the first. It encompasses the initial eight or so years of a child’s life, the most impressionable and foundational time for all that follows.

“Solid inner core” – yes, that’s what we’re after! Image credit: NASA

If we envision the phases of learning as a planet, then core phase would be at the center of it all, each phase that comes later building on top of it. You can imagine, then, the vital importance of it being strong and solidly built.

Without it, nothing that comes after could last or grow.

“The tools for academic learning are present, as are the tools for cooking or making home repairs, and little children use them more in the context of tagging along or playing at the work of adults. There is no adult skill that children are obligated to master at this stage.”
~ Leadership Education, page 42

The curriculum for Core Phase

In core phase the “curriculum” is this:

• right and wrong
• true and false
• good and bad
• relationships
• faith and security
• family identity
• routines and responsibilities
• accountability (learned through the above, not through academics)
• the value and love of work and play

The first time I read this list I loved it. It whispered and confirmed to my soul the most important lessons in life.

You’ll notice that academics don’t appear on the list, and that is a deliberate omission. Parents work hard in Core Phase to create an inspiring atmosphere (following the seven keys of great teaching) that exposes their children to good and beautiful things, including academics. But children are not expected to master any of it until much later.

“When we give in appropriate attention to academic achievement…, it can teach our children that they dislike academics because everything is hard and boring, and/or offer our children an alternative sense of self-worth that is inferior to a genuine and positive self-concept resulting from living according to true values such as faith, good works and accountability.”
~ Leadership Education, page 41

I get emails regularly from worried homeschooling parents of young children under eight, complaining that all their kids want to do is play. But what if, in fact, that is exactly what young children are meant to be doing?

What if play is a child’s work and the inbuilt curiosity that God gave them the inner force they need to one day succeed in this world?

Voices in support of Core Phase:

“The first education should be the harmonious development of the child’s physical, mental and spiritual powers. Providing warm and understanding responses to your children’s ‘hearts’ accomplishes far more than pressuring book knowledge into their minds. ”
~ Raymond and Dorothy Moore, homeschooling pioneers and authors of Better Late Than Early

“…my object is to show that the chief function of the child–his business in the world during the first six or seven years of his life–is to find out all he can, about whatever comes under his notice, by means of his five senses…”
~ Charlotte Mason, 19th century British educator

“Our highest endeavor must be to develop free human beings who are able of themselves to impart purpose and direction to their lives. The need for imagination, a sense of truth, and a feeling of responsibility — these three forces are the very nerve of education.”
~ Rudolf Steiner, founder of Waldorf Education

“Children are, by nature and from birth, very curious about the world around them, and very energetic, resourceful and competent in exploring it, finding out about it, and mastering it. In short, much more eager to learn, and much better at learning than most adults.”
~ John Holt, founder of unschooling

“Education is a natural process carried out by the human individual, and is acquired not by listening to words, but by experiences in the environment.”
~ Maria Montessori, Italian physician and educator

To me, seeing such a wide variety of experts in their fields–philosophers, researchers, doctors, teachers–proclaiming the benefits of Core Phase in their generation is wildly comforting. It reminds me that this idea just makes sense–that actually institutionalized schooling is the latest educational experiment.

If they don’t play now, then when?

We have a crisis going on in our culture. We stop our young children from playing at the season in life when they should. Resentful and bitter–even on a subconscious level–not only does this often create a hate of learning, it also results in adults determined to “play” in other seasons of life where their behavior has more serious repercussions on their families, their children, and society as a whole.

Maybe a major “mid-life crisis”  is nothing more than someone who lacked a secure core foundation as a child. One way or another, we will learn the core phase lessons of good and bad, right and wrong, true and false, but wouldn’t it be best to learn them in a way that doesn’t cause suffering to ourselves and others?

And if that is true, then maybe the best gift we could possibly give our young kids isn’t the earliest reading skills or math drills. Maybe their future happiness and success rests upon the foundation of the pyramid we allow them to build now–through play and work and natural learning in the midst of secure family life.

My experience

We have followed this educational philosophy since that very night when it appeared on my computer screen. Toddlers and preschoolers at the time, my kids have never known any another way. Trishna (10) and Jonathan (9) have now transitioned into the next learning phase. Elijah (8) has one foot still firmly in Core and is dipping his toes into the waters of the upcoming phase as well.

Two of my kids naturally learned to read during their Core Phase with plenty of modeling, discussion, and read-alouds. But there were few formal lessons in any subject to speak of, unless the children asked for them.

These core phase years–that seemed as though they would last forever–are almost entirely behind us. It has been downright scary at times to raise little ones in such a different way to the majority, but it’s also been incredibly freeing.

And for us, it’s been right.

If this intrigues you and you’d like to learn more, check out these resources:

• Tjed.org – the official site of A Thomas Jefferson Education
• A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille (This book explains the WHY of the method)
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning by Oliver and Rachel DeMille (My personal fav, this book explains the HOW)

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

This post is part of an ongoing series
about the educational philosophy Leadership Education
(also known as A Thomas Jefferson Education.)
Find the other posts in the series here.

Last Monday I described for you the process of creating a homeschool compass–a plan your children ages eight and older can use to help direct their own learning with you serving as a mentor and guide.

In that post I walked through the questions I asked my own kids–about skills they’d like to conquer, books they want to read, and even what they feel their mission and purpose on this earth might be.

Today I’d like to explain how we finished off the compasses and how we are actually putting them to use in our day-to-day homeschool life.

What are other kids studying?

After my kids had completed their part of the compass, I needed to get to work myself.

I looked through the corresponding book from the Core Knowledge Series for the grade each of my children would be in, and made a list of the various topics kids in that grade typically study.

Within overarching subjects, I made note of specifics that I thought might be important or might interest a child–so roman numerals or telling time within math–for example. I also jotted down specific curricula or resources we already have that teaches that subject–practical ideas on how we could approach each line item.

Then I sat down with my kids one-on-one and read over the list with them. In Leadership Education, we follow the principle “inspire, not require,” which means we don’t have required academic subjects in our home.

Instead we read through the list, discussed it, and I made note of the items/subjects they said they’d like to learn more about in the next six months.

Afterwards I was left with plenty of work and research to do later on to find resources they need that will both whet and satisfy their appetites for learning.

Now what?

Now that we’ve completed these compasses, what should we do with them? Where do we go from here?

First, I’m thinking about getting in on the action and creating a compass for myself–-then reading it aloud to my kids.

After all, showing rather than telling is one of the most important steps we can take to create an atmosphere of learning in our homes.

Second, I plan to review the compass with the kids about once a month–read through it, remind ourselves of what we’re working on, use it in making library lists, and so on.

Third, I wanted a practical way to make use of this information in our day-to-day homeschool lives.

I took an index card and wrote down the specific resources each child can choose from during their daily lesson with me–this varies depending on their unique compass.

Trishna’s card reads like this:

• Cursive (We use and like this guide.)
• Wacky Words
• Time4Learning
• Life of Fred
• Teaching Textbooks
• Times Tales
• Write a letter to a friend
• Write a story
• Read a book with Mommy
• Read a book TO Mommy
• Start a new chapter book together
• Science experiments
• Green Kid Crafts
• Little Passports
• Baking/cooking lesson

When it’s my one-on-one time with her on a typical learning day, I pass her the card and ask what she’d like to work on. While I tidy the kitchen or make tea she chooses, then I get the necessary supplies and we begin.

I can see more clearly the path ahead of us, and I have a greater handle than ever before about what my kids want to learn and what phase of learning they are currently in. (If you’re not sure what I mean by “phase of learning,” check out this post for an overview.)

Now I will gather all this information and have a head start on making my six month inventory–my own blueprint and to-do list, so to speak, of the academic and character lessons I hope to expose the kids to in the next six months.

I feel good about the direction we’re heading in–because now I know what direction it is!

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

If you’d like to learn more about TJEd/Leadership Education, check out these resources:

• Tjed.org – the official site of A Thomas Jefferson Education
• A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille (This book explains the WHY of the method)
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning by Oliver and Rachel DeMille (My personal fav, this book explains the HOW)

Jamie C. Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool, also blogs about motherhood at Steady Mom

This post is part of an ongoing series
about the educational philosophy Leadership Education
(also known as A Thomas Jefferson Education.)
Find the other posts in the series here.

I brewed inviting mugs of hot tea, explained to the kids our goal for the day, and carried the mugs to our porch where we could enjoy the recent influx of definitive spring-like weather (Hallelujah!).

I was also trying to brew a little inspiration for something we’d never done before–making homeschool compasses. A compass should do what it sounds like–point us in the right direction for our learning as a family.

For years now I’ve regularly created “six month inventories” for our homeschool–plans that form a scaffold for what Steve and I need to do in order to guide and direct our children’s educations.

Every six months (or thereabouts) I carve out quiet, pray for each child, and brainstorm ideas about what he or she needs most at this time.

A compass is similar in some ways–except that the kids have created it themselves! I figured that now–at ages 9, almost 10, and just-turned-11–they would be ready to set some of their own learning goals.

But I was surprised by how deep we went and how much we enjoyed the whole process.

“Each binder should include the student’s past and current compass – a six month list of everything they want to study, learn and do.”
– from Leadership Education The Phases of Learning

If you feel drawn to this concept, it’s important to remember that a compass is not just about academics–it’s about life.

Life skills, hobbies, and personal interests carry as much weight and importance as academics when you discuss with your kids. Don’t shut down their ideas–think of it as a brainstorming session of sorts.

Getting Started

You can download a FREE student compass here from Project Inspire.

Here’s an overview you can use and tweak to create your own homeschool compass. 

I. Strengths

What do I do really well?

I love the idea of starting with strengths–because so often the typical educational system focuses on weaknesses. Why not empower our kids instead by reminding them of their God-given gifts and talents?

Some of my kids’ responses to this question about their strengths:

• running
• compassion
• reading
• singing
• nature study
• writing
• spelling
• riding my bike

What books have I read that have most impacted or inspired me?

Because we read so many classics at home and literature is one of my top passions, I was super-curious about what Trishna’s, Jonathan’s, and Elijah’s answers to this question would be.

Yet my classic-loving-soul chose to not take it personally when one child chose this book–because later they also chose this one (sweet little encourager!).

Other replies:

• Bible
• Little Women series
• Little House series
• Toliver’s Secret
• Life of Fred
• Books about Harriet Tubman
• Just David

II. Areas to work on/strengthen

I was nervous at first about including this category–maybe because I have baggage about being shamed or embarrassed over weaknesses in my own school days.

I decided to give it a try, however, and found that my children didn’t share any of my qualms about it. Remember to think of this category holistically–it includes all of life, not just academics.

Some of the feedback from my kids:

• reading
• sharing
• courage/boldness
• phonics
• spelling
• become more patient
• improve my drawing

III. Goals/Objectives

Books I want to read and study over the next six months

I usually keep a post-it note with books to check out from the library based on the kids’ interests, but it had never occurred to me to ask them about specific titles they might like to prioritize.

Elijah and I actually went down the rows of our home bookshelves and he picked out some he’s heard me or his brother/sister talk about.

A few other answers: (Note that they’re not all heavy reading! =) )

• Bible
• Amelia Bedelia
• Hardy Boys
• Books by Louisa May Alcott
• Shakespeare
• Airplane books
• Poppy (We’re in the middle of this now–so fun/exciting!)
• Castle Diary
• The Secret Garden
• Ronia the Robber’s Daughter

What I want to learn/study in the next six months

Remember again: This doesn’t have to be just academics!

(As you can see from one of my son’s responses below…see if you can guess which one I mean:)

• snakes
• baking
• multiplication tables
• how to cook eggs
• how to make girls fall in love with me =)
• US presidents
• how to make candles
• cooking lessons

What is my mission?

We talk often about mission and purpose in our home, believing that God put each one of us here for a unique and special reason. Yet I had never asked my kids to try and articulate what their mission might be.

What I loved is that as children, they didn’t get hung up about whether or not they were choosing the “ONE…RIGHT…ANSWER.”

Instead they used their imaginations, had fun with the process, recognized their strengths, and played with what that could look like in the future.

Some of their answers even brought tears to this mama’s eyes:

• to free slaves
• to be a good mom who makes books for my children
• to be an author
• to be a happy person who works hard and helps others
• to be a kind, firm, nice father
• to be generous and helpful
• to be a firefighter, lawn worker, nature preserver, litter collector, meteorologist, worship leader (oh, the choices!)

There’s more to share about the creation of our compasses, but it ended up being too long to fit in one post!

I’ll continue next week to discuss the next steps and also the “now what?”–how do you practically make use of this information to guide and direct learning once you have it?

In the meantime, if this post intrigues you and you’d like to learn more about A Thomas Jefferson Education, check out these resources:

• Tjed.org – the official site of A Thomas Jefferson Education
• A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille (This book explains the WHY of the method)
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning by Oliver and Rachel DeMille (My personal fav, this book explains the HOW)

How do you try to include your kids in developing life and learning goals?

What does ‘inspire, not require’ really mean? ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool

Monday mornings at our breakfast table usually start the same way. The kids munch away on their cereal while I kick off a new week by reading aloud our learning manifesto, which hangs in a frame in the same room.

This may sound like a glamorous moment, but I assure you it isn’t. There’s the typical amount of yawning, chewing, and interrupting, but one part of my declaration always seems to grab their attention. The kids’ voices join in as I speak out:

“We learn because we are inspired, not required!”

Inspired, not required. Sounds good, doesn’t it? But what the heck does it mean? And does it really work–if so, how?

What does ‘inspire, not require’ really mean?

Leadership Education

The phrase ‘inspire, not require’ originates from an educational philosophy called Thomas Jefferson Education (also known as Leadership Education). It’s one of the seven keys of great teaching as they define it:

“If the purpose is to train leaders, it’s important not to force the young person through their learning experiences. Force in learning kills the spirit, dampens the passion and destroys the zest and life of learning. Force trains followers, not leaders.”
~ Oliver DeMille, A Thomas Jefferson Education, page 42

Why I choose to inspire, not require

When I initially considered homeschooling, I was in the midst of a healthy dose of chaos from having a four-, three-, and two-year-old in the house.

I spent what felt like long days in survival mode – starting to teach the basics of kindness and character. This took up most of my reserves of time and energy, and I couldn’t stomach the idea of adding another level of “requirements” as well.

This doesn’t mean that life is a big free-for-all in our home. We have certain areas that most definitely are “required” — they fit into the character and responsibility department. We require kindness, manners, and mutual work that blesses the family.

But that worksheet about what sound “SH” makes? Not so much.

What this really looks like: An invitation

Inspire, not require at its core means modeling from Mom and Dad. It means doing and learning the things yourself that you want your children to do and learn.

I recently started brushing up on my math skills, which have languished for quite a few years. I’m reading the NYTimes Bestseller Math Doesn’t Suck (I know, great title) at the dining table, chatting about it with the kids. Jonathan likes to check in the back of the book to see if I’ve gotten the answers correct. This is one of the first steps in my plan to inspire the kids to increase their formal study of math.

Remember how good it feels to be invited to do something? To go to a birthday party, to speak to a group, to write an article, to be asked out on a date?

I like to do the same with my children. I invite them to study, to learn. An invitation makes something a privilege.

In a few months, I’ll be inviting my children over the age of nine to study math with me. When my children reach the age of eight they receive an invitation to begin baking lessons with me.

Before Christmas I invited Trishna, Jonathan, and Elijah to make their own handwriting books. When they complete the entire alphabet, they know I’ll invite them out on a date to celebrate their accomplishment with a hot chocolate and a treat at the local coffee shop.

All three have eagerly been working away – by their own motivation and at their own pace. Just today I overheard one child say, “I love handwriting.” Insert happy mama’s sigh.

Here’s the great part of an invitation–you can turn it down. That’s part of inspire, not require too: letting your children tell you when they’re ready, and when they’re not.

What about core subjects?

Inevitably when I talk about inspire, not require, I hear some version of this statement: “This sounds good for free, discretionary time, but surely I can’t inspire my kids’ reading instruction, math, or writing.”

It’s really true: You can inspire, not require core subjects. Doing so just means you have to be willing to go at a different pace from a traditional classroom. I‘ve noticed that by letting my children choose these things, they have retained an enthusiasm that enables them to catch up to or surpass their peers–when they’re ready.

And that requires me to let go and trust the process. Which can be scary, let me tell ya. It can also be downright breathtakingly beautiful.

What about meeting legal requirements or if I need to put my kids back in school?

It’s true that in some states or countries certain academic requirements must be met. My answer is to meet them (or to move. ;))

But have you taken the time to stop and evaluate those requirements? For example, even if you had to prove formal math study you could accomplish that with a page of math a day, leaving you many hours for inspired learning.

This philosophy works well for our family because, as far as we can foresee, we are committed to homeschooling long-term. We’re not concerned with keeping up with certain standards “just in case.” We have embraced a completely different paradigm of education.

If you think you might need to put your children back in traditional school at some point, you might be interested in research done by Raymond and Dorothy Moore, pioneers in the early homeschooling movement.

After reviewing over 20 studies that compared children who entered traditional school early and those who entered at a later age, Dr. Moore had this to say:

“Comparative studies of early and late school entrants indicate that late school entrants generally excel in achievement, adjustment, leadership in general, social-emotional development and motivation. These studies suggest that children remaining at home until later than average, do better than average. These studies have been made of high, middle, and low socio-economic status youngsters, and measurements have been taken at virtually all grade levels with substantially the same results.”

What if you hate everything I’m saying?

We have found what brings peace and joy to our family and homeschool–and we love it. You should find that, too, and it could be something completely different!

Is what you’re doing adding life and energy to your family? Are your children falling in love with learning? Can you continue this pace long-term? If so, keep doing what you’re doing!

Inspire, not require is an art, not a science. A flow, not a system. We discover it as we move forward in faith and courage, and we recognize it by the spark it ignites in our homes.

What does “inspire, not require” mean to you?

A note from Jamie: I’ve been thinking about this post and its message recently. It originally published on March 21, 2011. Hope you enjoy it!

We live in a distracted world. So do our kids. Information rapidfires at us from multiple directions, faster than we can process it. In fact, it’s impossible to process it all anyway.

When it comes to education, we’re encouraged to focus our efforts on the skills our kids need to learn: how to read, how to write, the five paragraph essay.

Check, check, check.

“Oh no, Stacey can’t read yet?”

“Uh oh, no multiplication tables memorized?”

The foundation of our school system, back when it originated, centered around having children learn these specific skills.

But the world has changed. If we want to send our kids off with the best chance for a full and fruitful life, we must change too.

The transformation we need to make starts in our heads, with the more than 10,000 thoughts trickling through it each day.

Teaching our children to think is the key. Here’s how.

1. Thinking Positively

Our world reeks of negativity, and we’re not always aware of the effects. They come spilling out of us: in our thoughts, our speech, our fears. But we don’t help anyone by joining ranks with the negative.

If we want our children to have the edge they need to live a joyful and productive life, a life that transforms our hurting world, it’s time to think about what we’re thinking about.

Each and every day, as homeschooling families, we add another brick to the construction of our family culture. Do we come to the breakfast table with fears and worries or do we come expecting our children to succeed in whatever path they’re led to in the future?

Through the thoughts and beliefs we nurture we model to our little ones life’s possibilities. We model what we believe they’re capable of.

2. Thinking Critically and Analytically

11 years ago as a college senior, I sat chatting with my English adviser, a mentor I admired and trusted. I nervously told him some of my concerns about graduating with an English degree. I had no plans to teach and wondered if I would ever find a job I loved. He encouraged me.

“Jamie, you’ve been given a gift that many with more “practical” majors haven’t–the chance to learn how to think. Employers in many fields are desperate for this quality–applicants who can think analytically, who can reason and come up with new ideas.”

Looking back over a decade later, I can see how right he was. (Thank you, Dr. Stokes!)

Skills are important, don’t get me wrong. Individuals with many skills make great employees and can get a lot done.

But individuals with many ideas start new endeavors. They make great leaders and visionaries. Don’t discourage your children’s ideas–don’t steal from them their ability to dream.

3. Thinking like a Leader

Leadership is not the ability to be a manager or run a business. It’s the ability to think for one’s self and then take action, thereby creating a life that serves others and makes a difference.

That means each of our children, no matter what their unique personality, has the ability to be a leader.

I first understood this truth when studying the philosophies behind Leadership Education, which states that there are three types of education. The first is the conveyor belt model, which teaches children what to think, so they can graduate and get a job. The second, the professional type of education, seeks to train experts by teaching them when to think. Outside of their narrow realm of expertise, these graduates must rely on other experts.

But leadership education focuses instead on teaching children how to think, so they will be prepared for their unique and personal mission in life–a mission of influence, a mission that changes the world.

Most of us, as homeschooling parents, didn’t grow up with that type of education–at least not from our schooling. If we have it, it’s because we’ve earned it ourselves.

Our souls sense–maybe just a little, or maybe with a desperate urgency–that our kids can have more. That they deserve more. That our world in desperate need means they must have more.

We tremble in our boots at the thought that we could be the ones to offer it to them, the ones to mentor them on their journey. We’re scared, then we’re brave; we dare, then we falter. We take a baby step of purpose, laying those bricks with sweat, tears, and prayer each and every morning.

I don’t know how to teach high school science, my algebra is rusty, and it’s been a while since I bored myself with the five paragraph essay. But here’s what I believe: My children (& yours) have seeds of genius inside them, God covers my many mistakes with amazing, daily grace, and my kids will blaze new life into dusty trails wherever their future leads them.

The foundation for that success, the type of life success that really matters, begins with this key idea:

How we think is more important than what we know.

How do you keep yourself focused on what really matters in homeschooling when it’s so easy to be distracted by your teaching to-do’s?

Back to school time is here for many of us. This time of year always lends itself well to goal-setting and thinking about what we want the next nine months to look like, and what outcomes we’d like to see at the end of them.

I like to use a quick, effective tool to help me plan ahead–the six month inventory.

I first heard of the six month inventory in the book Leadership Education, one of my earliest homeschooling reads (and one that I can’t recommend highly enough). I completed my first inventory this past spring when I attended my annual homeschooling conference.

To create one, I took a small sheet of paper and wrote one of my children’s names at the top. I stopped for a few minutes to consider that child and what he or she most needs from me to learn, love, and grow over the next six months. In brainstorming mode, without overanalyzing, I wrote down all the thoughts and ideas that came to mind. Then I began a new list for the next child until Trishna, Jonathan, and Elijah each had their own.

Here are some of the bulletpoints that made it on the inventory for my kids:

• Riding bike without training wheels
• Needs extra time with Dad in the evenings
• Use of lowercase alphabet in handwriting
• Continued independent reading practice
• Work on writing his name
• Give backrubs each night before bed
• Practice with tracing letters

Notice how the inventory not only includes academics, but also thoughts about other aspects of life. Homeschooling parents know very well that the line between learning and living gets beautifully fuzzy–your goals can and should reflect this.

Oliver and Rachel DeMille, authors of Leadership Education and founders of Thomas Jefferson Education, suggest asking the following questions when creating a six month inventory:

• What are this child’s biggest interests?
• What are his/her greatest fears?
• What are his/her fondest dreams?
• What are his/her top needs in the next six months?
• What should I do to help fulfill those needs?
• What else do I need to know?
• What else should I do?

I also made an inventory for myself–highlighting what I wanted and needed to focus on over the next six months. It included items like learning Italian, praising my children just for who they are, and getting more sleep (every mother’s goal!).

Something magical happens when we get specific and intentional enough to commit goals and thoughts to paper. Within just a couple of weeks of making my lists, I found that some of the objectives had already been accomplished! Six months is the perfect amount of time to plan for–short enough to be concrete, but long enough to allow time for growth.

Taking a six month inventory helps me remember what I can do as a parent and mentor to guide and support my children’s education. Long-term goals sometimes seem fuzzy and abstract; seeing them in black and white makes them more concrete.

As the DeMilles write in their book:

“We are interested in the education of the leaders of the future, and they live in your homes. Your children deserve it–they were born with important, world-shaping and universe-shifting missions.”

What method do you use to keep track of learning goals for yourself and your children?

Written by Jamie Martin, editor of Simple Homeschool and founder of Steady Mom

I wished I hadn’t shown up that day. But God knew better.

The late summer sun spun rainbows through the window of my minivan, as I sat in the parking lot of a church–journal and pen in hand. I had just attended my second homeschooling conference, and was completely freaked out.

Without knowing it, I had registered for a conference on unschooling–a term I had never heard before that day.

I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to hear it again.

What do you mean, children don’t need to be taught? How will they learn otherwise?

So before heading home, I took deep breaths and tried to make sense of this new information. Tried to rationalize it away with ink and words on paper.

If only I could go back and tell myself what I know now.

Baby Step #1: Considering Homeschooling

My journey to homeschooling didn’t begin with a search for an educational philosophy. I didn’t even know there was more than one educational philosophy!

I just assumed that homeschooling meant doing “school” at home – worksheets, lessons, tests, recess, and so on. It didn’t sound that appealing, to be honest. I felt like I’d already served my time in school, and didn’t really want to be sentenced to another term without parole, if you know what I mean.

But something seemed unnatural about sending my kids away for seven hours each day. They still seemed so…little. Surely, as their mama, I knew what was best for them. Or did I?

I felt I owed it to them to research all the school options open to us before sending them on the yellow bus that stops a few doors down. That meant checking out homeschooling, too.

So I read books, talked to homeschooling friends, and spent time online. One day I discovered a radical lady whose educational thoughts began to shape my own.

Baby Step #2: Charlotte Mason

When I first found out about her, Charlotte Mason’s insights on learning seemed so out of the box.

Young kids need short lessons, exposure to a wide variety of subjects, plenty of time in nature, living books, and art and music study? Now this sounded more like the education I would have enjoyed as a kid.

I studied books like A Charlotte Mason Companion and When Children Love to Learn. Being the Type A parent I was, I planned out decades of ideas for future curriculum (My kids were still in preschool by the way!).

Photo by Kevin Hutchinson

Baby Step #3: Leadership Education

Over time, however, I noticed just how much my kids were learning through play and read-alouds. I began to wonder, especially after that nutty conference, if maybe these unschooling folks were on to something?

But no, no, no. I wasn’t that confident…or crazy.

Then one night, I heard on a forum about a philosophy called Thomas Jefferson Education (also known as Leadership Education). Reading the description felt like coming home.

It was less structured than Charlotte Mason, but more structured than unschooling.

The phases of learning were exactly what I was looking for.

Baby Step #4: Interest-Led Learning

For a while, that is. Then one day the magic of the blogosphere led me to Jena (so many of you love her words like I do!).

Her children were almost grown, she was a certified teacher, and she had chosen interest-led learning for her kids (basically a fancy word for, yes, unschooling).

By this time I had figured out that homeschool did not have to look anything like “school” at home. It was a lifestyle, and each baby step took me further and further away from the traditional stereotype I had started with.

Each baby step made me happier and more confident in my homeschooling decision.

Baby Step #5: Discovering Us

Every time I found a new, intriguing educational philosophy, it helped me devise my own.

Few people fit within the confines of one singular type of learning. Through homeschooling, we piece together what we find and love, and create something new. We merge and blend to discover exactly what works for us.

This is a process that we get to be a part of over our entire career in home education. Just like in other parts of life, we find what we need at the exact time when we need it.

If we live with eyes open, that is.

I wish I could go back to my minivan in summer 2008 – wish I could whisper something in the ear of that unsettled Jamie with pen in hand.

“Jamie,” I would tell her. “Everything’s gonna be okay.”

“So lighten up.”

Have you seen your philosophy of education evolve over time? What does it look like in your home today?

When I was first began learning about homeschooling, I stumbled across the book Better Late Than Early by Raymond and Dorothy Moore. The authors’ premise is that delayed formal academics often fit better with the growth and development of children than the current early childhood education movement. As a mother of toddlers at that time, this idea resonated with me.

At the heart of the better late than early concept is the idea that children progress through various phases in their learning. Many educational philosophers over the years, including well-known Jean Piaget, have agreed. The educational philosophy known as Leadership Education (or Thomas Jefferson Education) divides this progression into four specific phases.

Though I wouldn’t define our family as Leadership Education purists (Which homeschooling family can fit within the constraints of one single philosophy?!), I do keep the four phases of learning in mind as they pertain to our homeschooling environment.

1. Core Phase (Ages 0-8)

Photo by woodley wonderworks

The core phase child’s main objectives are to learn the lessons of good and bad, true and false, and right and wrong. He does this by spending the majority of his time at home with the family while learning through play. Contributing to the family through learning chores is also an important goal for a child at this age.

Academics are not yet a part of life for a child in core phase. The Leadership Education parent seeks to surround his child with an inspiring environment–good books, music, and an atmosphere of lifelong learning.

This sets the stage for more formal academics in the future.

2. Love of Learning Phase (Ages 8-12)

Around age eight, a child who has had a strong, solid core phase will naturally evolve, according to Leadership Education ideology, to the next phase–Love of Learning. During love of learning, children begin to pursue learning in ways that begin to look more like formal study, but really they’re still playing.

The parent’s job at this stage is to follow up with the child’s inspiration–and to implement the seven keys of great teaching. Children in the love of learning phase are still free to follow their own interests without forced study requirements–therefore they study what excites them.

3. Scholar Phase (Ages 12-16)

Photo by Vancouver Film School

A child who has been raised in a leadership education home until the age of twelve will naturally transition to more scholarly pursuits, eventually having the inner motivation to study eight to twelve hours a day (Um, hello, sign me up for that!).

Parents should lighten the scholar’s other home responsibilities when possible to allow as much time for study as the student needs. The majority of topics studied will still be those of interest to the student, but there will also come a point where they seek to fill in any educational gaps in order to proceed to the final educational phase.

4. Depth Phase (Ages 16-22)

During depth phase the student begins to be mentored extensively by someone other than the parent/teacher. She begins to want to go deeper into a particular area of study and is discovering a sense of personal mission, coming up with ideas for her future.

The bulk of depth phase typically takes place in a college/university setting.

Schooling along with the phases makes a mom’s job easier in many ways. As we keep in mind our children’s maturity levels and natural tendencies to learn, we reduce stress in our home and set everyone up for more educational success.

Further Reading

• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning
• A Thomas Jefferson Education: Teaching a Generation of Leaders for the Twenty-First Century
• Thomas Jefferson Education official site

Does it make sense to you that children progress through a variety of learning phases? Why or why not?