Prioritizing mental health in your homeschool this year ~
Written by Kara Anderson, author of More Than Enough

It feels more important than ever to prioritize mental health in our homeschools.

Little quirks we’ve noticed—a child who has trouble falling asleep or feels a bit anxious—can grow if left unchecked. And truthfully, we all have moments where our own stress or worries feel a little bigger than before.

As we step into this new homeschool year, it’s worth remembering that lessons and schedules matter, but so does the emotional well-being of every person in our home.

When we care for our children’s mental health—and our own—we create a learning environment where everyone can truly thrive.

Prioritizing Mental Health in Your Homeschool This Year

Self-care matters (and isn’t selfish!)

My main mental health struggle is anxiety. Looking back now, I can see that I’ve had it since I was a kid. Luckily, I have a counselor and a doctor who I work with to balance my medication and keep me on track with self-care.

In fact, at every appointment, both my doctor and my counselor ask me what I am doing for self-care.

Much more than a trendy term that translates to manicures and face masks, self-care can encompass many physical, emotional and spiritual components to help us stay at our best.

Things like:

• Exercise or movement
• Journaling
• Prayer or meditation
• Eating well
• Staying hydrated
• Making time for hobbies and interests

If you or your kiddos are highly sensitive, it’s helpful to take sensory needs into account, too – it might help to burn candles to eliminate stale smells or try to limit noise as much as possible.

A daily walk might help you reset when recovering from a melt-down (yours or theirs.)

Mostly, self-care is about figuring what you need, and knowing that it’s okay to need it.

And by prioritizing it, we’re teaching our kids that it’s okay to care for ourselves and good to learn healthy coping mechanisms.

Plan for it

Something I’ve learned is that when things reach an emotional boiling point, it feels so much better to take an intentional mental health day (or even half-day), than it does to lose your cool and throw in the towel on a random Wednesday.

So when things start to get hard, it can be really helpful to just notice…

Signs to look for in our kids can include crying more often, “whining,” arguing with siblings – these things can feel frustrating and feed into our own anxiety, worry and insecurity. But if we can pull back and see the bigger picture, these behaviors are just the tip of the iceberg.

In my book, More Than Enough, I share about how what we see of an iceberg is just the top percent. The remaining 90 percent is invisible beneath the water:

“That’s how I think of behavior.

Throwing the pencil out of frustration is the part we see.

What we don’t see is fear:

• I don’t understand long division
• My brother gets long division and he’s two years younger than me
• What if I never get this?
• Am I stupid?
• Does Mom think I’m stupid? 

Imagine all those thoughts swirling in you. I would want to throw a pencil too.

I’m not condoning the throwing of sharp implements, of course, I’m just saying that when our kids are struggling, it’s so important not to pile on, and to address the underlying cause, not just the outward behavior.”

And the underlying cause might very well be stress and overwhelm.

Our kids may not be able to vocalize it, but many of them feel it.

And parents do too.

So what can you do when it all feels like too much?

First, you can remember that you are not alone in this.

Second, when your kids are having a hard time emotionally, take off your teacher hat, throw it across the room, and focus on your baby, even if that baby is 16 and taller than you are.

Emotional needs are REAL, which is why you must also focus on your own self-care as a parent.

You can’t help anyone if you are just barely holding on yourself.

So my advice this year is to focus on prioritizing mental health in your homeschool.

In ten years’ time, you’ll look back and know that you made the right decision – one that just might have made all the difference for you and your people.

* Click here to read more of Kara’s inspirational writing on SH.

(And if that means you need extra help, don’t be afraid to reach out to your doctor or a counselor. Or, you can also contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness Helpline at 800-950-6264 Monday through Friday from 10 a.m, to 6 p.m., EST or in a crisis, text “NAMI” to 741741 for 24/7, confidential, free crisis counseling.)

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Homeschooling for Mental Health ~
Written by Jamie C. Martin of Simple Homeschool

I was 12-years-old when I first began to starve myself.

I don’t know why exactly. Just that it made me feel in control, and being thin brought positive attention my way. That subconscious choice launched a decades-long struggle with food, eventually morphing into bulimia, depression, anxiety.

Prefer to listen instead?

A deep love for my own kids finally helped me turn the corner in my relationship to food and begin to make peace with it. I spent the first half of my life hating my body, and there’s zero chance I’m going to do so in the second half. I choose to honor each laugh line and wrinkle, celebrate every silver hair I’ve earned.

But I think my struggles back then pale when compared to the load modern day tweens and teens are asked to carry.

I can’t imagine shouldering social media and cyberbullying on top of homework, active shooter drills on top of exams, peer pressure on top of a lack of ownership. Of course it’s not this way for every traditionally-schooled teen, thank God, but it is for many.

Something has been stolen from our kids, and it’s a tragedy.

Homeschooling for Mental Health

Kim John Payne, educator, counselor, and author of the book Simplicity Parenting, often talks about the fact that all kids have quirks. Quirks are normal. However, he goes on to suggest a formula he’s noticed, that “A Quirk + Ongoing, Cumulative Stress = A Disorder.”

The truth of this equation and its results are currently on societal display in record numbers.  

A healthy homeschool, on the other hand, frees adolescents from carrying these extra loads. It gives them back their childhood, gives them back their lives and educations. A loving homeschool is good for kids’ mental health.

It offers margin, time for cultivating passions, a safe space where differences are respected. Kim John Payne often shares another equation with parents and educators: “A Quirk – Ongoing, Cumulative Stress = A Child’s Genius.” Yes!

If you brushed aside every other potential benefit of homeschooling, this is reason enough. I look at my three teens and see plenty of typical issues, but not the deep fears I dealt with at their age.

I see adolescents with struggles to overcome, but not individuals about to crumble under the weight of meaningless societal pressures. I see young people given the chance to thrive by developing strengths instead of being forced to dwell on weaknesses.

And mamas and papas homeschooling kids with mental illness? You are my heroes. You give beyond what I can even begin to comprehend, all for the love of your babes. Some of your children were at one point in the system, and you witnessed firsthand the horrors it brought your family. 

Because how dare we suggest that dealing with bully torments and teenage cliques are necessary “socialization” required to raise whole human beings? That is like saying that being cooked in an oven is necessary in order to know how to heat up a lasagna.

Regular life is full of challenges, and yes, we need challenges. We need to learn how to handle difficult people in the real world. But fake challenges that arise when we put groups of precious kids in a fake environment, strip them of freedom and then ask them to shoulder the emotional fallout is not the real world.

I’m in awe of every reader out there who is, in many ways, taking an extra load onto yourself in order to keep your kids from bearing burdens that children were never meant to carry. And that leads me to the second part of this post.

Because we cannot talk about mental health without talking about our own. 

A healthy homeschool is good for our kids’ mental health and in many ways, it’s also good for ours. We don’t have the morning out-the-door rush or the evening homework rush, both of which lead to stress. We’re not being hounded to join the PTA or sell wrapping paper that nobody wants.

But in other ways, whew, this responsibility is intense. It is easy to feel inadequate, to give in to fears and worries, to wonder if we’re doing it right, to lose sleep over a child’s struggles.

We can never give to our kids what we ourselves lack. May I encourage you to do whatever it takes to model the hard work of protecting your mental health?

We don’t have to be idyllic examples of perfection, not at all. We simply need to be real about our issues and address them. That could mean counseling, medication, nutrition, or exercise. And yes, it could even mean putting your children back into a traditional school.

There is NO one size fits all here. There is simply discovering what’s right for you and yours in this season of life. 

I see you, moms and dads. Your tears and concerns. Your sacrifices. I see, also, your laughter and joy at the lifestyle you’ve chosen. We are beautiful messes, held together by grace, grace that restores.

Your work is valid, urgent, important. It matters—not just for your kids’ academics but for every part of them: body, spirit, and mind.

I’m in awe of you. Keep going. 

Are you also homeschooling for mental health? We’d love to hear your experience!

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

If you’re the parent of a teen or tween, you know that those can be some emotionally difficult years. If you’re not there yet, hold on! Get ready for a ride on a wild emotional roller coaster.

Don’t misunderstand. Teens get a bad rap when it comes to attitudes and teen angst. I happen to think most teens are really amazing people. However, with hormones run amok and young people beginning to face more grown-up situations, emotions run high through these years.

I am thankful for the opportunity to homeschool my teens – not because I want to shelter them and not because I wouldn’t be similarly involved in their lives if they went to a traditional school. Rather, it’s because I so appreciate the extra time I have with my teens to come alongside them in these emotionally-charged years.

Today I want to share some tips for helping your teens through emotionally difficult situations – tips that are universal, no matter where your kids attend school.

Validate their feelings.

If we’re not careful, we can fall into the trap of failing to see the significance of the problems our kids face. They may seem insignificant in light of things like paying the mortgage, dealing with the uncertainty of a sick and aging parent, or disputing a claim with the insurance company.

But think back to your teen years. The things you dealt with back then may seem inconsequential now, but they didn’t at the time. As a matter of fact, the things you’re facing now may seem trivial to another adult in light of their current trials – but they certainly aren’t to you.

The hurts, disappointments, and uncertainties that your teen is facing are just as important to her at this stage in her life as your current trials are to you.

Let your teen know that you understand the significance of what he’s dealing with. Sometimes I assure my teens that while whatever they’re facing right now won’t matter in 10 years (based on my own experiences even with trials I was facing as an adult 10 years ago), I know it’s important to them right now.

Other times, I’ve admitted that this hurt or trial may still be a painful memory 10 years from now. Either way, our teens need to know that we recognize what they’re facing is a big deal in their lives.

Try to rein in the mama bear.

Sometimes our first instinct is to rush in, guns blazing (metaphorically speaking), and let the offending party feel the full weight of our wrath because, y’all, teenagers can be mean to each other. And, if it’s an adult causing the problem? Oh, my word. We’re talking crazy-eyed mama bear.

There may be times when you do need to step in and talk to someone – in a calm, rational manner. But most of the time, it’s best to back off. Teens tend to be an emotional bunch. Sometimes, your teen will realize that she was the one blowing the situation out of proportion and it will right itself.

Other times, the best course of action is to advise your teen and let him work through the situation on his own. Learning to meet conflicts head-on, calmly and rationally, is a skill that will be useful throughout his adult life.

Offer your teen some perspective.

Our teens often forget that we were teenagers once. A lot has changed since then, but most of the basic relational issues our kids face have not. I recently had nearly identical conversations with both my 21-year-old and my 15-year-old about situations that each of them was facing.

I’m going to be vague to protect their privacy, but in both cases, I referenced an experience shared by my best friend from high school and me. One daughter was in the position I was in back then, and the other was in my best friend’s place.

I was able to offer both of them some perspective from my own life looking back to how I wish things had been handled. I was so pleased that both of my girls were able to learn from my 20/20 hindsight perspective and apply it to their own situations for a positive outcome.

Allow time for emotional healing.

Recently, my 15-year-old dealt with one of those relational issues that will probably still be a painful memory 10 years from now. It was hard to rein in mama bear, y’all. I hurt for her, and there was nothing I could do.

When I was in high school, a friend’s mom used to allow her up to three days each school year as a mental health break. When she needed a chance to regroup, she could stay home from school as long as she wasn’t missing something important, such as a test or project.

I realized that my girl’s mind was not going to be on school and she just needed some time to sift through her feelings. So, I gave her the day off. My instincts were confirmed when a sweet friend (it may or may not have been Jamie Martin) messaged me to share an idea from the book, Simplicity Parenting.

She told me,

“The author talks about how when our kids have a fever, parents tend to keep them home from school, cancel their plans, rest, and allow for healing. Then he coins the term ‘soul fever’ and suggests that when our kids’ souls are hurting and in pain, isn’t it just as appropriate to pause ‘regular’ life for a bit to allow for the pain to heal? To nurture the soul guilt-free just as we would the body?”

I think it’s important that we, as parents, recognize that there is a time to say, “Suck it up, buttercup” and a time to pause and allow pain to heal – and to learn to differentiate the two. We want to raise strong, resilient kids and sometimes that means allowing time to grieve, process emotions, and regroup.

This isn’t your typical homeschool post, but parenting, life, and school are so intertwined for homeschooling families. At any stage of parenting, life will, at times, take precedence over school – and that’s okay.

* Read more encouragement from Kris here!

What tips would you offer for helping kids successfully navigate the often emotional teen years?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your type needs most!

Written by Cait Fitz of My Little Poppies.

My oldest son is a world-class worrier. The worries housed in his brain are far too big for his sweet little body. I wish I could whisk them away and erase them from his mind forevermore.

His worries always spike this time of year. Is it a hold-over from the winter months? A form of Spring Fever? I’m not quite sure, but we always experience a swell of worry in spring.

We brace ourselves for sleepless nights and heart-to-heart talks that don’t seem to do anything… that is, until they do.

My little buddy has conquered many fears in his seven years on the planet and, thankfully, we’ve learned that the worries always pass with a little TLC, creativity, and heaps of patience.

Do you have a little kid with big worries?

While I certainly don’t claim to have all the answers, I am happy to share strategies that have worked for this school-psychologist-and-world-class-worrier-mom.

Name it

It is important for your little worrier to understand that everyone worries. Anxiety serves an important purpose: protection. It plays a key role in the fight or flight response.

The first time I told my son that worries are a normal part of the human experience, I could see him relax. Identifying and understanding worry is one step in the process of conquering it.

Listen

The last thing you want to do with worry is ignore it. Talk about those worries!

Remember that it can be difficult to discuss the worries as they are happening. Sometimes revisiting the topic at a calmer moment works wonders.

I often talk about the previous night’s worries while driving. I think there’s something about the spontaneity and lack of eye contact that makes the whole thing less formal and, well, easier. Talking about the worry will help you both to understand it better.

Triggers and resiliency

Knowing worry triggers can give you time to prepare, or to develop an action-plan:

“Hey, bud, there’s going to be a clown at Joe’s party. How do you think we can make this work?”

Whatever you do, do not fall into the avoidance trap.

It is important for your child to face the worries and work to overcome them, with support from you. Conquering worries builds a feeling of success and fosters resiliency.

So, for example, I have a child who tends to freak-out at new activities. Before each new activity, I will say something like,

“Remember that time you were really afraid to play soccer because you thought everyone was better than you but then you tried it and you absolutely loved it?”

Remembering past successes can be helpful in overcoming current worries.

Photo by Pixabay

Strategies

Explain to your child that triggers and coping are unique.

When I’m overwhelmed, I find that exercise, books, music, and sleep are my best coping strategies. Share yours with your little worrier and help your child to discover what works.

Great strategies include:

• guided relaxation and imagery
• meditation
• yoga
• deep breathing
• progressive muscle relaxation
• distraction
• humor
• writing
• and drawing

Keep a notepad beside your child’s bed so that he or she can do what I call a “brain dump” and either write about or draw the worries. This can clear the mind and allow for sleep.

Stress is a part of life so it’s best to learn to manage it early. Coping skills are among the most important of life skills!

Self-care

This may sound trite but it’s true: eat well and be sure to get enough exercise, fresh air, and sleep.

Meeting these most basic of needs will give your child the energy to calm the worry monster. This is just as important for parents as it is for children.

It can be extremely challenging to parent an anxious kiddo. You’ll have a better chance of staying calm if you are taking care of yourself.

Model

Yes, some of us may worry more than others, but we all worry.

The next time you are worried about something, talk about it with your worrier. Identify the emotion and walk them through how you will cope with it. Or, talk about a time in the past that you felt anxious and how you overcame it.

Simplify

When you are in the throes of a worry surge, simplify. Make time for relaxation in your day. Snuggle, read, or try a mandatory quiet time. The quiet will recharge everyone.

When our son’s worry spikes, we cut back on activities and focus on the things we love. Doing less brings an instant calm to our days.

If the worry monster has reared its angry noggin in your home, cut back on your homeschool expectations. Worry will not ease up if you have a huge to-do list to conquer.

If your child loves read alouds, do more of them and cut back on other things. Learning will happen if you relax and let it, I promise.

Remember

Worry ebbs and flows and changes over time. You might conquer it this time, but it could rear its ugly head again.

Remember these tips and remind your child of them. What worked last time may need to be tweaked this time.

Don’t be afraid to try something new

Some of our best worry-busters were borne of desperation mixed with a little creativity.

One time we overcame a fear of crickets with bedroom “cricket blocking” shades. Another time, we conquered a fear of using the bathroom at night with a portable nightlight.

Most recently, we quelled our son’s fears and sleep difficulties with a worry basket and some car keys!

Seek help

If your child’s worry is significantly impairing his or her functioning and daily living, and/or if there is a history of anxiety in your family, it’s important to seek help. The sooner, the better.

Call your pediatrician or ask around to find a wonderful mental health counselor. Cognitive-behavioral therapy and/or play therapy can work wonders.

Do you have a world-class worrier too? Share your tips here!

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!