Do we depend too much on our kids? ~ Written by Kari Patterson

The wording might sound weird, but the idea resonates with me deeply: Once your child’s a teen, you’re no longer the star of the show.

You might be thinking, Star of the show? What show?

My daughter Heidi (15) is in youth theater and we have a running joke that I keep waiting for the artistic team to call and ask me to play some lead role. Come on, I can totally be Elsa! Give me a chance!

Yeah not happening. I had my season on the stage. I now work backstage, and I love it! It’s my children’s time to shine.

Most moms I know aren’t looking for a spotlight (and I’m not saying parents literally shouldn’t be on stages), I just mean that life really isn’t about me anymore.

Of course this starts from day one as parents. We mamas give up our bodies, time, sleep, energy, we set ourselves aside over and over as our little ones grow up.

But sometimes, we might miss the memo that this not-about-me aspect of parenthood only increases as they grow older.

And if we don’t wrap our minds around this and establish our own well-being, secure identity, and mental health, we can dangerously depend on our children or inadvertently make their journeys too much our own.

Do we depend too much on our kids?

Let’s consider how this can play out in our lives and our children’s.

Do we depend too much on our kids for SIGNIFICANCE?

For those hungry for significance, we can easily look to our children’s world to establish our own worth.

This begins early! If our toddler tantrums in public we’re wrecked emotionally, angry and embarrassed. A healthy pride over our child’s accomplishments can grow into increasing pressure placed on them to perform, because we see their success as ours.

As they grow, we can make their endeavors about our own pursuits.

Do we lean on our kids for SECURITY?

For those hungry for security, we can subtly use our children to give us emotional comfort and support.

Perhaps all introverts can identify with how helpful it is to have a child to “hide behind” in social settings. No shame in that, it can certainly make parties easier.

But as they grow, we can become unhealthily dependent on them, especially if our adult relationships are problematic.

Both of these place a pressure on children they were never meant to bear. Children were never intended to be our source of significance or security, and though they might never be able to articulate it, the result of having to shoulder that ill-fitting burden often ends in resentment.

So how do we avoid this? Asking ourselves a few questions can help.

For the little years:

• Do I get angry and resentful when my child’s behavior interrupts my day or causes me discomfort?
• Do I display these feelings in such a way that my child feels responsible for my own emotional state?
• Am I modeling emotional regulation or am I sending the message that my child has the power to make or break my day?
• Do I overly depend on having my child with me as a sort of social security blanket?

For the middle years:

• Have I over-booked my child’s life with activities that he or she may not actually want to do?
• Are there any ways that I’m demanding my child go a certain route because it’s what pleases me most?
• If I am involved in coaching or leading these activities, am I making the activity too much about me?

For the teen years: 

• Am I pushing my child OR holding back my child because of my own emotional needs?
• Am I pushing them out of panic that they might not be doing as well as I wish?
• Or am I holding them back because “I’m not ready” for whatever is next in their life?
• Do I have an unhealthy emotional dependence on them?
• Am I expecting them to meet a relational need that should be met through a spouse or friend?

While I’m not to the grown years yet, all of these things pave the way for a healthy launch into independence and adulthood for our kids. Our children should feel the freedom to fly the coop and establish their own lives in adulthood without worrying about whether we’ll be okay without them.

Simply put: They cannot fly freely with the weight of our needs around their necks.

Friends, I’m working on this too. Let’s enjoy our children thoroughly without depending on them for our significance and security. For their good. And our own.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Homeschooling Middle School: What’s The Same vs. What’s Different ~
Written by Jessica Waldock of The Waldock Way

At first, homeschooling middle school feels like a big challenge. Suddenly, you’re facing new emotions and a new level of independence. Most of the things your child used to think were fun are “boring” and “lame” now.

Fortunately, there’s a lot about homeschooling during the middle school years that stays the same. Middle school kids still want to have fun and have a strong connection with you, even if they think your jokes aren’t funny anymore. 

Keep reading to get the scoop on what’s the same and what’s different about homeschooling middle school. Plus, get some tips from a mom who’s made the transition to help you face the challenges of homeschooling middle school this year. 

Transitioning To Middle School In Your Homeschool

In a lot of small ways, homeschooling has changed, but there are lots of ways it’s still the same too. It’s crazy to think about how much older Emily is getting and what that means for our homeschool. At first, I thought transitioning to middle school would be a challenge and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to meet it. 

Gradually, I’ve come to discover that we can keep doing the same things with just a bit of revision. 

Homeschooling Middle School: What Has Changed

Homeschooling in middle school can be intimidating. I won’t say that it’s the same because a lot has changed since we started diving into the middle school years. We still play lots of games, prioritize our family connection, and focus on Emily’s passions and interests. 

However, there’s a lot that has changed in our homeschool too! 

It’s Harder to Have Fun

Homeschooling middle school sometimes means that having fun is a bit more challenging. Remember kindergarten when a game of Candy Land and writing letters in the sandbox was a great homeschool day? Well, middle school is different. 

Sometimes middle schoolers feel stuck between trying to be cool and still enjoying the things they did when they were little. Even if they’d still like to play Candy Land, they’ll never admit it. That means homeschooling parents may have to get creative with school assignments and curriculum choices.

There aren’t always fun activities and games built into every middle school curriculum. I have to put forth extra effort to keep things fun while meeting our middle school learning goals. Fortunately, with a little extra effort, having fun while homeschooling middle school is still possible.

New Emotions

Middle schoolers come with all kinds of new emotions that can throw a curve ball in your homeschool plans. They’re dealing with lots of big changes. Sometimes we get blindsided by big emotions or emotional outbursts we weren’t expecting. 

Sometimes these new emotions mean we have to switch up our plans for the day or that academics need to take a backseat. I stay focused on prioritizing a strong connection with Emily and teaching her that emotional health is important. Teaching our middle schoolers skills, like how to have a growth mindset and how to use mindfulness tools can be just as important as learning about algebra or history.

New Independence

Another thing that’s changed about homeschooling middle school is Emily’s level of independence. She’s able to complete lessons and face academic challenges without my help. That’s a bittersweet change for me. 

Suddenly, she’s capable of doing so much on her own and wants to do it alone too. It is challenging to step back after years of being a very hands-on homeschool parent! 

At the same time, middle schoolers are caught between that newfound independence and their dependence on us. That means we have to make challenging decisions about what they’re ready for and what they might not be able to do independently right now. 

Sometimes, your middle schooler might even surprise you by asking for your help with something you know they can do on their own. It’s okay to say yes sometimes when that happens. After all, fostering connection is still important for homeschooling middle school.

Homeschooling Middle School: Most Is The Same!

Fortunately, homeschooling middle school is mostly the same. We kept the same priorities: interest-led learning, strengthening our family relationships, and having fun homeschooling.

Strewing

We’re still doing many of the things that worked well last year in our homeschool For example, strewing. Strewing has been an important part of our homeschool routine for years. 

Now that we’re in the middle school years, strewing is often about books, games, and tech resources as opposed to crafts and building materials. We are big fans of strewing single-player games too.

Morning Baskets

We are still enjoying our morning basket time together while homeschooling middle school. Morning baskets for middle schoolers can still have lots of fun activities and opportunities for connection. The challenge is that the materials are often very different from what used to be in our morning baskets.

Now, morning baskets begin our day with themed poetry, stories, and games. They have also become an easy way for me to squeeze in subjects like poetry or foreign languages that sometimes fall through the cracks.

Homeschooling middle school can be a challenge in the beginning, but I think you’ll find that not everything has changed. Even though some things are different, it’s a good difference.

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your type needs most!

3 Ways to Help Older Children Choose Books ~
Written by Amber O’Neal Johnston from Heritage Mom

When my kids were little, selecting books for them was fun. I would pour through booklists and browse the shelves of indie shops eyeing all the titles I planned to get in my next book haul. I’d gather my little ducklings at my feet, knees, arms, and wherever else they’d fit, and I’d share beautiful stories.

Fairy tales and adventures. Folk tales and mysteries. Fantasies and biographies. Each book brought a smile to their faces and a sense of satisfaction to my mama heart.

And then, out of nowhere, my kids started growing up. They learned to read and began to crave more independent literary lives. They had opinions and unique interests, and sometimes they resisted my suggestions more than they appreciated them.

Not knowing how to navigate the transition to raising tween and teen readers, I did what I do best when I’m anxious: I panicked!

I fought against my kids’ choices when they didn’t meet my expectations, and I clung to what was comfortable. In short, I became a control freak, and it didn’t work out too well.

I was unhappy, the kids were unhappy, and everyone’s reading life suffered. It was during this time that I decided that something had to change. Well, honestly, someone had to change, and that someone was me.

I talked to a few moms that I admire, read a couple of books, and took an afternoon at our local coffee shop to think through how I could begin to create a new normal. I now have several years of helping older children choose books under my belt, and I’m happy to pass along some of the ideas that worked best in my home.

3 Ways to Help Older Children Choose Books

1. Prioritize your relationship.

The relationships we cultivate with our children take precedence over all other homeschooling matters. I thought my behavior was justified until I saw the impact my heavy-handed approach was having on my family. I started feeling less connected to the kids as they lost interest in bantering about the books they were reading.

The distance caused by something as seemingly innocent as book choices was surprising to me, and I was motivated to recapture the closeness that we’d always had. I decided that books were nowhere near as important as relationships, and that gave me an opening to apologize to my kids and try something new.

2. Share a mutual joy of books.

In a 1913 article from The Parents’ Review, British educator Charlotte Mason wrote, “There is joy in the home, the incomparable joy of intellectual life, when the child strikes sparks of thought from his parent, the parent drops seeds of reflection in the eager mind of the child; but this kind of happy intercourse can only take place where there is the mutual joy of books.”

This idea of parent and child engaged in a bit of a literary dance, if you will, appeals to me.

Just as my children read the lesson books that I selected, I began to read the leisure books that they preferred. We were quickly able to return to our casual book chats, inside jokes, and cool references as we recaptured shared reading experiences.

3. Take on new roles.

For so long, I was the head librarian, deciding exactly what comes on and off the shelf and when. No one minded, and it worked well until it didn’t. As my kids got older, they needed me to fill other roles.

Now I enjoy poring over book reviews and perusing back covers alongside my children while we chat about the pros and cons of various titles. I don’t mind taking a back seat to become more of a procurement agent, chauffeuring children to the library or bookstore, or helping them process purchases online.

Having a say in what ends up in their reading baskets gives them a sense of ownership over their literary lives. It helps them identify as readers and people who value thinking through the books and characters they choose to spend time with.

Guide your children as you see fit, but leave room for the machinations of their own stories to unfold.

Without judgment, let them meander through books that call to them. Honor your older children as they seek pleasure and comfort inside the pages of a beloved book.

Build freedom into your home library.

Allow room for your child to experience what Pamela Paul and Maria Russo, the authors of How to Raise a Reader, call the “natural, timeless, time-stopping joys of reading.” You’ll be so glad that you did.

Are you a GOOD or BAD homeschool mom? Take Jamie’s NEW QUIZ now to find out!

3 Ways to Connect with Your Middle Schoolers ~
Written by Purva Brown of The Classical Unschooler

Something has changed around here lately, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Overnight it seems my older two children have grown up. And the trajectory of my mom life has changed completely. Where, in 2019, I was mostly concerned with having time to myself, now most of my worry revolves around what my middle schoolers are doing.

Prefer to listen instead?

“Are they making good decisions?” I wonder, realizing the old ways of talking to them no longer work. They tend to talk to each other a lot more than they talk to their father and me and when they do, the conversation is short and to the point.

I spend so much time with them around, but still feel like we don’t share the same world. Of course, I anticipated this change; I even welcome it. But part of me is a little miffed that I have lost my position as Head Queen in their minds and that they don’t hang on my every word as the youngest still does. (Less so, lately but hey, I’ll take what I can get.)

What is a mom to do? Maybe you’re in a similar place? Follow along then as I share three ways to connect with your middle schoolers.

3 Ways to Connect with Your Middle Schoolers

1. Music

I will be the first to admit I am not musical in the least. I couldn’t even tell you what genre is my favorite; it all depends on my mood. But my oldest daughter seems to have inherited her musical talent from my husband, a bit of an autodidact.

He taught himself to play the guitar by watching YouTube videos and he shows my daughter a few things here and there. We haven’t enrolled the children in formal lessons.

However, one of the ways I have learned to connect with them is just to listen to some of the music they enjoy. This is not about “being the cool mom,” but a way of being involved and connecting with them. I remember shunning all popular music when the kids were little.

I worried about it being a bad influence on them. I have since loosened up and prefer to discuss and talk about it with the children and, yes, listen to it with them in the car. Open lines of communication with the kids mean more to me these days than the lyrics.

2. Games

We have recently added this into our weekly routine and I absolutely love it. When we were living in California, my husband had a game group he met with twice a month to play Pathfinder, which is a role playing game. It all looked fascinating, but I was never involved.

When we moved to Washington and COVID hit, all chances of playing with anyone outside the family vanished. So we started our own adventure! I didn’t think I would enjoy it as much as I did, but I now look forward to our Wednesday evening games.

I don’t read aloud as much as I used to, now that the children are older, but this gives me the same feeling that reading aloud did.

We all get to inhabit a world together that’s just us and I love it as a bonding experience. Plus, it’s fascinating to watch the decisions my children make. It’s a lot of fun.

3. Money

I know. This seems like an odd way to reach your children, but I tell you… it works every single time!

We have always encouraged work for money, but involving them in small financial decisions goes beyond the basics. It’s a great way to engage and build trust and also show them the ropes.

One thing I have learned with my kids is that they have to be shown something multiple times for it to stick. With that in mind, just reminding them to turn off the lights and fans isn’t enough. I have to also show them the electric bill and the mortgage bill.

It’s a gentle way to introduce them to the skills they will need in adulthood without being didactic. Conversations about career choice flow a lot more easily if they are already involved in everyday talk about money.

The elementary years were the tough ones when it came to homeschooling, but I am learning to appreciate these middle school years. Our hard work has begun to pay off and we can enjoy our time with the children.

They definitely still need the guidance and – much to my surprise – I need the interaction with them. I love watching the people they are becoming–right in front of my eyes!

How do you connect with your middle schoolers? I’d love to learn even more ways!

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

The Joy of Homeschooling Middle School ~
Written by Purva Brown of The Classical Unschooler

I will admit that the beginning of this school year was a tad terrifying. After all, I was going to be homeschooling three children!

I had poured my heart into creating curricula and teaching my first two, and now I had to do the same with my youngest while not missing a beat with my older crew.

Life was going to get serious.

“Buckle down!” I warned myself.

And then a few months later I laughed.

Because the fact is, these years of teaching middle school have been the most fun years of my life.

The Joy of Homeschooling Middle School

Here’s why:

They already know the basic information

When the children were in their elementary years, we used the time to get a smattering of everything. We memorized facts in math and other subjects. I call my style “classical unschooling,” and I have written a book (afflink) on how we follow the classical model for the most part while following the child’s lead on interests.

Because my older children have this wealth of facts and information and the basics are covered, in the middle school years, we delve into putting it all together.

We do still go back and review, too, but for the most part, they already know the basics, so the feeling I have in middle school is of having successfully completed one stage and moving on to the next level.

It’s good and satisfying.

They take ownership of their education

For me, it’s the baby years of raising kids that are the most demanding. Once we cross that labor of love, the real fun begins.

I feel the same way about teaching middle school. In other words, it gets easier.

The older children have taken more ownership of their education this year and it feels like a weight off my shoulders. It’s not that I don’t plan the curriculum like I used to – I absolutely do set my intention before the year begins, but it’s that I’m not the only one in charge.

They know their interests – my son can’t stop mouthing science facts. (“What is this kid? An encyclopedia?” a relative asked recently when my son gave him all the information he ever needed to know around a campfire about yetis.)

While the elementary years were spent introducing them to different topics, this year I have enjoyed watching clear interests and individual personalities grow.

Their curricula is no longer interchangeable. They do different things in their free time. And just like watching a photograph develop, it’s fun watching them come into their own.

Field trips rock

I remember my enthusiasm for homeschooling in the younger years. I wanted to start when my daughter was two years old! Looking back now, I realize all that excitement was misplaced.

Yes, teaching younger kids can be exciting, thanks to those “aha moments” that show fresh learning. But those moments are way more abundantly found in the middle years.

It is for this reason that middle school is the best time for field trips. There is less hand holding, less spoon feeding and you are there learning right along with them instead of dispensing information one drop at a time.

If someone had told me when we first started that homeschooling was going to get better and better, I would not have believed them.

Middle school in my head was all about books and protractors and microscopes. And sure, there’s that, but it’s so much more.

It’s wonderful conversations and explorations and looking things up. Middle school is learning things together and cooking food and finding new passions.

It’s playing games online and rescuing baby squirrels and waking up at 4 a.m. with my eleven year old daughter to feed it puppy formula because we checked online and figured out that’s the only thing the baby can digest.

Middle school is beginning to look more and more like the kind of homeschool I’ve always wanted for my children and myself. It’s joyful and it’s every bit as unique as our family and each of the children themselves.

Are you also homeschooling middle school? What joys have you discovered?

If you found this post helpful, sign up here to receive Jamie’s FREE ebook, Secrets of a Successful Homeschool Mom!

Written by Kari Patterson of Sacred Mundane

It was the conversation I never dreamed we’d have:

“I don’t think we’re doing enough. School has gotten really easy.”

“Yeah, you said we’d be doing more this year, but we aren’t. Can’t we learn some more things?”

It was the kind of complaining that’s music to a mama’s ears. Both kids lamenting that they’re not learning enough? Both kids actually asking to do more school? 

After I picked myself up off the floor, I asked some clarifying questions, to understand what exactly they were wanting. At twelve and ten-years-old, they are mostly independent in their studies, and over the past couple years I’ve slowly decluttered our curriculum, simmering it down to the basic essentials.

I saw so much good coming from having more space, I was hesitant to add anything back in.

But now they were begging me for more. Wasn’t this exactly what I’d hoped for? Wasn’t this the whole point? Don’t they say that cultivating (or recovering) a love of learning was the whole point of these middle-years?

This was it. My confirmation that a love of learning was growing, and that now, now that they were asking for it, I could effectively add more work into their days.

I sat down with paper and asked them each in turn:

Ok, you’re already doing the basics, so what subjects would you like to add? What do you want to learn?

Each child answered differently. Heidi was eager to learn a second language, take a Creative Writing course, read more books from our booklists, write book reports, and start a monthly book club with her friends.

I had to chuckle. I’ve never required my kids to write book reports, favoring discussion instead. But this girl loves to write, so written reports appeal to her. Great!

We signed up for an online Spanish course, and I pulled down the Creative Writing materials I had purchased ahead for Dutch (who isn’t interested–ha!). She took the initiative of inviting, organizing and hosting the first gathering of her book club and the girls had a blast.

My son’s request was short and sweet, related to his obsession with all things Creation Science: He wanted to buy a high school Biology textbook and critique it, considering claims, writing notes in the margin, and finding any areas of inaccuracy, when compared with a Creationist perspective.

This had never occurred to me, but I thought it was a great idea. Undoubtedly he’d learn some more biology, gain experience comparing varying perspectives, sharpen his reasoning, and learn how to articulate his views.

We also purchased The Truth Project DVD series so we could go through them together and discuss different aspects of a biblical worldview.

Clearly, my two children’s requests could not have been more different. And certainly, it would be a disaster to try to force both kids to fit into the same educational mold.

Dutch can easily advance into adult-level materials in his area of interest. Heidi is doing a week’s worth of writing lessons each day because she enjoys it so much.

My point is this: If we overcrowd our curriculum we don’t have the time, space, and mental energy to add in what our children love.

I believe that, in general, we want people to want more of what we offer, not less.

Every public speaker knows that the key is leaving people wanting more, not looking at their watches wondering when you’ll finally be done. 

The same, I believe, is true with education. At this stage, I want to whet my children’s appetites for knowledge, learning, acquiring skills, and then leave them wanting more.

Create a hunger, then let them feast at will. 

We might be surprised to find our children begging for more.

How do you add this type of “fun” learning into your homeschool?

The ABCs of Homeschooling Older Kids ~
Written by Hannah Vanderpool of Praying with One Eye Open

I’ve homeschooled my three kids from the beginning of their little lives, and I treasure the memories we share from our years at home together.

It wasn’t all delight-led learning, of course. I look back with regret on impatient words I’ve spoken; times when my expectations for my kids weren’t reasonable.

Overall, though, homeschooling is one of the best decisions we ever made.

But my kids are teenagers now, and, if I’m honest, I’m not having a lot of fun these days. Oh, we still enjoy one another (most of the time), and we don’t fantasize about going to brick and mortar school (usually).

We eat dinner together and take walks in the park. But the things that made homeschooling enjoyable for me in earlier days have largely fallen by the wayside.

For instance, my teens don’t want me to read to them anymore. They’ll sit patiently if I insist on doing it, but while they used to delight in read-alouds, now they forbear them.

Also? They don’t want me to sit beside them and help solve problems except once-in-a-while. They don’t ask my opinion as often as they used to, and when they do, they sometimes ignore it.

Increasingly, they need me in the same way I need a plumber or firefighter–in case of emergency.

And I don’t like it.

What’s a mom like me to do when my current role looks more like a springboard and less like a teacher? And what if I loved being a teacher? What if it feels like everyone in the house is moving up and moving on except me?

I’ve decided what I need most, right now, is to homeschool myself. I need to remember my ABCs.

‘A’ is for accept

I have to come to grips with the fact that homeschooling, like parenting, comes with its own built-in seasons.

From the beginning of this journey I wanted my kids to become independent learners. And they have.

My kids take classes from a local co-op and music lessons from a fine arts academy.

They organize social events with their friends, work jobs, play sports and complete their homework assignments mostly on their own. And they should.

While this season is bittersweet for me, it’s normal and appropriate. I want to stop negatively comparing now to the good ol’ days (that, honestly, weren’t always so good).

‘B’ is for believe

I choose to believe that the training, love, messes and failures of the last decade have prepared my kids — and me — for this new season, and that they were all part of our growth.

And, you know, there’s still growth that needs to happen in all of us. While my guidance might look different with teenagers than it did with littles, it’s still important.

I need to believe I can lead my kids by example, if not always by direct instruction, and that it will be enough.

‘C’ is for cultivate

I need to cultivate a life of my own as my kids become adults before my eyes.

Of course, I always needed a life of my own. But it’s sometimes hard to nurture a sense of self when you aren’t sleeping through the night, or your preschooler wants to watch you go potty.

It gets easier and, I’ll argue, more important than ever to have interests, pursuits, and maybe even a “room of one’s own” as my kids need me less.

One reason is that I can’t just sit around biding my time. I need to feel productive.

Another is that the kids are still watching. They’ll benefit from having a mom who chooses to grow no matter what comes her way.

I’m the only one who can cultivate my life, and, ultimately, my kids are the only ones who can cultivate theirs. It’s good for them to see that.

Homeschooling through high school can be a beautiful, if challenging, undertaking. It’s beautiful when I happen to be available for a conversation my son really needs to have. It’s beautiful when I notice my daughter struggling, and I can offer a shoulder to cry on.

Yes, we’re spread out all over the house reading our own books now. Yes, we sometimes disagree. But we’re still under one roof, and we love each other.

I want to remember that, and be satisfied with what we have in this moment. Because soon this will be a memory, too.

Are you homeschooling older kids too? How have you dealt with the transition?

What’s Your Homeschool Mom Personality? Take Jamie’s quiz now and receive a free personality report to help you organize your homeschool based on what your personality type needs most!

Jonathan and I sat at our local Panera Bread, enjoying a mother-son afternoon date. We ordered hot chocolate and played a favorite game to get started. But then he wanted to get down to the real fun he’d been anticipating.

I opened my laptop and we began his online weather course: watching multimedia clips and taking the quizzes involved.

After 45 minutes, guess who was bored? (Me.)

“Jonathan, we’ll stop at 4 o’clock, but we can come back to it another day.”

“Why? Please, can I finish the whole thing?”

What homeschooling mama could say no? Not this one!

And the whole experience got me thinking: “How many 11-year-olds beg to study and take quizzes on their Saturday afternoons?”

What I want to stress is this: I haven’t done anything incredible to make this scenario happen. In fact, my son’s progress is more about what I haven’t done.

Steve and I have simply created an inspiring environment and then let it work toward the development of our top educational goal for our 8- to 12-year-olds:

To fall deeply in love with learning.

Soaking up the last warm days by taking our books outdoors!

Why we’ve chosen this path

If you’re familiar with Strengthsfinders, you’ll understand when I say one of my top five strengths is being a LEARNER.

Finding this out about myself a few years ago made so much sense out of my experience in public school. (If you haven’t taken the test you might want to consider it!)

I loved to read and write and desperately wanted to learn. I was one of those kids hiding novels under their desks, secretly questioning why I had to hide them.

My experience of having a deep love of learning and of having to work around the system to develop it, has made me passionate about offering my own children the chance to develop their love of learning in freedom.

No hiding novels under desks required.

Love of Learning Phase

If the phases of learning are new to you, here’s a basic overview: 

• Core Phase, ages 0-8
• Love of Learning, ages 8-12
• Transition to Scholar, ages 12-14
• Scholar Phase, ages 14-18
• Depth Phase, ages 18-22

The idea is that a child will naturally move to the next phase if and when they have fully mastered the goals of the previous ones, which is why all the ages listed are approximate guidelines only.

Previously I wrote about our family’s experience with Core Phase learning for ages 0-8. Reading that post first will help you understand this one, since all of us must have a secure core phase foundation for the other phases to follow.

One of our favorite learning games for understanding money

The Love of Learning Curriculum

“During this phase, the skills and tools of learning such as reading, writing, math skills, experimentation, library research, and oral persuasion, that will enable later scholarly habits, are practiced according to the student’s level of interest and desire and a fair level of competence gained.”
~ Leadership Education, Chapter 2

Here’s an overview of the Love of Learning curriculum, as it is described here:

• Example
• Environment
• Opportunities & Projects
• Work, Play, Study
• Field Trips
• The Library
• Inspiring Parent
• Mentors
• Guidance
• The Bookshelf
• Mornings, Afternoons, Evenings
• The Seasons
• Exploring
• Freedom, Fun, Family
• Questions & Discussions

If this curriculum sounds like real life to you, that’s because it is!

Jonathan engrossed in this fabulous edition of a forever classic

Our family’s experience

I remember studying this book years ago, wondering how on earth letting my little kids play most of the time would lead to a desire to learn. But it turns out, it does!

I’ve discovered that ten- and twelve-year-olds, in the right environment, don’t want to be doing the same thing they were doing at ages six and eight. They slowly mature and develop new goals, particularly if they know there’s a mission out there waiting for them.

I have a 12-year-old now in Transition to Scholar Phase, an 11-year-old solidly in Love of Learning, and a ten-year-old still working through Core Phase.

Yet it hasn’t been all flowers and buttercups to get us here.

What we’ve given up:

Following such a different path hasn’t come without sacrifices. The main sacrifice we’ve made is letting go of the typical conveyor belt method of schooling.

We haven’t tried to “keep up” with the system, because we wanted a new system. While this has been freeing in many ways, it’s also required faith and a commitment to homeschooling long-term.

When allowed to develop naturally, children develop unevenly. They may be far ahead compared to grade level peers in one area, far “behind” in another. We’ve needed to step way outside the grade-level box. That’s been downright scary at times.

What we’ve gained:

In our home, we have an environment where learning is celebrated! It’s FAR from perfect, mind you, but that’s the beauty–it doesn’t have to be perfect to work.

I have three children who passionately love learning, who think one of best ways to spend an afternoon is curled up with a book or writing a new story.

Even my youngest, who at age ten is not yet a fluent reader, tells people that his favorite things to do are “playing and reading.” This response tells me that his natural love of learning is still alive and kicking, in spite of the fact that he hasn’t yet mastered the written word. I’m so grateful for that!

What about hard work?

But don’t kids need to learn certain things, like it or not?

We definitely teach our children the importance of hard work, but we do so in areas outside of academics: cleaning and working for the family, baking and cooking, and focusing on character.

One day I came across a quote from a veteran homeschooling mama on a Thomas Jefferson Education forum that put it all together for me:

“Separate learn to work hard and learn to love learning. Let each of those be internalized on their own tracks. Then, in Scholar Phase, the two combine and the kid is ready to work hard at learning.”

For our family, a subscription to Little Passports has been a perfect addition to Love of Learning Phase

Is it really that risky?

The results of the traditional educational system are far from stellar, and they certainly come with plenty of risks involved, too.

Following a new philosophy took tremendous faith and courage in the younger years, but now our family has started to see it working. Having kids who love learning makes a homeschooling parent’s job much easier…because they begin to educate themselves.

This allows me to get on with my own education and mission, all the while modeling the importance of learning alongside them. We live, love, and learn side-by-side, each of us in the way that best matches our phase of life.

And in spite of the challenges, I couldn’t imagine anything else I’d rather be doing.

Learn more about Love of Learning Phase:

• Tjed.org – the official site of A Thomas Jefferson Education
• A Thomas Jefferson Education by Oliver DeMille (The WHY of the method)
• Leadership Education: The Phases of Learning by Oliver and Rachel DeMille (The HOW)

How does your family seek to instill a love of learning in your children?

This post contains affiliate links, which means I get commissions for purchases made through some of the links.

I first heard about Big Fat Notebooks from LeVar Burton of Reading Rainbow (you guys know I am a fan!), who tweeted a photo of them. I was immediately intrigued, drawn to their bright colors and concept.

So when the opportunity came my way to partner with Workman Publishing and share them with you in this space, I gave it a definite yes. I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this series, and now that we’ve had them in our home for a few weeks, I’m just as excited!

Since my kids hit double-digits, more than once I’ve looked nostalgically at our shelf of encyclopedia-type titles (like the Core Knowledge Series/Childcraft books), wishing there was something similar for older ages. Well, the folks behind Brain Quest have created it!

Here’s an overview:

“It’s the revolutionary study guide series just for middle school students from the brains behind Brain Quest.

The BIG FAT NOTEBOOK series is built on a simple and irresistible concept—borrowing the notes from the smartest kid in class. There are five books in all, and each is the only book you need for each main subject taught in middle school: Math, Science, American History, English Language Arts, and World History.

Inside the reader will find every subject’s key concepts, easily digested and summarized: Critical ideas highlighted in neon colors. Definitions explained. Doodles that illuminate tricky concepts in marker. Mnemonics for memorable shortcuts. And quizzes to recap it all.”

Just as bright and interesting on the inside as on the outside, my kids will go back to these reference books again and again, and I can consult them as a teacher when covering specific topics or answering their questions.

Here are the titles and what’s in each one:

Everything You Need to Ace Math . . . covers everything to get you over any math hump: fractions, decimals, and how to multiply and divide them; ratios, proportions, and percentages; geometry; statistics and probability; expressions and equations; and the coordinate plane and functions.

Everything You Need to Ace Science . . . takes readers from scientific investigation and the engineering design process to the Periodic Table; forces and motion; forms of energy; outer space and the solar system; to earth sciences, biology, body systems, ecology, and more.

Everything You Need to Ace American History . . . covers Native Americans to the war in Iraq. There are units on Colonial America; the Revolutionary War and the founding of a new nation; Jefferson and the expansion west; the Civil War and Reconstruction; and all of the notable events of the 20th century—World Wars, the Depression, the Civil Rights movement, and much more.

Everything You Need to Ace World History . . . kicks off with the Paleolithic Era and transports the reader to ancient civilizations—in Egypt, Greece, India, China, Africa, Rome; the middle ages across the world; the Renaissance; the age of exploration and colonialization, revolution and imperialism, and the modern world and the wars and movements that shaped it.

Everything You Need to Ace English Language Arts . . . covers everything to get you your best marks: grammar, including parts of speech, active and passive verbs, Greek and Latin roots and affixes; nuances in word meanings; textual analysis, authorship, structure, and other skills for reading fiction and nonfiction; and writing arguments, informative texts, and narratives.

To earn a coveted spot on Jonathan’s crowded couch of books is no small feat!

When our Big Fat Notebooks arrived, it wasn’t long before my oldest two, Trishna and Jonathan, disappeared with them.

Since Trishna has a visual impairment, it can be tough when most books for her age (13) are in tiny print. She was excited to see that these use a larger, colorful font that is more comfortable for her. And Jonathan immediately went straight for the science volume, to check out how much information they had about weather inside. (Answer? A whole chapter!)

This week Workman Publishing wants to give a set of Big Fat Notebooks to one of you as well!

Note: This giveaway has ended; thanks for your interest!

The Prize

One Simple Homeschool reader will win an entire set of Big Fat Notebooks as well as school supplies including highlighter/pen combos, a notepad, and jigsaw sticky notes!

To be entered to win, leave a comment on this post answering this question: How old are your kids, and which installment of the Big Fat Notebooks do you think would interest them most?

Note: This giveaway is open to those with US addresses only. So sorry, international readers.

(If you’re reading this via email or reader, you must click here to leave your comment on this post at Simple Homeschool. Comments or emails left elsewhere don’t count as entries.)

This giveaway has ended; thanks for your interest!

This post is sponsored by Workman Publishing. All opinions are my own!

Written by Heather Woodie of Blog She Wrote.

If you’ve been homeschooling a while, then you know that the early days of homeschooling are among the sweetest. What could be better than gathering young children around to work together on reading and simple projects?

But as our homeschooled children mature, so does our homeschooling. Pattern blocks and letter tiles are traded for long division and book reports.

Eventually research papers, calculus, and college entrance exams are on the horizon.

Mothers of young homeschooled children hear such truths, but we seldom take them to heart until it’s our turn. Perhaps many of you are reading this and thinking how far away calculus is – or wonder if your students will ever get there. I understand.

My children (we have four with a six and a half year span between them) were all little once. It wasn’t all that long ago that we were teaching reading and running to change a baby’s diaper.

But now, it sometimes seems like it’s all “nose to the grindstone” around here.

So this post is to encourage you to remember why you began homeschooling and to keep the flame ignited — even during the middle and high school years.

Perhaps it is the highly charged academic community we live in (homeschoolers included), but we are often tempted to leave behind some of the most sacred of our homeschool ideals the older our children get and the higher we believe the stakes are.

Resist the urge to chase the conventional and consider ways to keep the spark in your homeschool.

Here are four of our tried and true methods:

Read and discuss books together

There are few ways to connect so effectively with a teen both personally and academically than through shared books.

Continue to read aloud to your teens and have them read to you. Time is well spent as you challenge each other to a good read and then talk about the book.

Even disliking a book, should that happen, gives you something to talk about. It also stretches you as the parent. I would never have picked up Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 if my son hadn’t been reading it and I didn’t expect to like a dystopian novel, but I loved it. It’s a thinking book and still relevant to us today.

My teens feel so strongly about books that they came up with this list of 100 Books You Should Read before You Turn 20.

Talk about current events

I have our teens watch the headlines and we discuss them at dinner or in the evening.

Even younger children can participate at measured levels. We often keep an eye out for news which is relevant to our teens’ studies and email them a link. My husband and I copy each other on these so we can all be part of the discussion.

Current events keep us on our toes when our tendency might be to shy away from what’s going on in the world.

Our 16-year-old will be voting in the next presidential election. We have a responsibility to make sure he is aware of the news of the day.

If you are unsure about how to approach this with your family you might enjoy, How to Use Current Events in Your Homeschool.

Prepare a meal

When our children were young, we cooked special meals to go with unit studies all the time. How much better the results are when we have older, more capable students!

Our 14- and 16-year-olds are planning and making a meal to go with their high school history study of The Gilded Age.

It’s a fine opportunity to insert home economics goals for students leaving the house in a short time.

Pour into a passion

What is it that makes your teen’s heart sing? Use it!

Make sure that nurturing a talent or honing a passion is a daily part of your older student’s homeschooling.

We find ways for our kids to have authentic experiences with their talent. Whether it’s sewing, writing, programming, or flying, we make the time and we incorporate as much as we can into the regular stuff of homeschooling.

Give your student the time, space, and materials and watch them go!

Your homeschool will change as your kids grow older. There is a natural, gradual adjustment in focus and a change in the way we do the business of home educating.

We give our students more independence. We transition from being the teacher to being the mentor. The stakes do get higher as graduation approaches, regardless of your student’s plans beyond high school.

Yet, many things remain the same. Our reasons for beginning our homeschool journey may be in the distant past, but the convictions behind them are continually renewed.

Do the same with your sacred homeschool ideals and find ways to be authentic and engaged with your teens — right up to graduation day!

How are you keeping the homeschool spark alive with your older children?